NL All-Star Ballot

Yeah, took a little bit longer than I expected for the AL one. I've been following the NL enough this year to have some idea on who to vote for in the National League for the All-Star Game. To recap the AL...

C - Joe Mauer

1B - Justin Morneau

2B - Ian Kinsler

3B - Evan Longoria

SS - Jason Bartlett

OF - Torii Hunter

OF - Jason Bay

OF - Adam Jones

SP - Zack Grienkie*

RP - Jonathan Papelbon* (UGH!)

* Can't be voted for, but there are my starters.

OK so as for the NL

C - Ivan Rodriguez (HOU) .264 avg, 5 HR, 22 RBI, .750 OPS

Fans Choice - Yadier Molina (STL)

This is a really hard decision because everyone sucks. Even the leading vote getter Yadier Molina isn't having a good year. I think the fans want Molina in the All-Star game because it's in St. Louis. Anyways, I'm taking Rodriguez here purely because of his reputation. If Mauer doesn't break the record for all-star appearances by a catcher, I'll accept responsibility.

1B - Albert Pujols (STL) .339-16-42-1.146

Fans Choice: Pujols

Yup, this is the Joe Mauer of the NL ballot. By which I mean, total no brainer. The only other option you could put here is Adrian Gonzalez of the San Diego Padres who is putting up a monster season, but he's not Pujols. Gotta take "The Machine" here.

2B - Chase Utley (PHI) .294-11-33-.980

Fans Choice: Utley

Another no brainer here. If Rickie Weeks stayed healthy, he might be able to wrestle this away, but you have to think about the season Utley is having. In November, it was thought that Utley would just be starting his season right now. Instead, he was in the lineup from the first day of spring training and is still putting up great numbers. Utley deserves to start for the NL.

3B - David Wright (NYM) .333-3-30-.915

Fans Choice: Wright

Wright's going to get in simply because he plays for New York. Despite the decrease in power, mostly due to the cavernous Citi Field, Wright still plays great defense and despite struggling a bit this week, has been absolutely on fire when it comes to getting on base. The man can also steal a base if it's needed.

SS - Hanley Ramierez (FLA) .330-8-23-.959

Fans Choice: J.J. Hardy (MIL)

First of all...WHAT THE HELL DO BREWERS FANS DRINK??? Hardy's having a terrible season and I believe that the Brewers fans are stuffing the ballot boxes at Miller Park because the Brewers are either first or second at every position! When it comes to Hanley though, what can you say? Another great player who's a stat stuffing machine! Excels at all parts of the game and continues to be a budding superstar for a budding Florida Marlins team.

OF - Ryan Braun (MIL) (FC: Braun) .316-9-32-.968

OF - Carlos Beltran (NYM) (FC: Beltran) .352-6-31-.998

OF - Raul Ibanez (PHI) (FC: Alfonso Soriano) .332-17-46-1.079

OK, so who here had Raul Ibanez as a MVP candidate at the beginning of the year? Liar! Ibanez has come out of nowhere. Ibanez has come over from Seattle and lit the world on fire. Every night the guy has a bomb and a couple RBIs. That's a lot more than Soriano has done for the Cubs. Beltran has risen from the dead. He's really been quiet since going to the Mets, but he's played really well the first two months of the season and is starting to look like the Beltran who bashed 9 HR for the Astros in 2004. As for Braun, what else can you say? The guy can hit, and he's surprisingly developed into a really solid defensive outfielder. The heart and soul of the Brewers without a doubt.

SP - Johan Santana (NYM) 7-2 1.77 ERA 86 K

Decided by Manager Charlie Manuel

Johan has been great and the bullpen is actualy holding leads this year for the Mets. For as great as Johan has been in his career, he's never started the all-star game because he's a second half pitcher. Well if Johan is doing this in the first half...

RP - Trevor Hoffman (MIL) 0-0 0.00 ERA 13/13 saves

Decided by Manager Charlie Manuel

Hoffman really struggled for San Diego last season and when he signed with Milwaukee a lot of Brewers fans weren't exactly sure what to expect. Um, JACKPOT! Despite missing time with an oblique injury, Hoffman has been awesome for the Crew, stablizing the bullpen and as of yet, not allowing a run. The definite fireman in Milwaukee. Hells Bells.

To recap...

C - Ivan Rodriguez

1B - Albert Pujols

2B - Chase Utley

SS - Hanley Ramirez

3B - David Wright

OF - Ryan Braun

OF - Raul Ibanez

OF - Carlos Beltran

SP - Johan Santana

RP - Trevor Hoffman

Notice how the best team in baseball (Dodgers) have no starters according to me. Hmm...interesting.

Baseball Officially Begins...Monday

In my mind, the baseball season doesn't begin officially until June 1st. Sure, you go to the first couple of games and you have your first Dome Dog of the year and enjoy a game, but really it doesn't mean anything until we reach June 1st. Once June hits, most baseball fans break out their schedule and start circling games to go to. "We're 4 games away from the White Sox right now, and they come to the Dome at the end of July. I want to go."

