AL All Star Team...the Whole @#$%ing Team

All-Star Rosters are set to be announced this Sunday...time for me to work my magic and try and predict all 28 All-Stars for both sides. Take a deep breath and lets go...

Catchers: 

Joe Mauer* (MIN)

Kurt Suzuki (OAK)

1st Basemen:

Kevin Youkilis* (BOS)

Mark Texiera (NYY)

Justin Morneau (MIN)

2nd Basemen:

Dustin Pedroia* (BOS)

Aaron Hill (TOR)

3rd Basemen:

Evan Longoria* (TB)

Michael Young (TEX)

Shortstop:

Derek Jeter* (NYY)

Jason Bartlett (TB)

Outfielders:

Jason Bay* (BOS)

Ichiro* (SEA)

Torii Hunter* (LAA)

Adam Jones (BAL)

Carl Crawford (TB)

Bobby Abreu (LAA)

Starting Pitchers:

Zach Grienkie (KC)

Roy Halladay *(TOR)

Kevin Slowey (MIN)

Justin Verlander (DET)

Mark Buehrle (CWS)

Felix Hernandez (SEA)

Tim Wakefield (BOS)

Relief Pitchers:

Jonathan Papelbon (BOS)

Mariano Rivera (NYY)

Joe Nathan (MIN)

Brian Fuentes (LAA)

* Denotes Starters

The Twins Are Afraid Of Everything

As you know, I am a die-hard Twins fan. Some people may read this blog entry and call me a bandwagon jumper, but honestly I'm still a Twins fan albeit a frustrated Twins fan. What am I frustrated about. Well, the Twins are afraid of everything.

Every year, there's something that the Twins just can't do. In the early years of the Twins rise to relevancy, they had the fear of defeating a big market team. In 2002, they made the ALCS, but they beat the small market Oakland Athletics to get there. They promptly beat the LA Angels in game 1, and then dropped 4 straight including Adam Kennedy smoking three bombs in game 5. I think he has 5 bombs in his career and they've all come against the Twins. Might want to check that.

In 2003 and 2004, it was defeating the mighty Yankees in the playoffs. The most crippling example of this was Game 2 of the 2004 ALDS vs. the Yankees. The Twins had already defeated the Yankees in Game 1 and they were looking for more. Torii Hunter bashed a solo home run in the 11th inning to give the Twins a one run lead and they could have went into a deafening Metrodome with a 2-0 lead. Instead Joe Nathan's arm turned into a wet noodle, and the Twins went on to lose the game and the series.

Last year was the most frustrating of them all. The Twins had MULTIPLE chances to pull away from the White Sox and just couldn't do it. It seemed like every time the Twins had an opportunity to pull 2 games ahead of the White Sox, they would fold and choke in some strange fashion. The bullpen would collapse, someone would burn themselves while ironing, THEY SCORE TWO @#$%ING RUNS AGAINST THE KANSAS CITY ROYALS!!! If you don't believe this, check Justin Morneau's stats in the last two weeks of the season. Morneau shrivled up quicker than a guy's @#$% looking at nude photos of Whoopi Goldberg. He was 4-5 hits away from a MVP award and he choked, just like his team. Oh yeah, they finished one run short of the playoffs too...in a 1-0 game where they got TWO hits.

This year's Twins team is afraid of being two games over .500. The Twins love mediocrity this season and even when they have a favorable matchup, they find some way to screw things up. The Milwaukee game last week was a perfect example. Up by a run, Blackburn on the hill, man on first, 2 outs, and 2 strikes on Jason Kendall. Kendall lines one into the gap and the game is tied. No big deal. But Kendall tries to go to third and Blackburn launches one towards Bernie's slide in right field. The winning run scores, Hells Bells in the 9th, game over. 

Last night was quite pathetic too. Delmon Young is obviously deaf because he can't communicate with any center fielder. The only player who did anything was Morneau hitting his 18th bomb of the year (To Team Crishad's delight!). I'm getting sick of this. In the 8th inning, I wanted to throw something. At least we're battling our tails off out there, because that's all our manager wants. Just battle your tails off and don't worry about the division.

Well, Ronny, July 1st is approaching and you are now 4 games back of the Detroit Tigers who have a skitzophrenic pitcher, an outfielder having the worst season of their life, and a bullpen who has a WHIP around 2 (but that bullpen is still better than yours by the way). Also, you are now tied with the White Sox, who might have a big fire sale at the end of the year.

Last season, after Game 163, I found some solace in the fact that the Twins had plenty of young players they could count on and would probably win the division this season. So far, most of those young players have fallen on their face and the Twins are a mediocre team with no shot of doing anything past winning the division. I would like for our goal to be more than just getting to the playoffs, but getting deep in the playoffs. Give me something to cheer about please. I know the Twins are a better team than how they're playing right now, but maybe when the lineup gets healthy, the Twins can make a run. I really hope they do.

Here are the next 5 games for the Twins, a run where they need to go 4-1 in my opinion to get something going.

Today: Twins (Baker 5-6 5.17 ERA [3-0 in last 5 starts]) vs. Kansas City (Bannister 5-5 4.17 ERA)

Thursday: Twins (Perkins 3-4 4.70 ERA) vs. Kansas City (Meche 4-7 4.27)

Friday: Detroit (French 0-0 0.00 ERA ML Debut) vs. Twins (Slowey 10-4 4.41 ERA)

Saturday: Detroit (Jackson 6-4 2.49) vs. Twins (Liriano 4-8 5.62)

Sunday: Detroit (Porcello 8-5 3.90) vs. Twins (Blackburn 6-4 3.10)

And your standings watch for the day...

Tigers 42-34 

Twins 39-39 4 GB

White Sox 38-38 4 GB

I Told You So...

Last night was a very interesting night for your Minnesota Timberwolves. As I mentioned the past couple of days, the Wolves had obtained picks 5, 6, 18, and 28. Also as mentioned in previous posts, I thought that the Wolves would use some of these picks (especially 5 and 6) to rebuild the backcourt that was traded away for the 5th pick. Um, I was kind of right.

The Wolves didn't trade up like some had assumed to grab Hasheem Thabeet, but I think they fell apart once James Harden was taken by Oklahoma City at 3. After that, the Kings threw a monkey wrench into the Wolves plans at 4 by taking Tyreke Evans. That set the stage for David Kahn to get what he wanted: Ricky Rubio. So, now we just needed a scoring guard...Jonny Flynn???

Kahn believes that these two can play together on the court at the same time. I don't think that this is going to happen. Not because I don't think they can co-exist on the court at the same time, that's not the problem. Ricky doesn't want to be here. When Ricky was asked about Minnesota, Ricky replied "Too cold and depressing." This is the attitude of most NBA stars. Minnesota sucks.

