Sons of Broadcasters

National TV executives have a problem to deal with. It begins with the old announcers of baseball. I'm talking about Bob Uecker, Vin Scully, Herb Carneal and others who made the game come to life before baseball was on television. Then came the next wave of announcers. Jack Buck comes to mind when you think about good TV announcers.

Buck was the voice of the St. Louis Cardinals for the majority of their existence. Buck had the things that you would look for in a baseball humor. Buck would add excitement to baseball broadcasts with his humor, his excitement, and his knowledge of the game. As a matter of fact, Twins fans probably have Buck's voice in their heads as he screamed "And we'll see you tomorrow night!" as Kirby Puckett rounded the bases after his walk off home run in Game 6 of the 1991 World Series. However, as good as Buck was, his son, Joe, does nothing short of making my ears bleed.

Joe Buck was hired by Fox Sports in 1994 as a regional play-by-play broadcaster for their NFL games. Just two years later, Buck started broadcasting major league baseball games, replacing his father as the lead play-by-play announcer for these games. This was the beginning of the end for making MLB on Fox incredibly boring.

You may ask, "Chris, you're an aspiring broadcaster? Why do you hate Joe Buck?" For one, he's incredibly monotone in his broadcasting. Let's take a look at Joe Buck's greatest calls. Do you have one that stands out? No? Well, I most certainly do. It's the one where he does this. Did you hear that? Yup, it's the "This moment is so dramatic I can't say anything" call. Buck does this constantly. Also, Buck has little to no sense of humor. Case in point: The Randy Moss mooning incident. Buck screamed "That is disgusting!" after Moss pretended to pull down his pants. Sorry, Joe. Disgusting would have been if Moss proceeded to "Shake his @#$% at them" as he said in a local TV interview (or at least that's what I think it was?) Sports aren't supposed to be these dramatic experiences where even the broadcaster can't say anything. They're supposed to be fun and entertaining, two things which Joe Buck is not.

But this isn't limited to Joe Buck. Chip Caray is the announcer for the Atlanta Braves and he can't get him enough of the Yankees. You could literally hear him drooling while the umpires were screwing over the Twins in the ALDS. (Granted the Twins couldn't hit a home run, so I regress.) Caray doesn't have any of the qualities that his grandfather, Harry, had.

Harry was a loveable figure throughout sports. I don't even know how Harry could have loved his noseless grandson with exception of the fact that he sounded drunk half the time, so maybe that was it. Chip obviously doesn't do research for his games as he often gives out erroneous information such as Orlando Cabrera appearing in the postseason with the Yankees and the Rays, two teams that Cabrera has never put on a uniform for. Also, Caray persists on using the words "fisted to ____" when a player fights off a pitch. This may show my immaturity, but when he's in the booth with his boy toy Ron Sterling, it makes me wonder why he chooses that wording, but I already know.

Fact of the matter is, sons (and grandsons) of legendary broadcasters do not always make legendary broadcasters. However, Harry Caray's son Skip would go on to be a legendary broadcaster for the Atlanta Braves, so there are exceptions. There are regional announcers who are a lot better than the two clowns, I previously mentioned. I would rather listen to Dick Bremer call the World Series than Joe Buck. Sure, it's a homer statement, but Bremer gives excitement and humor to the game, two things that Joe Buck doesn't know. So please, television executives, take Joe Buck and Skip Caray off my televisions before I tear my ear drums out with a mechanical pencil!

Idiot of the Year Award Candidate: Steve Phillips

Every year, we come across people that if we hadn't crossed these people, we would have more brain cells than we have now because this certain person wouldn't have killed them. Since this is the first year of the Crishad Experience blog, I've decided to do something new. This year, I've decided to try and award the biggest idiot of the year. For our first candidate, we honor a man that has excelled in the art of being a true idiot. So without further ado, our first nominee for the 2009 idiot of the year award is...Steve Phillips!