Baseball fans also start following the standings more religiously. "How far are we back of Detroit? Who do they play next? When do we play them next?" Pretty soon before we know it, we'll be in the middle of a pennant race (Hopefully.)

So because of this, I refuse to vote for the AL and NL all-star teams until June 1st. On Monday, I will mark my first ballot for the All-Star Teams for the 2009 All-Star Game on July 14th at Busch Stadium in St. Louis, Missouri. Basically because a player can tank after a first two weeks when they are on fire. At this point, most players don't have arcade like statistics. So, here is my 2009 All-Star Ballot which will be updated on June 15th, July 1st, and right before the All-Star rosters are announced (not sure when that is, but yeah...). So without further ado....

American League All-Stars

C - Joe Mauer (MIN): .407 avg, 11 HR, 32 RBI, 1.320 OPS

Fans Choice: Mauer

OK, did I say that most people don't have arcade like numbers? I couldn't even do this on MLB 2K9! Mauer's stats make it look like he's been here the entire year, but he's only been on the Twins roster for a month after missing April with soreness in his back. Mauer has added power to his game and like I've said before, it bears to mention Mauer as one of the best players in all of baseball right now.

1B - Justin Morneau (MIN): .342 avg, 14 HR, 44 RBI, 1.082 OPS

Fans Choice: Kevin Youkilis (BOS)

Morneau is currently FOURTH in All-Star voting right now and it's a shame. The only player ahead of him who could be considered is Miguel Cabrera, who has led the Tigers to first place in the central. Mark Texiera got off to a really slow start in New York and hit a couple of bombs last week and now suddenly he's 3rd in the AL? Then there's Youkilis. Youkilis has been hurt for the Red Sox. He's been having a great season, but Morneau has meant more to his team than any of the competition at first base.

2B - Ian Kinsler (TEX) .282 avg, 13 HR, 35 RBI, .923 OPS

Fans Choice: Kinsler

Kinsler is the best leadoff man in baseball right now. Not only is he a great table setter for the Rangers, but also can blast a ball out of the ballpark in necessary. I expect Dustin Pedroia to surpass him in fan voting, but for now the fans have made the right choice as Pedroia has not produced up to his 2008 MVP season.

SS - Jason Bartlett (TB) .373 avg, 7 HR, 30 RBI, 1.014 OPS

Fans Choice: Derek Jeter (NYY)

This is the one that really pisses me off right now. Derek Jeter is not good anymore. He's just a name. Yeah, his power numbers are up but he plays in NEW YANKEE STADIUM: THE BANDBOX OF THE CENTURY! They should almost put a launch pad at home plate. Anyways, Bartlett leads all AL shortstops in most offensive categories. He's having a breakout season and should be starting in the All-Star game. Bartlett recently landed on the 15 day DL with a sprained ankle, so it's doubtful he'll be able to overtake Jeter, and that's a shame.

3B - Evan Longoria (TB) .324 avg, 12 HR, 51 RBI, 1.018 OPS

Fans Choice: Longoria

I'm actually surprised the fans didn't choose Alex Rodriguez here. This is the right choice. Longoria has been on a tear and he's single handedly carrying Tampa with all the injuries the Rays have absorbed over the past week. We'll have to see how the loss of Akinori Iwamura and Bartlett effects him. However, Longoria, as the best young 3rd baseman in the league, should represent the AL in the All-Star Game

OF - Torii Hunter (LAA) .315-11-40-.989 (FC: Josh Hamilton)

OF - Jason Bay (BOS) .281-14-48-1.018 (FC: Jason Bay)

OF - Adam Jones (BAL) .357-11-36-1.047 (FC: Ichiro)

First, Hunter has been on fire the first two months of the season and is settling in for the Angels. He's cooled off a little bit since April, but he's still a legit All-Star selection.

Second, Jason Bay is a great pick as well. It seems like every other day he's blowing up for the Red Sox. He's a very important piece for the Sox, especially with David Ortiz slumping.

Third, Adam Jones is flying completely under the radar. He's been playing very well for the Orioles and he could be playing better than his teammate, Nick Markakis. This guy is a superstar waiting to happen. The only problem is that nobody has heard of him. Jones isn't even on the top 15 for AL outfielders.

Whew! So there you have it. The AL All-Stars. I will come back later with my NL All-Stars. It shouldn't be as long as the AL post, but it will be entertaining.

Baseball and Music

The 1989 movie Major League may have started a trend all throughout Major League baseball. The movie which was released 20 years ago, sparked the phenomenom of entrance music for relievers and at-bat music for position players. In the movie, Charlie Sheens character Ricky Vaughn becomes the closer and gains the nickname "Wild Thing." From that alone, the song of the same title was blared every time he came out to close. In the first movie, Sheen came out to the original version and in the second movie, Sheen came out to a remake by Joan Jett.