The other thing is that Spanish players are incredibly immature. Rubio is 18 years old, he'll be 19 by the time the season starts. Most Spanish people actually live with their parents until they get married...at age 30. They also seem to whine a lot. Pau Gasol whined his way out of Memphis until he wound up playing next to Kobe Bryant and oh...getting a ring.

Rubio's dad has come out and said that Rubio may now play 2 or 3 years in Spain rather than paying the buyout clause. Great. Good pick by the Wolves. Sure, he's a great passer and all but he has no jumpshot and again DOESN'T WANT TO PLAY HERE!!!

A lot of people bashed the Wolves for taking Flynn with the 6th pick, but it may have been a good move in case Rubio continues to act like a punk. The other picks were just as interesting as the Wolves took a third point guard, Ty Lawson, with their third first rounder.

This was a big mistake by the Wolves as well, Lawson will be a franchise point guard and he's got a great mentor to learn from now in Chauncey Billups.  This could haunt the Wolves the next couple of years, but they did get an additional first round pick from the deal. Next year's draft should be deeper and the Wolves should be able to get a big man.

The Wolves got North Carolina SG Wayne Ellington with their 28th pick and dealt a couple other picks, but the one question mark is whether Rubio shows up. I hope he does, but he's not going to want to play in the fridgid  plains of Minnesota.

Here's our lineup so far...

C - Jefferson

PF - Love

SF - Gomes

SG - Ellington

PG - Rubio/Flynn

Pros and Cons

So, in preparation for tonight's NBA Draft, which is getting more exciting by the minute, I thought I would look at a couple players that the Wolves would be interested and do what I don't do when I'm looking at a tough decision. Evaluate the pros and the cons. Before I do that, let's take a look at what we know...

- Wolves still have picks 5, 6, 18, and 28 (not 27 as I said yesterday) in the first round

- They really want the #2 pick, but Memphis really wants Thabeet.

- Wolves GM David Kahn said he will NOT trade 5 and 6 to get 2. This means the Wolves will have 2 picks in the top 6.

Time to spin the wheel...

PG - Ricky Rubio

Pros: Wowed during the 2008 Olympics for Spain...has been a pro since age 14...compared to Pete Maravich with his passing skills and creativity.

Cons: Already hates Minnesota...Unknown player from Spain...has 6 million dollar buyout clause from Spanish team.

Here's one of my problems with the NBA Draft.  These Spanish players and their buyout clauses. I believe that if a Spanish player wants in the NBA draft, there should be no strings attached to it. You're in and you're playing the next year. Should the Wolves draft Rubio, I don't think the buyout is the problem, but some teams will draft a player, wait two years for him to get better, and then buy him out when he probably could go in the top 10 and help a team that really needs it. Anyways, if the Wolves draft Rubio at 2, I'll be very dissapointed. We really need to rebuild our backcourt, but we also really need a shot blocking big man. Rubio isn't exactly a sure thing, and I've heard a couple Jason Williams (Florida PG) comparisons which wouldn't be bad, but it's not worth it in a draft that is really deep with guards.

C - Hasheem Thabeet

Pros: Natural shot blocker...played in tight games with UConn during collegiate career...huge upside.

Cons: Limited offensive game...may be a project...is he worth Kevin Love?

This is an interesting one too. If you move up to 2, take Thabeet. I know that next years draft is full of big men such as Cole Aldrich and B.J. Mullens, but Thabeet is the shot blocker we need. If you didn't read my post yesterday, I think Thabeet is the missing piece in our front court.

SG - Tyreke Evans

Pros: A leader (Memphis won 27 straight after converting him to PG)...played out of position in college...very confident...great slasher

Cons: Hasn't really shown what position he'll play in the NBA...more of a combo guard

I'm starting to get really high on Evans. Evans could wind up a star in the NBA and the more I watch him, the more I fall in love. Evans could be the perfect guy to replace Foye and I really hope we get him.

SG - James Harden

Pros: Little more polished than the one and done players...solid jump shot...COMPARED TO BRANDON ROY

Cons: Body type is a little pudgy...struggled vs. zone defense in NCAA tournament...not as athletic you would like.

I've had a love/hate relationship with Harden. But I wouldn't mind him falling to 5.

PG - Stephen Curry

Pros: Great shooter...Led Davidson to Elite 8 two years ago...team player.

Cons: Hasn't shown PG instincts yet...really small...similar to J.J. Reddick

J.J. hasn't had a good NBA career...I just don't think Curry will get his shot off. And when you're compared to Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf, it's just not a good sign.

PG - Jonny Flynn

Pros: Clutch...very athletic...quick

Cons: Size...could be a project...needs to work on defense

Wouldn't mind this pick. Better than Steph Curry. NBAdraftnet.com compared him to Damon Stoudamire, I see more of a Rajon Rondo.

So currently, this is what NBAdraft.net has for our Wolves...

5th pick: Tyreke Evans, SG, Memphis

6th pick: Stephen Curry, PG, Davidson

18th pick: Chase Budinger, SF, Arizona

28th pick: Jonas Jerbeko, SF, Sweeden (everywhere I look has us taking him if we keep this pick.

And to really get you excited for today's draft...let's look at the past five years of Wolves first round picks...grab you barf bags...

2008 - O.J. Mayo, SG, USC (3rd Overall; traded for Kevin Love)

2007 - Corey Brewer, SF, Florida (7th Overall)

2006 - Brandon Roy, SG, Washington (6th overall; traded for Randy Foye @#$%!)

2005 - Rashad McCants, SG, North Carolina (14th Overall)

2003 - Ndudi Ebi, SF, Westbury Christian HS, (26th Overall)

We're really going to @#$% this up huh?

Roll The Dice

For 14 years, Timberwolves fans have been a little optimistic about the draft. OK, not really. As a matter of fact, we fear it. Uncder the reign of Kevin McHale, the Wolves did get Kevin Garnett, but they also traded the likes of Ray Allen and Brandon Roy. Anything McHale did on draft night struck fear into the hearts of fans. Even when it appeared that Kevin McHale made the right move by drafting O.J. Mayo at #3 last year, Wolves fans awoke to the horrible news that he traded Mayo to Memphis for Kevin Love and contracts. The Love trade hasn't turned out as bad as we thought it was going to, but Mayo was the kind of player that David Kahn wants to get for the Wolves this year.

And what a year this is going to be. David Kahn vowed to make changes to the roster and in his own words, he even said that "Everything Goes" when it comes to who's shoppable. There have even been rumors about Al Jefferson being traded to Phoenix. Well, it appears that Kahn would like to build this team through the draft after Tuesday night's events.