Steve Phillips is from Wilton, Connecticut and has been working for the Eastern Sports Propaganda Network since 2005. Phillips was hired to replace Harold Reynolds, who actually gave a crap about the small market teams in baseball. Phillips helped turn ESPN into what it is today: A news network that drools over New York, Boston, and Los Angeles and will crap on any other city. Phillips had an extensive background as a craptacular minor league baseball player and an even worse general manager for the New York Mets.

However, none of these are reasons for his nomination for the 2009 Idiot of the Year Award. You see, Mr. Phillips has a couple of judgement issues. The most recent of these judgement issues is an affair with 22 year old production assistant Brooke Hundley. (Pictured above) You may think that Phillips is an idiot because of the fact that if you do ever decide to cheat on your wife, you should at least pick someone ATTRACTIVE!!! As you can see, this is not the case. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Mr. Phillips came down with a case of the Swine Flu.

The reason for Phillips nomination is for constantly thinking with his male instincts rather than his head. In 1998, Phillips was accused of sexual harassment of a female employee. Phillips took a brief leave of absence to settle this deal out of court, but the fact of the matter is that he got cheating on his wife, Mami, once. Why do this again? Especially with that?

Heck, the bigger idiot in this situation might be Ms. Hundley. What does that slimeball say to her that would make her want to sleep with him? Did he mention how he discovered David Wright? Did he mention how he ran the Mets into the ground? Or did he just talk her into submission by telling her in March that the Mets would win the 2009 World Series? Actually, thanks to some letters we now know.

Hundley was concerned that if she slept with Phillips, she would become pregnant. How did this silver fox get his way? He assured her that she wouldn't become pregnant because he previously had a vasectomy. I'm not a girl, and I'm not that great in terms of the psychology to get a woman to sleep with you, but seriously, I'm pretty sure that's a red flag!!!

But the nod here goes to Phillips. Not only did he cheat on his wife for the second time, but he also threw a very promising career at ESPN away. Sure, he was an idiot, but let's look at what he threw away. He was on his way to becoming a somewhat noticeable figure at ESPN. He was on their flagship baseball show, "Baseball Tonight" a majority of nights. He also was being groomed to become the color commentator for Sunday Night Baseball because Joe Morgan isn't getting younger. Yup, Steve Phillips pretty much threw away his chance to become the face of baseball on ESPN.

In closing, ESPN has fired Mr. Phillips, and his wife (who I just saw a picture of...I think she could probably whoop his ass, so it makes it even dumber for him to cheat on her) has filed for divorce. Mr. Phillips just threw everything down the drain due to stupidity, so he throws his hat in the ring for idiot of the year.

The Anatomy of The Fan

So, this has never been done before. I correct myself, this has never been done with a foulmouthed, sports obsessed, fan doing the study before. However, there was one thing that made me write this. Actually, it was a two day period. The Saturday night before, I decided to wear my white Adrian Peterson jersey out to downtown River Falls. I walk downtown, cross the bridge across the Kinnickinnic River and then the thought hit me. "How long will it take for some idiot to comment on my attire?" The answer was one.

"HEY, THAT'S ADRIAN PETERSON OVER THERE!!!" Yup, the onslaught started...

"VIKINGS SUCK!!!"

"I @#$%^&*( hate the Vikings, but God, I love Adrian Peterson!"

"Do you think the Vikings are going to win tomorrow?"

"ALL DAY!!!"

And the list would go on and on. Apparently, Adrian Peterson in Wisconsinite is translated into "Please, I don't know you or care to know you, but I want to know your uttermost feelings about the Vikings and Adrian Peterson including why you like your team down to the fact that your dad would hit you if you didn't cheer for _______." This fact was reinforced when a random guy in a car screamed "PETERSON EATS DONKEY @#$%!" on Cascade Avenue Monday morning.

These events got me thinking. Why do people do this? Well, I needed answers so I talked to Kyle Mills, my roomate. I know what you're thinking. What psychopath lives with Crishad? THIS GUY!!! However, Kyle introduced me into his realm of thinking when it comes to fans. This is a philosophy that I agreed with quite quickly.

The first type of fan is the intelligent fan. This is the fan at the top of the food chain who can back up their statements with something other than "You suck", "Bite me", or my personal favorite "@#$% you." These fans will usually quote statistics and will readily show why they root for a team that makes the interviewer in this case, step back and say "Woah."