From there, two of the most recognizable closers followed suit. Trevor Hoffman (of Padres fame, but now with the Brewers) started using Hells Bells by AC/DC shortly after arriving from the Florida Marlins. Mariano Rivera (Yankees) would come out to Enter Sandman by Metallica, because of his ability to make opponents "go to sleep" in the ninth inning. From these two pioneers, almost every reliever and position player comes out to music, perhaps channeling their inner wrestler.

In professional wrestling, the Fabulous Freebirds were the first wrestlers to have their own theme. From there, other wrestlers followed suit and now when people watch wrestling, their favorite wrestler can simply be identified by their music. Most of these cases are purely unmistakable such as this, and this.

This may sound weird, but baseball is becoming the same way. Just looking at the Twins, you can tell when the players are coming to bat just based off of their music. Joe Mauer has come up to "What You Know" by T.I. Justin Morneau shows off his love for AC/DC by coming up to "TNT." (Although I'm stunned he didn't come up to the opening chords of Rock N' Roll Train) Then there's Joe Nathan...

See, at least Brewers fans have something to fire them up for when Trevor Hoffman comes out. They can play those infamous bells and you know the game is almost over. However, Nathan chose to be a little bit different. Instead of coming out to something awesome like "Indestructible" by Disturbed or "Stand Up For Rock And Roll" By Airbourne. (Or any song off their "Runnin' Wild" CD. If you haven't heard this yet, you really need to.) Instead Nathan chose to be a little bit different, which is cool and all, but I just think it's too generic. Nathan starts out with "Stand Up and Shout" By Steel Dragon segwaying into "Boom Boom Boom" by Big Head Todd and the Monsters. C'mon Joe, you're better than this!

The main thing about this is that it's awesome. Not only does it get you fired up to see your favorite player, but also you get to know them a little bit. You can tell that Denard Span likes hip-hop, but you probably wouldn't have guessed that Joe Mauer was a big T.I. guy, so thank you Mr. Vaughn and Fabulous Freebirds, your impact on the sport of baseball will not soon be forgotten.

I Hate Jonathan Papelbon

The Eastern Sports Propaganda Network (ESPN) has rammed him down your throat. You would think that he's the greatest closer of all-time already by the amount of media coverage he gets. You would also think that he's an incredibly insecure man with his frosted tips and his extreme celebrations. The man that I am talking about is Red Sox Closer Jonathan Papelbon.

I hate this man so much that I would cheer for the Yankees to beat the hell out of him. He whines at calls that are completely obvious. He throws a strike and starts screaming like a madman. He acts just like I would on the mound. I completely hate him for it.

A lot of people have wondered why Papelbon failed during his conversion to a starter in 2006.  ESPN said that it was because the Red Sox bullpen didn't have enough depth or anyone with the correct mindset to be a closer. That's not right, because Papelbon didn't have the correct mindset to be a starter to be perfectly honest. He'd throw strike 1 in the first inning...spin and scream so much that he would run out of breath and be done by the 3rd inning!

Papelbon is on pace to become the all-time saves leader right now. However, when you play for the Red Sox who are literally able to do whatever the hell they desire when they want to do it, life is pretty easy. Papelbon has even fit in with the Boston locals. Loud, unintelligent, and drunk are all words to describe Red Sox Nation. Their fans like to think they're better than Yankee fans, but really they're not. They're just as oblivious to the rest of major league baseball as their rivals are. Papelbon is no exception. After winning in the playoffs, Papelbon has been known to get drunk, go in front of a microphone, and act like Crishad on a Saturday night in River Falls. Not to mention stripping down to incredibly short shorts but whatever.

The bottom is that guys like this deserve to fail. When he fails, I feel better about myself. When Joe Mauer hit that bomb against him today, I had a huge goofy grin on his face. I hope that Papelbon continues to free fall into the complete headcase he is. Until then, I'll just watch ESPN and listen to Steve Phillips tell me how great he is.

Is Joe Mauer the Best Player In Baseball?

Flashback time...

April 2006 - Crishad and former WRFW Sports Director Paul Winkels...

Radio: And Justin Morneau grounds out to first...Morneau is now 0-4 and hitting just above .200 on the season...

Winkels: [Sighs] Morneau sucks...he's supposed to big this big power hitter and he can't even hit a                  single.

Crishad: He's still young. He'll turn it around.

Winkels: We're going to have to face it, Crishad. He may not be the player we expect him to be.

Justin Morneau would go on to win the AL MVP later that year...

May 2008 - Crishad and his friend Andrew Moscho...

Crishad: Hit for some freakin power Mauer. Good God! All he does is hit singles or ground to                     second. He'll never develop any power. They swung and missed on that one.