For those of you not aware, the Wolves sent Randy Foye and Mike Miller to Washington for the 5th overall pick and a sack of ham sandwiches. For those of you updating your draft boards, this means that the Wolves now have four first round draft picks. (5, 6, 18, 27) So now Wolves fans are salavating at this wondering what Kahn is going to do now. There's even the hope that he won't mess this up! Well here are some scenarios...

Plan A: Trade up with Memphis to take the 2nd overall pick and draft PG Ricky Rubio or C Hasheem Thabeet.

This would be the most hyperactive approach, but the first question is what will it take? We've heard that the Wolves want two top 10 draft picks no matter what they decide to do. Many people think they will offer 5 and 6, but they could maybe get away by offering 6 and 18, or even a super trade where they gave away 6, 18, and 27...but that seems like way too much. If Kahn does this, he better get Thabeet. A lot of people like Ricky Rubio, but his questionable jump shot scares me. Thabeet fits a better need, and the Wolves could get their true point at 18 if they decide to keep it. People whine about Thabeet's lack of an offensive game, but all we need him to do is act like Gandalf from Lord of the Rings and scream "YOU SHALL NOT PASS" to anyone who even thinks about coming to the rim.

Plan B: Get Tyreke Evans by any means neccessary.

I love this kid already. The guy is incredibly confident and the more and more I learn about him, the more I see a future star. The problem is the 4 teams ahead of the Wolves prolly see the same thing. If the Wolves can convince Sacremento to move down to 6, they could go up to 4 and snatch one of the best combo guards in the draft. After trading Miller and Foye, the Wolves need to remake their backcourt, Evans would be a good start.

Plan C: Stay at 5 and 6

This is where things really get interesting. Who would the Wolves want at 5 and 6? People are starting to think that Rubio will slip to 5, but he also has a buyout clause in his contract with the Spanish club he's with. The Wolves also like PG Stephen Curry, but I'm concerned about his size. The Wolves could wind up with James Harden at 5, and take a point guard, like Johnny Flynn, at 6. If the Wolves decide to re-mould their backcourt with these two picks, they could grab a big man later in the draft, or even wait for next season when the draft will be chocked full of low post big men.

Bottom line is, it's an exciting time to be a Wolves fan right now. The fact that this might actually work is intriguing and if the Wolves do this right, they could wind up with a solid nucleus that would raise the franchise from the dead. Stay tuned.

Friendly Rivalry?

Tonight's major league schedule pits the Minnesota Twins traveling to Miller Park to take on the Milwaukee Brewers. This is the portion of the interleague schedule where Major League Baseball tries to force rivalries upon some teams. In most cases, these rivalries make sense. Twins and Brewers? Good job. Yankees and Mets? Solid. Cubs and White Sox? Excellent. But then again we also have the fierce rivalries such as the Padres and the Mariners and the Red Sox and Phillies. Oooh!

Most of these rivalries are filled with hatred. For example the Subway Series between the Mets and the Yankees are filled with foul mouthed scum from New York trash talking each other into oblivion with comments such as "I'm going to break you like a piece of bread from Biscotti's on 62nd street." or "You're so stupid you actually cheer for the Knicks! [pre-LeBron]" Yes, there is quite a lot of ill will towards each other, but when it comes to the Twins and the Brewers, there really isn't quite that much hatred.

There could several reasons for this. The most obvious is that they don't play each other all that much, six times a season to be exact. This was not the case before 1998, when the Brewers moved to the National League to accomade the arrival of the Tampa Bay Rays and Arizona Diamondbacks. But even then, the Brewers weren't that good, so there was no sense of a rivalry between the two teams. Remember, in the history of the Brewers, they've made the playoffs TWICE in nearly 40 years. So there never really was a sense of jealousy from Twins fans as they laid beatdown after beatdown on the crew. Kirby Puckett's 6-6 game with a grand slam in 1991 seems to stick out in most minds. Now that both teams are competitive, that might change if they were in the division and who knows? Maybe the Brewers would be as hated as the White Sox right now if they still were in the American League.

The second reason could be that the teams are almost mirror images of each other when it comes to their market. Neither the Brewers or Twins can go out and buy high priced free agents and usually when they do go for a free agent, the signee usually goes out and flops like a fish. Both teams have cores of players that are homegrown. (6 players in the Twins starting lineup were drafted by the Twins as 6 players in the Brewers starting lineup were drafted by the Brewers.) Because of this, these teams both have an underdog status. I cheer for the Brewers when they play the Cubs, and I'm guessing that Brewers fans would love to see the Twins beat the Yankees or Red Sox.

Finally, I think it's just fun to see the two teams play against each other. Don't get me wrong. I'm cheering for the Twins during this series, but I've been tempted to buy an old school Brewers hat. (The logo is the best in baseball in my opinion.) If the stakes were raised to...say a world series...I'd be shouting the same things at Ryan Braun that I do Brett Favre...oh wait...crap...anyways, the point I'm trying to make is this. We do want to see our teams win, but it doesn't have the same point of urgency that it would have if we were playing our divisional rivals. It's all about bragging rights, road trips, and, oh yes, sausages. So let's go eat for the sausage cycle (Hot Dog, Bratwurst, Italian Sausage, Polish Sausage, and Chorizo) and have a good time.

And by the way....GO TWINS!!!!!

People That I Hate: Brett Favre

I think everyone knew this was coming at some point. As you may have heard, Brett Favre is probably going to join the Minnesota Vikings. His arm is now pain free and he's throwing pretty well. It even looks like the Vikings already have settled on a contractual agreement with the future hall of fame quarterback. So happy days are here again huh? Apparently some slob radio personalities have been planning Super Bowl parade routes. I should be excited right?

Well, no. This is something that most people in my situation don't understand. For example, fellow WRFW commentator Renee Thony and I had a conversation about this and Ms. Thony left the conversation wondering just exactly what my mom smoked while she was pregnant. So, because I'm a man of many words, I'm going to let you into  my thoughts and show you just why exactly I hate Brett Favre...

1) I was trained to hate Brett Favre since I was 8.

Have you ever seen the Simpsons episode where Mr. Burns gets a hold of Santa's Little Helper and turns him into a ruthless killing machine by showing him videos of dogs getting abused? Well, I'm pretty sure that my uncles have done the same to me by showing me just what exactly Favre has done to make Viking fans lives miserable. It's a fact of life. How do you cheer for someone that you've hated for so long? That'd be like some random guy who cheated on your wife for about 15 years coming over and wanting to be friends with you to get back at the wife. That might actually be pretty confusing but I'm sure you get the point...

2) I'm jealous of the success that Brett Favre has had in his career.

I'll admit this, I would love to have a young Brett Favre on my team. The guy is the best statistical quarterback in NFL history. He leads in touchdowns, passing yards, and, of course, interceptions. However the biggest thing that I'm jealous about is that Favre has a certain ring on his finger. No Viking can claim that unless if they have jumped ship at some point during their career.