The second type is the intermediate fan. This fan cheers for his team and occasionally stoops to lows, but most of the time, he can back his arguments up. Stats and other variables are also used when picking his favorite team, and he can hold his own in a conversation with the intelligent fan. Most sports fans fall into this category.

Then there is the third tier, the semi-challenged fan. These fans are pretty die-hard for their team and if you don't play for said team, you suck. For example, every Packer fan that has told me Peterson sucks, despite the fact that he looks like the second coming of Barry Sanders, falls into this category. Anybody who has said that Brett Favre sucks without proper reasoning falls into this category. Anyone who has hated on Peyton Manning and says that the Colts should have drafted Ryan Leaf instead falls into this category.

Then, there's rock bottom baby! These fans are the scum of the earth. Their team is king, no matter what. They can hate a player for all eternity, but the second that said player puts on their jersey, he suddenly becomes God. For example, all Viking fans who rushed out, bought Viking tickets, bought a Brett Favre jersey, and every hint of Favre memorabilia after Favre came back falls into this category. Well, that is if you thought Favre was right next to your poop in your ranking of NFL quarterbacks. These fans also root for teams like the Detroit Lions, Cleveland Browns, Oakland Raiders, and (to throw it in there) the Los Angeles Clippers.

Yup, this is why drunk morons love to voice their opinions at me. I mean, let's think about this here. I probably have some kind of anxiety issues when I do meet people, so for random people to run up and tell me their life story when it comes to sports, just strikes me as being stupid. If I know you, that's cool because most of the time, I like to talk sports. However, if you're Random McRandomson and want to talk, be careful and don't try and spear me through the bar. I will think of you higher on the scale of fandom.

The Curse Of The Falcon

It's a Saturday afternoon at Ramer Field in River Falls, Wisconsin. The River Falls Falcon football team is trying to force a fourth overtime vs. the La Crosse Eagles. The Eagles have defeated the Falcons 16 straight times coming into this matchup. The score is 47-47. The Eagles lineup for their two point conversion. Nick Anker drops back and fires to the far corner of the end zone. A Falcon gets his hand up and tips the ball...right into the hands of an Eagle player for the game winning score. The Eagles ran onto the field like they had just won the Super Bowl. On the other sideline, the Falcon football players look dejected. It's at this moment where I'm pretty sure that the Falcons are cursed.

I don't know when this happened. Did Taylor Edwards step on a crack somewhere? Did Ryan Luessenhide anger an old woman by not opening the door for her? Did former center Scott Witte eat a truckload of bad fish? Maybe Coach O'Grady was painting his house and walked under a couple ladders. It's insane how close this football team has been to rising back to relevancy. The final years of the wishbone era were kind of brutal, but then came the introduction of the zone offense to River Falls.

With this offense, the Falcons would mount a formidable passing attack. Storm Harmon would crush every Falcon passing record within two seasons as quarterback. Michael Zweifel was brought in two seasons ago and smashed every Falcon receiving record within a single season. Suddenly, the Falcons were exciting again. Shootouts were a common occurrence and they were fun to watch. However, a funny thing happened on the road to relevance.

It seems like every Falcon game, the team has one or two bad luck bounces that causes them to lose the game. Consider the following. The Falcons previous 5 losses have come by a total of 10 points. They're knocking on the doorstep, but they just run into bad luck. Just examine these losses for a second.

November 15, 2008: Oshkosh 13, River Falls 12

The Falcons hold Oshkosh to 6 points the entire game and the Titans drive all the way to the one yard line. The Titans attempt to run for the game winning score, but the running back is stuffed at the line of scrimmage for 5 seconds. After this, the running back springs out and throws a ball into the end zone that is caught by the quarterback for the game winning score. All 5 offensive lineman are down field, but nothing is called.