Moscho: HE'S 24!!! GIVE HIM TIME!!!

Open mouth. Insert Foot.

The point I'm trying to get to here is that apparently Joe Mauer has learned the art of terrorizing the baseball diamond with bomb after bomb. Mauer's 10th bomb of the season traveled approximately 435 feet. That is incredibly incorrect. I estimate that the ball would have been put into orbit had it been hit at Target Field next year.

After hitting 9 all of 2008, Mauer already has 10. As you can see from the picture above (which isn't doctored) Mauer's eyes have been glowing red in his past 21 games since returning from the disabled list. Mauer's average hasn't dropped either with this power binge. He's still hitting .438. Steven Linzmeier also suggested that Mauer could eventually break Joe DiMaggio's 56 game hitting streak. I even think that Mauer could wind up getting close to .400 this year or in the near future.

So, now to look at this morning's Star Tribune, Jim Souhan says that Joe Mauer may be the best player in baseball because of his addition of power to his game. Fans have always bashed Mauer because of a lack of power, but now it's a very valid argument.

Mauer not only has to hit and field like everyone else, but he also has to be intelligent. Any big lug can hit bombs but not too many people can handle a pitching staff like Joe Mauer can. Mauer's pitching staff is all under the age of 27. With all do respect to guys like Brian McCann and Ivan Rodriguez, it helps a lot when you have a defenite ace like Roy Oswalt or Tom Glavine on your team.

This could be the beginning of something beautiful for Joe Mauer and his fans, and what could really be interesting here is that maybe we'll be screaming MVP for Mauer instead of Morneau this September. Maybe they can split the award?

PS. Dear MLB, please do away with the patriotic hats. Your pal, Crishad.

If Basketball Was Like Wrestling

Dateline: Denver, CO

World Wrestling Entertainment is in a fight with the Pepsi Center over a previous booking and a scheduling conflict with the Denver Nuggets. The Nuggets have advanced to the Western Conference Finals with their victory over the Dallas Mavericks a week ago. However, this didn't become a problem until the Los Angeles Lakers defeated the Houston Rockets on Sunday. Had the Rockets won, the Nuggets would have hosted games 1 and 2 instead of 3 and 4 and there would be no problem. WWE Chairman Vince McMahon has already fired bullets at the Stan Cronke saying that "They should be arrested for impersonating a good businessman" and "I would like to present this to Mr. Cronke" while holding up a Kobe Bryant jersey.

So, as you may know, I am a die hard fan of professional wrestling and I don't care for the NBA very much at the moment. So you may think that my idea would be to cancel the playoff game and go ahead with Monday Night Raw from Denver. Well, I have a better idea. The NBA is already rigged anyways (Derek Rose to Chicago???) so why don't we combine the two? I could see it now...

Mike Tirico: Welcome to game 4 of the Western Conference Finals, I'm Mike Tirico joined by Mark Jackson and Jeff Van Gundy. The Lakers hold a 2-1 lead over the Nuggets and we are just about ready to tip off here...

[David Stern's music hits]

Stern: Hold on one second. I've seen way too much hostility between these two teams in this series, so here's what we will do. Tonight's game will be a no disqualification contest!

[Crowd goes nuts]

Tirico: Can you believe this? David Stern has made tonight's game a no DQ contest! What will this mean for these two teams?

Jackson: This means nothing. Kobe Bryant is the most superior athlete in the world. He has the world's largest posse. He could outswim Michael Phelps. He could outhomer Barry Bonds WITHOUT steriods. He could throw for more touchdowns than Brett Favre!

Van Gundy: What about LeBron James? He won MVP.

Jackson: Does not compute! DOES NOT COMPUTE!

[Jackson explodes revealing that he is indeed a robot]

4th Quarter:

Tirico: Late in the 4th and we've seen a lot of changes there Jeff.

Van Gundy: Yeah, Phil Jackson was knocked out in the fourth quarter by a mysterious source. Who could have done such a thing?

Tirico: It could have been Shaq. Remember, Shaq still has beef with Kobe so that may come into play here...Martin with the ball with a minute to go...loads up for the jumper and...WAIT A MINUTE! It's Mark Cuban! What is he doing here?

[Cuban jumps on Martin and starts firing punches in his face. He rips of his shirt. The crowd groans in disgust.]

Van Gundy: Well these two have had a brawl dating back to the last round of the playoffs when he insulted Martin's mom.

Tirico: Oh no he didn't!

Van Gundy: Oh yes he did!

Tirico: Cuban escapes through the audience...K-Mart has been busted wide open and will have to leave the game. The good news is Carmelo Anthony has hit the shot to give the Nuggets the lead.

25 minutes later (1 min game time)....

Tirico: Last chance for the Lakers. You obviously know who's going to get the ball here, but remember Phil Jackson was found unconcious in the locker room at halftime. Still no answers there. The Lakers inbound the ball and get it to Kobe.