3) Everyone not in Minnesota or Chicago loves Brett Favre.

I didn't put Detroit in here because Detroit would love for anything good to happen to them right about now. If Brett Favre became the Lions quarterback, they would have a parade before the season even started. Anyways, I can make this point by mentioning one name: John Madden. I just love watching national television broadcasts with Brett Favre...

Sunday Night Football:

Madden: You know, Green Bay is a great team because they have Brett Favre. Brett Favre is Brett Favre and when you have a guy like Brett Favre, you have Brett Favre. When you don't have Brett Favre you arghhahahahaham don't have Brett Favre!

Cris Collinsworth: Brett Favre is just one of those special players, he's like the Dhali Llama out there. I mean, I should know because I played.

Monday Night Football:

Mike Tirico: BRETT FAVRE TO GREG JENNINGS!!! WHAT A GREAT MAN!!!

Ron Jaworski: Well you see, Brett Favre has mastered the art of time travel which enabled him to teleport to overtime and throw that touchdown by manipulating the pythagorean theorum of quarterbacking that simply states that the speed of the ball multiplied by the speed of the reciever and the distance of the ball to the 93rd power divided by the time the ball is thrown and that gave him the accuracy that he needed to throw the ball.

Tony Kornheiser: HAH???

4) Brett Favre has a Texas sized ego.

Packer fans love Adrian Peterson. I never knew why this was until now. Peterson is a humble athlete who a lot of fans can admire because of the way he does his business. It's the same reason Brewers fans don't hate Torii Hunter. Brett Favre is not the same way. Last year, Favre showed just what exactly he really is. He dressed in a separate room for the Jets and didn't do any public functions because in his eyes, he was doing the Jets a favor by playing for them. This is also the same guy who decided to retire two seasons ago for the Packers and then come back at the very last second. The situation was a lot like doing hockey games with Paul Winkels when he would say "Hey Chris, I'm feeling a little sick tonight. Would you like to do play by play." An excited Crishad would say yes, and then Paul would say "Nope, I'm fine." So to add a guy who loves the limelight that much would be a shot and not to mention Tarvaris Jackson and Sage Rosenfels.

5) Favre gets preferential treatment from EVERYBODY

I mentioned the locker room, but Favre is treated as if he's Jesus. In 2004, my mom and I went to a NFC North Championship game between the Vikings and the Packers. At the end of the first half, the Packers had no timeouts and were driving for a field goal. Favre completed a pass in the middle of the field with three seconds left and was obviously short by a yard or two yards. The refs stopped the clock and got a measurement even though Jabroni Bob in the nosebleeds could tell that the Packers were short. The Packers rushed their field goal unit onto the field and got the field goal they needed. After this, the Packers would win by...you guessed it...three points. Commentators think he can stop time. Did you know that Brett Favre bodyslammed Andre the Giant at Wrestlemania III? He even challenged Chuck Norris to a street fight...and Norris declined!

6) Brett Favre chokes in the playoffs.

Super Bowl huh? I know what you're thinking, Favre has a ring. That's fine. But nobody remembers the six interceptions he threw up against the Rams in a playoff game. Nobody remembers that he tried to throw the ball through Corey Webster in the 2008 NFC Championship game when he had a wide open option downfield. The fact of the matter is this. Since Favre won his Super Bowl, he is 4-6 in the playoffs. (By comparison, the Vikings are 5-5, not much better but still they own a win OVER FAVRE in the playoffs from 2004. The infamous moon game.) The bottom line is that when Favre gets jacked up to play, bad things happen. That's why I fear that he'll be so jacked to face the Packers, we'll see a couple Charles Woodson pick sixes and if it happens in the playoffs...gulp.

I realize Favre is a great quarterback. I can respect what he's done, but when it comes to him joining the Vikings, I can't handle that. There's a show on NFL Network called America's Game and they highlight teams that won the Super Bowl and some teams who were great but choked before getting there. So, there was one about the '98 Vikings. John Randle was on there talking about how people viewed Brett Favre. To quote Mr. Randle...

"I got one thing to say about Brett Favre...@#$% Favre!"

Well said.

People That I Hate: Delmon Young

In November 2007, I sat playing a game of MLB 2K7 on my newly repaired XBox. The Twins had just completed a terrible season in which they failed to make the playoffs. General Manager Terry Ryan had just resigned, leaving his duties to Bill Smith. Smith would have a very active winter as at this point, the Twins had already lost OF Torii Hunter to the Angels, a move that devastated the Twins fan base. Smith knew he had to get a big bat to fill the lineup, so he made a move that now lives in infamy. Matt Garza, Jason Bartlett, and Eduardo Morlan all went to Tampa Bay for Delmon Young, Brendan Harris, and Jason Pridie.

At first, it was good. Delmon went to Twinsfest and greeted his new fans, which seemed to already love him despite he never picked up a bat for the team. After all, he was the runner up for AL Rookie of the Year in 2007. A lot of Twins fans envisioned Delmon to be a force and be able to mash in the Metrodome. At 22 years old, it seemed like a Kevin Garnett situation: Anything was possible.

Then came the 2008 season. Delmon couldn't hit the ball out of the infield. It took until June to hit his first home run. Delmon wouldn't listen to hitting coach Joe Vavra about his swing and proceded to hack at pig slop nightly. On top of all this, Delmon forgot his fielding skills in Tampa Bay.

Delmon now routinely struggles with the routine play in left field, usually running into the wall to make it look like he gave a good effort. Delmon also can't do anything at the plate. Last night, with the Twins down a run and one out. Michael Cuddyer was on third base. The Pirates were playing back which meant that if Delmon hit it to anywhere but the pitcher, Cuddyer would have scored. He just had to wait for the right pitch. Delmon swung on the first pitch and grounded to the pitcher, who got Cuddyer in a rundown. Delmon would later ground into a double play.

I'm sick of this. Yes, he's only 23 years old, but he has to get it at some point. He can't go around not receiving advice on his swing, which has no chance to generate power at this point. This is a much different situation than Joe Mauer because Mauer's swing could always generate power, but oh yeah...HE'LL TAKE A FREAKIN WALK EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE. Delmon has walked 5 times...THE ENTIRE SEASON!

The worst part about this is that once Delmon leaves the Twins, there is NO doubt in my mind that Delmon will become an absolute force. I don't know why, but it seems like Delmon can't wait to get out of Minnesota and once he puts on a Yankee or Red Sox uniform...BOOM!

So to sum it up, I should quote one of my childhood heroes, The Rock. As the People's Champ would once say "It looks like a monkey came down here, took a crap, and out popped Delmon Young." Needless to say, I hate Delmon Young.