September 5th, 2009: St. John's 28, River Falls 24

River Falls jumps out to a 17-0 lead in this game when RB Taylor Edwards runs down the far sideline and he's gone...that is until a St. John's defender makes a desperation tackle and gets Edwards by his shoelace. Instead of a 24-0 lead, the Falcons would wind up missing a field goal and St. John's would fight their way back for a 28-24 lead in the 4th. To make matters worse, on the last drive of the game QB Ryan Luessenhide drives the team down to the St. John's 31, until Michael Woodward commits a chop block away from the play negating a 4th down conversion. The Falcons fail on their second attempt, and St. John's escapes.

October 3rd: Stout 13, River Falls 12 (OT)

The Falcon kicking game fails the Falcons as Chad Blair misses a seemingly harmless extra point in the first quarter. With the game tied at 6, Blair has a chance to make a field goal to win. He pushes it to the right and the Falcons go to overtime. After a Stout touchdown, the Falcons decide to go for the win on the road. The Falcons run a naked bootleg to the right, where Ryan Luessenhide is killed at the 5. Game over.

October 10th: Oshkosh 31, River Falls 29

The Falcons try to convert a two point conversion to get the game to a manageable state in the 3rd quarter. Ryan Luessenhide tries to hit a wide open Joel Yogurst in the end zone, but the ball gets caught in the wind and falls to the turf. Missed tackles also hurt the Falcons, and a missed PAT by Chad Blair doesn't help as the Falcons fall again.

October 17th: La Crosse 49, River Falls 47 (3 OT)

Before the game winning play, La Crosse blocks two punts and returns them for touchdowns. River Falls dominates the game, but these blocked punts kill the Falcons again.

This isn't the team's fault or any former players fault, but if you think cheering for the Vikings is hard, watch a Falcon game. What's most frustrating is the lack of interest by the student body. In most students eyes, this is a team that doesn't capture the imagination of the campus. They're still wondering if the Falcons can get that elusive 4th win. Just looking at those losses, it's very possible that if a couple bounces go the Falcons way, they wind up 6-0 at this point in the season rather than 2-4. Heck, even 5-1 or 4-2 would be incredibly possible at this point! But, the Falcons have had some unlucky breaks.

So there you have it. I certainly believe that the Falcon football team is cursed. What will it take to solve this dilemma? Will the Falcons have to win that 4th game to take off? Or do the Falcons just need to bite the bullet and try something else? The Falcons are so close to relevancy they can taste it, but they need to get lady luck on their side again at some point. The question is when?

People That I Hate: The Entire New York Yankees Franchise

After the Twins choked yet again in another playoff series with the Yankees, it's time to express my anger. Unlike the first several times this happened, I have an actual forum to express my hatred. So here goes nothing. This is why I hate the New York Yankees. Not just the players, not just the ownership, not just their fans. I hate their entire franchise. I hate their past. I hate their present. I hate their future. I just plain love to hate them.

This is nothing new around baseball. Hating the Yankees is like hating the devil. It's almost protocol that if you can't beat them, you really, really hate them. There's so much to hate about the Yankees. Where do I begin.

Well, you can start with the obvious things. The fact they have more money is usually at the top of everyone's list, but it's much too cliche for what I'm saying. The Yankees are a "team" that is made up of 25 individuals. In other words, the Yankees do not recognize team accomplishments unless they wind up in a world championship. Look at the number of retired numbers for the Yankees. The Yankees have retired 17 numbers in their history, and I'm sure there are at least 2 (Derek Jeter and Joe Torre come to mind) more to come in the near future.

When other teams have great teams (such as the 1987 and 1991 Twins) fans usually remember the cast of characters on the team. In 1987, there was Juan Buerenger aka "Senor Smoke", there was "The Rat" Greg Gagne. In 1991, there was Dan Gladden who hit a grand slam in game 2. These are role players who's accomplishments to their respective teams are actually recognized. In New York, it's all about the superstars. It's about the Mickey Mantles, the Babe Ruths, the Alex Rodriguezes. Scott Brosious caught the final out in two of the Yankees 3 straight World Championships in the late 90's, but he never gets credit. It's all about Jeter's leadership, or Rivera slamming the door. Oh, and it's about Mariano Rivera, not John Wetteland, who showed Rivera the ropes before he came "The Hammer of God." Key contributors are nothing compared to the superstars. Derek Jeter could go 0 for 20 in a World Series and still be the reason they won "because of the intangibles he brings to the table."