[LeBron James music plays]

Tirico: OH MY GOD!!! KING JAMES IS HERE!!! HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE TONIGHT!!! HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE IN CLEVELAND!!! WHAT IS HE DOING HERE???

Van Gundy: Kobe is staring a hole right through the King...but time is running out!

Tirico: 3...2...1...KOBE DIDN'T GET A SHOT OFF!! IT'S OVER.

[LeBron smirks at Kobe as he calmly walks back through the tunnel as Kobe looks like he wants to kill him]

Tirico: How did Kobe Bryant not get a shot off? He was distracted by King James and next thing we knew there was no time remaining. What will be the backlash of this?? OH MY GAWWWWWD!!!

See, now wouldn't you rather tune in and watch this? I know I would.

@#$%!!!!

For those of you that have been able to watch the Twins this weekend, you'll know what I'm about to say. Actually, Dick Bremer put it perfectly after Johnny Damon's walk-off home run Sunday. 

"The weekend long root canal continues for Twins fans." 

People have told me to shy away from extreme examples, so I'm just going to leave it at that to describe this weekend. Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. The good news about this is that the Twins have played well enough in all three games to at least get one win. The bad news is that they screw up in the greatest way possible. Let's go to the scorecard a moment...

Friday: Justin Morneau smokes 2 bombs (his 10th and 11th) and Joe Mauer hits his 5th of the year as the Twins surge to a 4-1 lead over the Yankees. Johnny Damon is ejected and is replaced by Brent Gardner, a scrappy and speedy outfielder. Not soon after Gardner enters the game, he pops a ball up by third base and Denard Span goes over there to get it. The ball lands in front and then over the head of Span. Span, channeling his inner Delmon Young, takes his sweet time getting the baseball and Gardner gets an inside-the-park home run which jump starts the Yankees. Twins hold this 4-2 lead in the 9th when Joe Nathan does his best wet noodle impression and coughs up the lead. Yankees 5, Twins 4

Saturday: Twins struggle against Joba Champerlain, but they manage to tie the game in the 8th on a Justin Morneau bomb. The Twins even take the lead 4-3 later in the inning, but Gardenhire leaves Nick Blackburn in to face Mark Texiera who is FIVE FOR FIVE...nope SIX FOR SIX AGAINST BLACKBURN!!! Tex singles to tie the game and then in the 11th inning A-Rod, after getting a fresh injection lines a bomb over the right field fence. Gardenhire mentioned how the team wanted to get to Applebee's ASAP, so that's why he threw in Craig Breslow Yankees 5, Twins 4

Sunday: Kevin Slowey pitches out of his mind, striking out 8 in 7 2/3 innings of work. Twins cough up a late 2-0 lead and eventually Johnny Damon cranks a bomb off the human tee Jesse Crain. Yankees 3, Twins 2 (PS. DID YOU SEE THE PLAY JOE MAUER MADE???)

All this shows is that the Twins can compete with the AL East, but if we have to go there, which we probably will, we have no chance in hell. Every team has a place where they can't seem to win. The Vikings can't win at Lambeau, the Wild can't win at Calgary, the Wolves can't win anywhere, and the Twins can't win at Yankee field. I'm gonna go eat lunch so I can puke it up during the finale tonight.

Fantasy Baseball Has Taken Over My Life

I have a story to tell you.  I was at a local bar yesterday where no college student should dare venture unless you're pretty and a woman. I wanted to go talk to a friend of mine who of course was pretty and a woman (if she's reading this...you're welcome).  I walked up to her and we had a conversation with her and her friend. Her friend mentioned her future husband, Justin Morneau and I went off...

"Dude! I love Morneau! I took him with the third pick in my fantasy league and everyone was laughing because they thought I was being a homer. Hah, idiots!"

Both the girl and her friend looked at me funny. As a matter of fact, I think the rest of the bar stared at me like I just slammed Garth Brooks.  I put my head down and apologized and was forgiven, but this is the stem of my problem. Fantasy baseball has taken over my life.

When I am under the influence of alcohol, it's the only thing I talk about. I want to brag about how I snagged Yovanni Gallardo in the 7th round of our draft, or how much Brad Lidge sucks. This is a problem, but why am I so obsessed right now when I knew that people who checked this were....how do I say this? Losers?

There are many reasons, mainly because I'm bored 90% of the time and have nothing else to do over the summer. But, the number one reason is...I'm actually good at this!!! Unlike fantasy football where last year I got the number one pick and still fucked up (Tory Holt, LaDanian Tomlinson, and Ryan Grant can just go to hell), it doesn't matter where I pick here or how bad my draft is because I watch Sportscenter every day trying to catch a wave. In fantasy football, you don't have too many games to catch a wave, but baseball is an everyday thing.

In closing to my rant, I remember a conversation with a guy who convinced me to join this league when I first started this last year.