Coaching Changes All Over

I'm going to start this off with why I hate Twitter. Twitter is a bunch of facebook statuses combined so that we can waste even more time checking another random website. As Conan O'Brien suggested, in the year 3000, You Tube, Facebook, and Twitter will all combine to form a mega time wasting website known as "You TwitFace".

This view was confirmed by Kevin Love's Twitter page at about midnight last night when he announced that Kevin McHale would not be returning as Wolves coach. The only problem was that he was the only one who knew about this. So Twitter beat ESPN.com to the punch. After all, the Celtics, Lakers, or Knicks didn't fire their coach, so why would they?

I'm kind of dissapointed by this. McHale says he didn't step down and said that he wanted to see the young roster that he assembled continue to grow for the next couple of years. However, this also contradicts his past statements of how much he hates traveling and media committments. So now who's next as Wolves coach?

Avery Johnson - 194-70 as Mavericks Head Coach (2004-08)

I don't know what to think about the little general patroling the sidelines in Minnesota, but I was screaming for it last year. A lot of people might point to the Mavericks choking in the playoffs a lot, but Avery got his team deep into the playoffs with the exception of the first round loss to Golden State that cost him his job. Even if he sucks as a coach, he would instantly be a favorite on KFAN because of his high pitched voice.

Bill Lambeer - (Won 3 WNBA Titles with Detroit Shock)

The darkhorse candidate, but Laimbeer recently resigned looking for a NBA coaching job. He did a good job with the Shock, but does that translate to the NBA. No WNBA coach has coached in the NBA as of yet so it would be interesting to see a transition.

Sam Mitchell - (156-189 with Toronto Raptors; 2004-2008)

Mitchell has a losing record, but I think this is the guy that most Wolves fans want. Mitchell was Mr. Timberwolf before some Kevin Garnett guy got to Minnesota. Mitchell's main accomplishment was that he guided Toronto to the playoffs for two consecutive seasons. That being the high point of Toronto Raptor basketball. Mitchell would bring the same discipline that McHale would have brought to the team.

Expect a decision a week after the NBA draft at the absolute latest. Chad Ford currently has the Wolves taking Tyreke Evans (PG - Memphis) in the first round.

As for the Minnesota Wild, they introduced Todd Richards as the second head coach in Wild history. Richards was an assistant coach for the San Jose Sharks, who won the Presidents Cup last season for having the most points in the Western Conference.  Richards is also a Minnesotan native who starred at Armstrong High School and then at the University of Minnesota, becoming team captain in 1989.

All thats good and all, but can he win. Well, he's won at every level. He's won a Calder Cup in Milwaukee and nearly won another with the Wilkes-Barre Baby Penguins. The Sharks weren't that bad last year either. Anyways, many people think that if Richards hadn't left the Penguins organization, he would have become the head coach. That wouldn't have turned out too bad for him. Instead, Dan Bylsma got the job and his name on the cup.

Bylsma complimented the Wild by saying that Richards and new Wild GM Chuck Fletcher were "the perfect team to lead the Wild into the future". From a Stanley Cup winning coach, I can't say that's a bad suggestion to have on your resume.

Now the elephant in the room is what style will Richards play? It sounds like the Wild will be scoring more than 2-3 goals a game next season...so will this appeal Gaborik? I think so. But I don't think he's staying here. The green light style will tempt Gabby a bit, but I think this happened way too late in the game. However, I don't think the setback will be too much for the team.

The slew of offensive defenseman (Burns, Begeron, Zidlicky, and Johnsson to name a few) will actually be allowed to leave their post. Video Game Hockey is going to make it's way to Minnesota and players will improve. Remember how much James Sheppard hated Lemaire's neutral zone trap? Well, I think he'll have a monster year next season now that the chains are being taken off.

Coming up for the Wild, the draft. This should be interesting because Fletcher is shopping players, presumably goalie Josh Harding, and winger Pierre Marc-Bouchard. From there, the Wild will hit the free agent market, and then Fletcher will try and commit highway robbery later in the summer by trying to find teams over the cap and getting solid players from them. Stay tuned.

NL All-Stars Revisited

Back again with the NL All-Stars, check below this post for the AL All-Stars...

C - Brian McCann (ATL) (.327, 6 HR, 27 RBI)

Fans Choice: Yadier Molina (STL) (.264-4-19)

2nd Place: Molina

I had Pudge in this spot last time, but the catcher position is so weak in the NL, I gotta go with a guy who was hurt most of the season. McCann is the best catcher in the NL right now and has worked his way back into being the player he was before his eye infection. Cardinal fans want Molina to start, but he hasn't played as well as McCann.

1B - Albert Pujols (STL) (.324-22-57)

Fans Choice - Pujols

2nd Place - Ryan Howard (PHI) (.257-19-51)

2nd Place is just a consolation prize. Pujols will start. Any questions?

2B - Chase Utley (PHI) (.305-15-43)

Fans Choice: Utley

2nd Place: Orlando Hudson (LAD) (.310-4-34)

Hudson is having a career year and he's damn near impossible to get out in MLB The Show '09, but Utley is the choice here. Not only has he come back early from a hip injury, he's putting up great numbers doing it.

SS - Hanley Ramierez (FLA) (.330-8-34)

Fans Choice: Jimmy Rollins (PHI) (.217-5-25)

2nd Place: Miguel Tejada (HOU) (.344-6-34)

Not much to choose from here. Ramirez should start, but what the hell is Rollins doing up there. He's around the Mendoza line, so should David Ortiz start in the AL? Tejada might be the second closest here, as he's rebounding nicely from all the off-season troubles he had been having despite a drop in power numbers.

3B - David Wright (NYM) (.364-4-36)

FC: Wright

2nd: Ryan Zimmerman (WSH) (.310-12-42)

Zimmerman will find his way onto the All-Star team, but Wright has been hitting out of his mind. The only drawback is that Citi field has turned him into a singles hitter, but he's been relying more on his speed to steal 17 bases so far.

OF - Raul Ibanez (PHI) (.322-22-59)

OF - Ryan Braun (MIL) (.313-14-32)

OF - Carlos Beltran (NYM) (.344-8-39)

4th: Matt Kemp (LAD) (.305-8-35)

These are pretty much locks. All three outfielders seem to have a death grip, and my 4th choice is so far behind that it won't happen.

SP - Johan Santana (NYM) (8-4, 3.29 ERA, 94 K)

Selected by Manager Charlie Manuel

2nd Place: Chad Billingley (LAD) (9-3, 2.72 ERA, 93 K)

3rd Place: Matt Cain (SF) (9-1, 2.93 ERA, 66 K)

Shocking that the Giants pitcher in the running isn't Tim Lincecum. However, I think it's a two horse race between Santana and Billingsley. Santana's ERA got stomped yesterday by the Yankees when he gave up 9 runs, but he's still been spectacular for the Mets and is on pace to win 20 games for the first time in his career. Billingsley is lurking in the shadows, but gotta go with the best big game pitcher in the NL right now.

RP - Trevor Hoffman (MIL) (0-1, 0.47 ERA, 15/15 SV)

Selected by Manager Charlie Manuel

2nd Place: Heath Bell (SD) (2-1, 1.32 ERA, 18/18 SV)

Hells Bells...enough said. But still, Bell has done a great job replacing Hoffman in San Diego. He'll be on the team for sure and like I mentioned, this is an arbitrary position. Hoffman will probably close no matter what.

NL All-Star Lineup (Revised 6/15)

C - Brian McCann*

1B - Albert Pujols

2B - Chase Utley

SS - Hanley Ramirez

3B - David Wright

OF - Raul Ibanez

OF - Ryan Braun

OF - Carlos Beltran

SP - Johan Santana

CP - Trevor Hoffman

So there you have it. There might even be a third post today about the Stanley Cup, so stay tuned...

AL All-Star Team Revisited

As I mentioned at the beginning of the month, I would write out three different All-Star Ballots for the AL and NL All-Star teams for the game in St. Louis on July 14th. This will be the second in three installments of who I think deserves to make the All Star Team. Here is the American League All-Stars...

C - Joe Mauer (MIN) (.414 AVG, 13 HR, 40 RBI)

Fans Choice: Mauer

2nd Place: Nobody

Mauer continues to put up video game numbers as he has already tied his career high in home runs. He's on pace to win his third batting title and he's still very young.

1B - Justin Morneau (MIN) (.329 AVG, 16 HR, 54 RBI)

Fans Choice: Mark Texiera (NYY) (.284 AVG, 20 HR, 54 RBI)

2nd Place: Texiera

The gap is smaller here than it is with Mauer, but Tex got off to a really slow start with New York. I'm not a big fan of Ozzie Guillen, but he talked about Morneau last summer and said "If this guy played in New York or Boston, he'd be the freakin king. But since he plays in Minnesota, nobody knows about him." Morneau is putting up Pujols numbers right now and deserves to start because of the park he plays in (Metrodome compared to Yankee Stadium) and his supporting cast.

2B - Ian Kinsler (TEX) (.260-15-44)

Fans Choice: Kinsler

2nd Place: Dustin Pedroia (BOS) (.293-2-25)

Well, Kinsler has cooled off since he hasn't played my fantasy team in a while, so that's hurting him. But Pedroia is really far behind. You could say that Pedroia should start because of the "intangibles" that he brings to the Red Sox, but come on. Kinsler is putting up good numbers, although his average has slipped. Both will make the team, but Kinsler should start.

SS - Jason Bartlett (TB) (.373-7-30)

Fans Choice: Derek Jeter (NYY) (.310-9-30)

2nd Place: Jeter

I was a bit apalled when Jeter was the leading vote getter, but he's putting up a solid season. Now that the Yankees have gotten comfortable with their new airport they call a stadium, Jeter has taken off. Bottom line is, Bartlett better get off the DL soon, or else Jeter will start. Well, wait, Jeter's leading by 1,000,000 votes anyways. Heh...

3B - Evan Longoria (TB) (.305-14-58)

Fans Choice: Longoria

2nd Place: Alex Rodriguez (NYY) (.230-9-26)

I know, how can A-Rod be second place? Well, there's not much here other than Longoria and A-Rod. Longoria should start, A-Rod will make the team because of name recognition.

OF - Jason Bay (BOS) (.286-17-61)

OF - Torii Hunter (LAA) (.319-16-51)

OF - Adam Jones (BAL) (.324-12-41)

4th Place: Carl Crawford (TB) (.316-5-29-36 SB)

Bay is a lock at this point. He will be the top free agent of his class

Hunter is comfortable in LA, and should start the game.

The last battle is between Adam Jones and Carl Crawford. Both are playing out of their mind, and Crawford is healthy after a disasterous 2008 season. You might want to keep an eye out for Ichiro too, who is also on fire as we speak.

SP - Zack Grienke (8-2, 1.72 ERA, 97 K)

Selected by Manager Joe Maddon

2nd Place: Roy Halladay (10-1, 2.53 ERA, 88 K)

3rd Place: Kevin Slowey (9-2, 4.23 ERA, 66 K)

As a Twins fan, I would love to see Kevin Slowey start the All-Star Game, but it's not going to happen...UNLESS. Grienke hasn't pitched like he did at the beginning of the season recently and Halladay left a game Friday with a groin injury. If Grienke struggles, Halladay is hurt for a long period of time, and Slowey racks up a couple more wins before the All-Star break, we may see a trio of Twins in the starting lineup.

RP - Jonathan Papelbon (BOS) (0-1, 1.93 ERA, 16/17 SV)

Selected by Manager Joe Maddon

2nd Place: Joe Nathan (MIN) (1-1, 1.78 ERA, 15/17 SV)

Both of these guys are really good, and I think it will come down to who has the most saves. However, the closer in the ASG is an arbitrary position as it will probably be Mariano Rivera who shuts it down for the AL. However, I'm going to have fun with it and say that Papelbon (PUKE) will be the closer for the team.

So that means...

C - Joe Mauer

1B - Justin Morneau

2B - Ian Kinsler

3B - Evan Longoria

SS - Jason Bartlett

OF - Jason Bay

OF - Torii Hunter

OF - Adam Jones

SP - Zach Grienke

CP - Jonathan Papelbon*

* Denotes Change from original version...

Again, these take a really long time to crank out, so I'll throw up the NL team in a couple hours.

I Hate The White Sox

To add to my "People That I Hate" Series, I would like to add another group of people into this category. But before I start, I would just like to say one thing. To those of you who know me beyond this blog, they understand what I mean when I say "I hate ______". To those of you who don't, I don't actually hate people, I just hate their on field personalities. For example, I'm sure Jonathan Papelbon kisses babies and gives to charity but on the field, I would love to see him get ran over by a mack truck. So just cause I hate these people on the field, doesn't mean I hate them off of it. Anyways, without further ado...

I hate the Chicago White Sox. Not just one player, I hate the entire team, the front office, the broadcast team, and their fans. Let's just take this one step at a time...

When I talk about the team, this is a no brainer. The White Sox are the Twins current rival. When these two teams get together, I want the Twins to win as badly as possible. The White Sox are to the Twins are like the Packers are to the Vikings. The White Sox have players that you wouldn't cheer for under any circumstance. Jim Thome has destroyed the Twins over his career. Paul Konerko has played fairly well. Oh and then there's A.J. Pierzynski. I'm sure I'll have another installment of "People that I hate" for him later. Their manager has tirades where I can't understand what he's saying. All of this makes me laugh hysterically when the White Sox come to the Metrodome and flop like fish.