Guy: Yeah, last year was sweet, I snagged Ryan Braun and Manny Corpas off the waiver wire.

Crishad: Manny Corpas?

Guy: Yeah, he closed for the Rockies.

Crishad: No idea who he is.

Guy: How the f*** do you not know who Manny Corpas is?

Crishad [thinking]: Never be this guy.

Well, we all make mistakes.

Should He Stay or Should He Go?

Word has come out that Glen Taylor has flipped his mind once again. It was assumed that Taylor was going to clean the Minnesota Timberwolves organization if a new GM candidate wanted to do so. However, now Taylor has said that they could do that if they wanted to, but their choice of a head coach would be limited to whether or not Kevin McHale wanted to return as head coach. This means that the new GM can't do a clean sweep of the organization.

A lot of this has led to a lot of people screaming "The Country Club is back!" but really, let's look at this in-depth a little bit. When you look at the other options McHale may be the best option when it comes to the Wolves coach.

McHale the coach is not McHale the GM. A lot of people have a bunch of problems with McHale because of his front office failures. Acquiring Sam Cassell and Latrell Sprewell (worked for one year and then it blew up in his face) , trading Brandon Roy for Randy Foye, taking Ndudi Ebi rather than Josh Howard, it doesn't matter right now. What matters is the job he has done on the court.

When McHale replaced Randy Wittman, the players weren't playing hard. Wittman would bark, but not bite his players and the players got tired of that. So, McHale came in and used his 1980's hard-ass mentality to whip the players in shape. It didn't start well, but soon the Wolves were playing a lot better until Al Jefferson went down with a torn ACL. After that the Wolves weren't getting the results, but they were still playing hard for McHale. That's something to take into consideration.

Finally, if McHale comes back who the hell are you going to get? There's not much out there when it comes to head coaches right now and the one name that I could think of is Avery Johnson. Don't get me wrong, he'd be GREAT for soundbytes, but he has the same problem that Wolves coaches have had in the past. He can bark, but he doesn't bite. Excuse me, I just thought of Johnson barking like a dog. LOL!

So anyways, this isn't the end of the world for the Wolves. I like the fact that Taylor is leaving it up to McHale. McHale has said in the past that he doesn't like the travel associated with being a NBA coach, but I think he enjoyed it last year. It's a win-win situation. Either McHale continues to rebuild the Wolves (with four first round draft picks!) or he goes back to Hibbing to fish and fade into the sunset.

The Corporatist and the Peasants

The House that George Built. That's what they are calling the new 1.5 billion dollar Yankee stadium these days. A homage to the previous home's nickname and at the same time a blatant slap in the face. Last season, we all were bombarded by the fact that Yankee Stadium would be hosting it's last ________ there. However, as television and radio outlets tried to celebrate Yankee Stadiums past, little did we know that it would wind up being a funeral as the new stadium would absolutely suck.

This thing is ridiculous and hilarious at the same time. The place has become more of a hotbox than Coors Field. They might need a humidifier to keep balls in the park (or better pitching CHIEN MING-WANG!!!) .  As we've heard, bomb after bomb has flown out of this place. Balls have been flying out as fast as they would be at Lorena Bobbitt's house. The Indians, who are awful this season, but up a 14 spot in one inning there in it's glorious opening weekend. I can't wait to see what Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau do there next week.

However, the most important thing about this stadium is the fact that the rich people have their own castle in the first 7-10 rows of the stadium entitled "The Champions Suite." These seats are valued at about $2,625. I could sit here and whine about that price, but I'm not going to do that. Instead I'm going to talk about how there is a concrete moat between the rest of the lower level and the Champions Suite. Really? Apparently, the bleachers at Yankee Stadium are more dangerous than I thought because we wouldn't want the Dark Knight to get in the Champions Suite!

The worst part about this is that the fans are not allowed to get into that area at all. This includes batting practice. In normal stadiums, such as Miller Park, fans are allowed to get in close to catch a glimpse of their favorite players and, if they're lucky, get an autograph. Not at Yankee Stadium! The defense for this rule was that "If you bought a suite, would you want people in your suite?" Well, let's see...there's a huge difference between a suite and the first 7-10 rows of a PUBLIC stadium. If these corporate hotshots want to be left alone and discuss business matters, do it in an enclosed, private suite. Not right behind home plate. Most of these people probably have no clue who Derek Jeter or Alex Rodriguez is!

So hopefully, we can all learn from the Yankees mistake. The Yanks have gone from having one of the most euphoric experiences in baseball at the old Yankee Stadium, to building a 1.5 billion dollar pile of dog crap complete with a castle around the playing area. The Twins will open Target Field next year and will have the "Champions Club" which will cost people $275 per game. Still pretty spendy, but at least they aren't treating it like a private suite...we hope.

Manny Being Manny?