The front office is also a point of hatred. Kenny Williams is the White Sox general manager, and he's very good at his job. I like to refer to him as the anti-Terry Ryan. He's agressive and creative. But he's also an incredibly arrogant person. Every time I see an interview with him, the camera is always zoomed in on his face. No backdrop or anything, it's just Kenny Williams me time. Listen to what he says. He also doesn't have the balls to show his face in Minnesota until Target Field opens next season. Williams was absent from the crucial late September series at the Metrodome. Probably because the Sox...flop like fish.

The broadcasters make me want to puke. As an aspiring broadcaster, I like a little bit of bias when you're covering a home team, but Hawk Harrelson pours it as gently as a cement truck. His signature phrases "YOU CAN PUT IT ON THE BOAAAAAAAAARD [YES!]" and "HE GONE!" make me want to bash my head into a wall repeatedly. Harrelson fits the mold of a Chicago sportswriter/broadcaster. Fat? Check. Annoying? Check. The ability to mow down hot dogs with wreckless abandon? Check. I personally hope Hawk chokes on a hot dog sometime in the near future.

Then there are my most ridiculous point of hatred. The fans. White Sox fans make Packer fans look like my best friends. A simple story here will do. At the Twins/Sox game towards the end of the year, the Twins overcame a five run defecit to tie the game and get it to extra innings. The entire Metrodome was standing up during the bottom of the tenth and screaming. The inning ended and everyone sat down...except for the White Sox fan in front of us. After screaming at him for the entire first at bat to sit down. He turned around and said "You guys got to stand up during your half of the inning, I'm going to stand up for mine." Needless to say we were about to take him to the Metrodome restroom and bash his face into the troft. His girlfriend was just as stupid, telling us to "Sit the @#$% down."

Aside from this, White Sox fans apparently have a great rite of passage ritual. A father and son, jump onto the field, rip their shirts off, and beat down the first base coach. How manly is that?

So, yes, I hate the Chicago White Sox. Any questions?

Time For A Draft

You may not have heard about it, but today is the Major League Baseball Draft. Over the past couple of years, there have been improvements made to this draft (Although it's on MLB Network this year. Good luck finding that.) First of all, it's now on television. In past years, teams could spend as much as they wanted on one player, which gave the bigger teams an advantage. Now each pick has a salary cap on it, something the NFL could use right now. However, the MLB draft is an absolute crapshoot. For example, let's take a look at the top ten 1999 draft...

1. TB - Josh Hamilton*

2. FLA - Josh Beckett*

3. DET - Eric Munson

4. ARI - Corey Meyers

5. MIN - B.J. Garbe (YEEEEEEEEAH!!!)

6. MON - Josh Girdley

7. KC - Kyle Snider

8. PIT - Bobby Bradley

9. OAK - Barry Zito*

10. MIL - Ben Sheets*

* Denotes All-Star

As you can see drafting high schoolers is incredibly difficult. It's the same system they use in the NHL. Hell, could you imagine if the NFL did this? Wow. Regardless, there is one player that is the buzz of this draft.

San Diego State pitcher Steven Strasburg is going to be the number one pick to the Washington Nationals. Strasburg is a beast. He can hit 103 MPH out of the bullpen and can touch the high 90's late into a ballgame. Another thing about Strasburg is that he has a career high of 23 strikeouts. There's 27 outs in a ballgame. That's pretty dominant. A lot of "experts" can predict that Strasburg can join a major league rotation without spending a day in the minor leagues. Still, there's just one problem.

Signability. This has effected the NFL draft a little bit when it comes to the number one pick, but the entire MLB draft has this issue. Teams will pass up on big time talents, just because they don't want to waste a pick. The issue has been solved in some sort by the addition of the rule that if a team can't sign their first round draft pick, they receieve a pick the following year. (The Nationals have had this experience after failing to sign their first round pick last season, Aaron Crow. They have the 10th pick this year and could receieve the 2nd pick next year if they fail to sign their first pick this season.) This effects small market teams because they will pass on a talent because they're afraid it will be a wasted pick. 

In some cases this works out for the better. In 2000, the Twins held the first overall pick. That year there was a very similar draft prospect to Strasburg. Mark Prior was assumed to be the number one pick, but the Twins passed on him in favor of a HS catcher from Minnesota named Joe Mauer. Thank God. However, in other cases, it hasn't been as favorable. Rick Porcello, a right hander for the Detroit Tigers, was considered a top 5 talent, but wound up falling to 27th in the 2007 MLB Draft because teams were afraid they weren't able to sign him.

This clearly needs to be fixed. Could you imagine the Cleveland Cavaliers passing up on LeBron James because he cost too much money? Or how about the Vikings passing up on Adrian Peterson for the same reason rather than his injury history? This hurts the fans more than anything and in baseball hungry Washington where they are running out of patience, it's sad that they have to worry about this when a guy who could change their fortunes is sitting on their doorstep.

To preview the MLB Draft, here are the Twins first round picks the last 5 seasons...

2004 - SS Trevor Plouffe (20th Overall; Currently at AAA Rochester)

2005 - P Matt Garza (25th Overall; Currently at Tampa Bay; 2008 ALCS MVP)

2006 - OF Chris Parmalee (20th Overall; Currently at A Fort Myers)

2007 - OF Ben Revere (28th Overall; Currently at A Fort Myers)

2008 - OF Aaron Hicks (14th Overall; Currently....well he's listed as being in the GCL but isn't actuve anywhere yet...sooooo???)

              P Carlos Guttierrez (27th Overall; Currently at AA New Britain)

Plan B

So Brett Favre finally had the surgery on his shoulder that supposedly is the road block between him and becoming the starting quarterback for the Vikings on September 13th vs. the Cleveland Browns. Minnesota continues to be divided on this subject. As a matter of fact, most Minnesotans are don't want Favre and his Texas-sized ego here at all. So, I've been thinking a little bit and I've thought of an alternative solution that would be just as good.

Minnesota already has a big time quarterback in the state. He used to wear purple and gold, and was very successful on the gridiron. He's already had a machine like season in which he threw for 3,022 yards, 41 touchdowns, and 3 interceptions. This QB also had an offer to play for Florida State, which is a pretty damn good football program. So, just who the hell am I talking about?

If you hate Favre, you should cheer for the Vikings to start Joe Mauer at quarterback.

Honestly, how perfect is this? Even the governor of the state of Minnesota suggested this, so it has to be a good move! When you compare the two, it seems like trying to recruit Mauer to wear purple and gold again would make more sense than trying to get a 39 year old, washed up has been who simply doesn't want Peyton Manning or Tom Brady to break his records.

These two are very comparable. You want to get support for a new Vikings stadium. Sure, the Vikings would garner some support by bringing Favre in, but have you been to a Twins game? Next time you go, simply count the number of Mauer jerseys in the crowd. A lot of people go to Twins games simply to see Mauer. If you bring Mauer over to the Vikings, how many #7 jerseys would sell (Sorry, T-Jack.)? A truckload.

The scary part is that this could actually work. Mauer usually doesn't catch on Sundays or during day games and...what do you know? The Vikings practice during the day and play on Sundays! How good does Mauer to Harvin sound right now?

Plus, if you want the Vikings just to get Brett Favre so he can throw it through 8 people, well let's not forget that Joe Mauer is, in Peyton Manning's words, a 6-5, 225 pound quarterback with a laser rocket arm! I have proof!!!

Oh and if you're looking to acquire Favre as a "Purple Jesus" um...let's not forget that we have Baby Jesus in our backyard. You want Jesus powers? You got Jesus powers!

Well, I'm not completely on drugs, but I'm telling you, if the Vikings were smart. This would be the way to go to get to the Super Bowl. We can all hope and pray that Mauer gets his Greg Paulus on. Of course, the one difference would be that Mauer would kick ass at two sports while Paulus sucks at both. (Yup, that was unnecessary.)

Coming to Rochester soon?

The Twins, for the most part, are a very enjoyable team to watch. Most of the time, they're competitive and...can't believe I'm going to say this...battle their tails off to get the win. Even when they come up short, our Minnesota nice mentality gives them a pass. After all, they're the only team to win a professional championship in Minnesota and they have TWO! However, we should ditch the Minnesota nice mentality for two players temporarily. Delmon Young and Carlos Gomez need to go to AAA.

Young and Gomez definatly have their similarities. Both came in trades in which the Twins got absolutely raped...

Twins obtained Delmon Young, Brendan Harris, and Jason Pridie from Tampa Bay for Matt Garza, Jason Bartlett, and Eduardo Morlan...

Twins obtained Carlos Gomez, Phillip Humber, Kevin Mulvey, and Delois Guerra from the Mets for Johan Santana.

They also come from organizations that have horrible track records. Tell me, aside from Carl Crawford, Evan Longoria, and maybe David Price...have the Rays struck gold? (Josh Hamilton doesn't count.) Then just taking a look at the Mets roster will tell you that they can't draft. David Wright and Jose Reyes are the only two players who are worth a damn that are homegrown. The Mets have also had epic fails with "can't miss prospects" such as Lastings Milledge, possibly Fernando Martinez, and all four players from the Santana trade.

Gomez and Young have struggled to hit balls out of the infield as well. Gomez is an elite defensive outfielder, but his offense is so bad what good does it do to have 7 people in your lineup. As for Delmon...

MY NAME IS DELMON

I'm carrying the world...

No my names not Sheldon

The guy hits the ball

It goes off the wall

Delmon not field good

Cause he misunderstood

What Gardy said today

Cause Delmon was so late

Delmon he gets really sad

The fans, they get really made

Vavra says "Hey Delmon go the other way"

WE ARE NOT WINNING TODAY!!!

It's clear to me that these two are putting way too much pressure on themselves at the plate, and Delmon might be bringing that out to the field. The solution is to send these guys to Rochester for a couple weeks and let them hit without pressure. After a while, it might be enough to get their confidence back. The Twins should forget about "hurting anyones feelings" and make a decision that could help the Twins in the near future.

Also, if you're thinking what the hell do we do with the lineup, here's what we do...

C - Mauer

1B - Morneau

2B - Casilla

3B - Crede

SS - Harris

LF - Kubel

CF - Span

RF - Cuddyer

DH - Morales (call up from Rochester)

That lineup looks pretty damn good to me, but we'll have to wait and see what happens.

NOTE: Now that I've said this, these two should light the world on fire the next couple weeks.

The Night Of Death

I had a really pathetic experience last night. So, the Twins had an off day and Crishad comes home. As a matter of fact, I think this would work out better in...um...I don't know...

6:00 pm: Crishad is supposed to be off work right now. However, there were a bunch of hanging baskets by the dumpster. Nobody seems to know what to do with them so Crishad puts them away. 15 minutes later, Crishad is told that everyone knew that those plants were being treated for bugs and it was impossible that I didn't know that they were being treated. Crishad goes back puts the plants away.

6:20 pm: Crishad finally runs out of Menards. Crishad jumps in his car to hear some song about Polka Dotted Bikinis. Crishad wants to rip his radio out and throw it into the Mississippi River. He thinks better of it.

6:35 pm: Crishad arrives at home and makes a frozen pizza.

6:52 pm: Crishad burns his tounge on the first piece, the rest of it tastes like cardboard.

7:00 pm: Crishad's roomate turns on a show on the Discovery Channel. I think the name of this was "These Creatures Can and Will @#$% your @#$% Up If You Ever Go To Brazil.

7:11 pm: OK, snakes, crocodiles and things of that nature will kill you, I already knew that. But Bees. To quote Dane Cook, "@#$% bees!"

7:37 pm: A spider bite can kill you. This thing was huge, and supposedly really smart. Best of all, it hides in Bananas imported from Brazil. So guess what? Next time you pick up a banana you're going to die. Hooray.

7:52 pm: TURN THIS SHOW OFF ALREADY! Caterpillars can kill me. Not only that, but if I step on this creature, it pumps poision that makes me bleed everywhere. That sounds like a fun way to die!

8:04 pm: I think I'm in the clear. I'll turn on Monday Night Raw and see what's up. As soon as I turn the channel, the Nature Boy Ric Flair is staring at me screaming "I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS PUNK PUNK PUNK!!!" I immediatly look up Joe Mauer and Brett Favre's number for protection. Surprisingly, they aren't listed in the phone book.

8:17 pm: Crishad and his roomate are staring at each other in boredom. After suggesting we just get hammered, Crishad's roomate has a better idea: Planet Earth Monopoly!

8:22 pm: Playing Monopoly with two people sucks. Apparently if you decline to buy something, you have to auction it off. However, when you have two people, the other person is going to buy it for one dollar more than your assets. Crishad desperatly texts a friend who responds, "I'm so freaking dead!" Crishad replies: "I'm going to die too!"

9:42 pm: Crishad throws in the towel. I'm pretty sure the deck of Chance and Community Chest cards were stacked against me but oh well. Meanwhile, two wolves are ripping apart a guy on the TV.

10:02 pm: We give wrestling a second try. Apparently, Ric Flair has been just standing there screaming "WHOOOOO!!!" the entire two hours waiting for me. Let's turn on the news.

10:07 pm: Someone killed someone in Minneapolis...

10:15 pm: Nice weather coming up....

10:27 pm: Twins are off? Never would have guessed.

10:35 pm: THANK GOD FOR CONAN O'BRIEN!!!

11:35 pm: Well, played Conan...good night world!