There are a couple things that annoy me in Major League Baseball these days, and I'll probably hit on all of them this summer. First, the problem of the six dollar beer and the ten dollar nachos. Second, Jonathan Papelbon...just him in general. Then there's the third problem that has been thrust into the spotlight recently, and that would be "Manny Being Manny"

ESPN coined this term when Manny Ramierez played for the Boston Red Sox, ESPN's favorite team coincidentally. This statement seems to be the blanket statement for everything and anything Manny seems to do. My question is just how far are we going to let this thing go? I understand how Dodger fans have grown to love him, but really, let's think about this.

Hey, look Manny misplayed a ball and now he's laying on top of it. That's just Manny being Manny! Oh and now he's talking on his cell phone asking Scott Boras why the hell he couldn't get 20 million a year for five years last season. That's just Manny being Manny! Now he's got some rolling papers and plucking some of the outfield grass. Now he's got his iPod too! Must be playing some Bob Marley or something. Well, that's just Manny being Manny! Now he's in the plaza...he just grabbed some girl...well that's unpleasant! Oh it's just Manny being Manny!

ALL RIGHT!!! The latest episode occured when Manny went to the doctor. Manny's doctor for whatever reason told him to take a female hormone known as hCg which actually helps the body recover at the end of a steroid cycle. Well, Manny supposedly didn't seem to notice that he was a man because he had no idea what his doctor was giving him. So let's get this straight. If the common man took this strategy, he would most likely wind up with Viagra as a cure for his throbbing headache, right? You would think that if Manny got a fertility drug, he would say "Doc, I'm a man."

So, what happens now. John Kruk and his fat ass was chugging Cheese Whiz on ESPN screaming that Manny should be kicked off the team. Peter Gammons cut his arm and it showed Red Sox red and blue and mentioned how nobody supported Manny towards the end of his tenure with the Sox. I believe that Manny shouldn't exactly be kicked off a team or anything, but for the love of God, clean up your act! I understand that you would like to enjoy life and everything, but come on. You can't take everything your team says as a joke!

Bottom line is this. You're a major league baseball player, Manny. Why don't you act like it sometime? Maybe then we'll get off your back a bit. Well, not like we're on it right now, but you get the point.

I Miss Pat Neshek

I miss the good old days of baseball. A time when a certain pitcher would come out and pump out pitches traveling at superb speeds and making batters look absolutely silly. Then said pitcher would give the game over to a certain closer and the Twins would win the game.

The pitcher I'm talking about is Pat Neshek. Remember him? Neshek is known for his blogging skills and was a fan favorite the past couple of seasons before last season when he felt a pop in his elbow. Twins officials thought it didn't need surgery, so they did the Francisco Liriano and Joe Mays rehabilitation program. Unfortunatly, that didn't work and Neshek eventually had to go under the knife this past offseason.

Since then the Twins have used Jesse Crain, Matt Guerrier, Eddie Guardado, Jose Mijares, Luis Ayala, and probably a flaming pile of monkey crap to try and bridge a lead over to Joe Nathan. Problem is, none of these relievers can hold water in a paper cup! Ayala has earned the nickname "The Human Tee" for his performances. While other Twins relievers look like they have their heads so far up their ass, they can't seem to see the light of day.

The latest episode of this happened Sunday afternoon against a slumping Seattle Mariners team. The M's had lost 6 games in a row coming into Sunday's tilt and Nick Blackburn wanted to make it 7. Blackburn threw 7 scoreless innings and probably should have gone out for the 8th. One problem. Blackburn had thrown 99 pitches up to that point. Sirens blared and lights flashed from the Twins dugout. One more pitch and Blackburn might have exploded. Good thing Gardy pulled him! 

Gardy then went to Jose Mijares. Mijares has been hearing from Rick Anderson to attack the plate. Mijares took that advice to heart over the winter and began busting buffet lines with Dennys Reyes and Boof Bonser. Mijares can't throw a strike now without doubling over from exhaustion. Mijares threw a hanging fastball which was belted by the greatest baseball player ever, Ken Griffey Jr.

Then came Gardy's next chip, Jesse Crain. The Royals actually wanted to give us a lot for Crain a couple years ago and we turned them down because he was supposed to be a stud. Well, the stud got euthanized Sunday as Crain faced three men. He didn't retire any of them and gave up 2 runs. To the bench you go!

To Guerrier's credit...he finally put out the fire. That was until Craig Breslow came in and gave up another bomb. The Twins are looking to win the AL Central this season and filled most holes in their lineup in the offseason. Too bad they couldn't get a reliever, because it might leave them short of their goal.

Not Again...

So ESPN peed their pants this week when the New York Jets released QB Brett Favre from the retired list. What does this mean? Well, if you've been living under a rock, it means that Favre can become a free agent and sign with whomever the hell he wants if he decides to come back...again. Of course, this has started speculation that Favre will come back and sign with the Minnesota Vikings, a move that many thought would happen last season. Viking fans, who have a distinct hatred for Tarvaris Jackson and Sage F'ing Rosenfels, have already started clamoring for the return of Brett Favre. So, I bet you're wondering what I think about this. Well...Brett...

STAY THE @#$% AWAY FROM MY GOD DAMN FOOTBALL TEAM YOU OLD, SENILE, SON OF A BITCH!!!

Already people think I'm crazy, but honestly, if you've known me since high school, you should have known this by 10th grade. Favre does not belong here. I'm not taking the "Oh, he was a Packer so he can never be a Viking" approach, but I'm saying that he wouldn't help the Vikings at all and actually make us worse.

The Favreheads would point to the fact that Favre led the Jets to a 8-3 start last season and even beat the Patriots and the undefeated Tennessee Titans. OK, how about the rest of the season. Favre, who has to much of an ego to tell anyone he's hurt, led the Jets to a 1-4 finish and they finished out of the playoffs because of it.

Favre also destroyed the locker room in New York as well. Most of the players had a distain for him by the time he left and I don't think too many Jets players wanted him back. Favre never talked to anyone and was a loner as a Jet. Favre made a fool of himself by coming back one last time and destroyed an entire franchise in the process as the Jets had to fire their coach because of this. (Actually if the Vikings coach got fired....FOCUS!)

Finally, the Viking fans are probably also saying, "So you want to go into the season with these two jokes at QB?" My answer is a resounding YES. Here's why. Sage f'ing Rosenfels and Tarvaris Jackson have actually put in the work all offseason to be starting quarterbacks and both are capable of doing the job we need them to do. Would I like a QB who tries to win the game rather than tries not to lose it? Hell yeah. But Favre would cost the Vikings more games than T-Jack or Sage f'ing Rosenfels would.

Also take this into consideration. Rosenfels plays just like Favre. He's pretty damn wreckless if you've seen him play. He can win games with his arm, and lose them just as quickly (see the Colts victory in October). From T-Jack's side, I wouldn't like for him to be starting, but he went through a lot last season. Jackson had a child born with a birth defect, which could distract any father from his job. Jackson also was hurt in the second preseason game and I think he came back too soon from injury (He played a lot better towards the end of the season).

Brett Favre has become the preverbial high school slut of the NFL. Hell, he may even show up to Mankato in a school girls outfit with leggings (UGH). However, Brad Childress should just say no. The Vikings do not want to contract the STD known as failure.

THE SAVIOR HAS RISEN!!!

Joe Mauer returns to the Minnesota Twins tonight, May 1st, and the millions...and millions of fans will cheer in unison when he comes up to the plate. However, to know where Joe Mauer currently is, we need to see where he has been.

Joeseph Patrick Mauer was born on April 19th, 1983 in St. Paul, Minnesota. Legend has it that he walked out of the womb with a baseball bat in his hand and immediatly grounded to 2nd base. This was just a sign of things to come. 

Mauer lived an interesting childhood. At home, Joe would constantly chug gallons of Land-O-Lakes milk at a time. This would lead to a lucrative endorsement deal with the company because they were actually losing money from Mauer sucking the company dry. Mauer made his first little league team at age 4 and when he was 6, Mauer won the city championship with a walk-off bases empty grand slam. At age 10, he successfully summoned the holy ghost to break up a double play.

I know that a lot of people have made a big deal out of Yovanni Gallardo pitching 7 1/3 scoreless innings and hitting a homerun to pick up the win earlier this week, but Joe Mauer has done things that are even more impressive. In high school, Joe Mauer played all nine positions for all seven innings. This mean after throwing a pitch, Mauer would speed off the pitchers mound to play the ball. Oh and by the way, he threw a perfect game that day.

The more Joe grew, the more incredible he became. Joe would stop a comet from crashing into the earth in 2003. Why didn't anyone hear about this? Well, Joe was moving at the speed of light so many people just assumed that the comet just changed course all the sudden. Joe also stood up to Brett Favre and told him to "suck it." Favre threatened to destroy him with his laser rocket arm, but knew that if he tried Joe would have smacked it right into his face with his quick swing (no pun intended). Honorable mention was that Joe invented time travel, stopped the Civil War, World War I, and World War II all in the same day by just showing up in the middle of the battlefield, bouncing a couple bullets off his chest and screaming "HEY!"

Joe is even the natural aphrodesiac. Joe has convinced the entire female population of Minnesota that nothing would be better than to round the bases with him, so to speak. Yes, anyone who is strappingly handsome and swings a giant stick of lumber around is definately a keeper in the books of many women.

So Joe Mauer will return tonight in all his glory with new theme music, a giant boulder in front of the dugout (which will be rolled away), and a choir singing hallelujah. Now, can he stay healthy? Only time will tell, because that is the key to the Minnesota Twins season.