These superstars go on to create overblown, massive opinions of themselves, such as Derek Jeter. Jeter is a great player, but he thinks he's better than he really is. Every time a routine ground ball is hit to Jeter, he has to run full blast towards third base, pick the ball up and throw against his body to get the runner by a couple steps, knowing full well that if he just stopped, planted, and threw a bullet to first base, he'd have him beat by a mile. Jeter even has his own shoe called the "6-4-3." Derek Jeter usually ranks towards the bottom of the major leagues when it comes to turning double plays. Think of it as if Nike made a shoe for Shaq called the "Free Throw 5000." It doesn't make sense, but people still buy it.

The current players are just not likeable human beings. CC Sabathia may be an exception, but other than that you have guys like Jeter, Mark Teixeria, and (the mother of them all) Alex Rodriguez. Rodriguez is the epitome of a New York Yankees player. He was raised by someone's farm system. He rose up a likeable teenager and was embraced by his city. Once he became too big, he left town for the money. Eventually, the team that paid him all of this money can't even afford him, so they trade him to the one team that can: The Yankees. Now he lives the large life. Hanging out with Madonna, Kate Hudson, and Jay-Z is a common occurence. Screw the old wife, time to get a new one! He goes tanning for 5 hours a day. When he lifts weights he spits water and screams "I'M SO INTO FITNESS!!!!" Finally, in his spare time, despite his God given talent, he shoots himself up with roids, lies about it, admits it, then is embraced by ESPN because he was "so honest" about his "experiment" with steroids. Why aren't Yankee players likeable?

Ownership has always been a hatred point for the Yankees. You have to ask why do we really hate them? Because they act like they're playing fantasy baseball. Signing free agents, making trades with the smaller market teams and giving them prospects from their garbage farm system in return. The ownership is not happy unless they win the World Series. If the Yankees don't reach this goal, they let everyone know about it. George Steinbrenner hasn't been seen for 2 years, but his brother, Hank, has been in the forefront ever since Steinbrenner dissapeared. I'm pretty sure that he tells his secretary to write everything he says down. I wonder what he's thinking right now...

"Write this down. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with chunky peanut butter suck. So do ones with grape jelly. I think that strawberry jelly is the way to go. Otherwise it's just bull@#$%! They have to cut the crusts off too. I can't take any of that @#$%!"

These memoirs usually become the top story on ESPN.com about 15 minutes later.

Maybe that's why we hate the ownership so much because they act like fans. Coincidentally, Yankee fans are probably the dumbest fans in all of professional sports. Like their owners, they expect to win the World Series every year. If you don't win the World Series, you're garbage. That's for those neighbors up in Boston to do. They love their players who most people can't stand. They all seem to dress the same too. White hoodie, Yankee t-shirt, blue jeans, gold chain, beer gut, and receding hairline. They all look like Joey Ragone from section 122.

That might sound like east coast profiling, but this happens all over the world. Yankee fans can't ever be wrong. They need to end their 8 year championship drought right now. (Which if that's a drought, should the Twins be jumping off buildings because of their 18 year championship drought? What should Cubs fans be doing???) I have one simple argument when it comes to the stupidity of Yankee fans: Billy Crystal.

Yes, Billy Crystal who gave us such great sports films as Forget Paris and My Giant is a true Yankees fan. He even gave the Yankees a tape before the 2009 season to get the club loose. At the end of the video, Crystal says to "Win one for Carl Pavano." (Pavano is the New York free agent horror story as he only made 27 starts during his 4 year stint with the Yankees which paid him 40 million dollars. Rumor has it that the Yankees have started to call the 15 day disabled list the "15 day Pavano" because of his frequent stays there.) Stay classy, Mr. Crystal, but you're just as big of an idiot as every other Yankee fan. How do I know this? Your favorite basketball team is the Los Angeles Clippers. I rest my case.

As much as some of us love to hate the Yankees, the national media and other bandwagon jumpers love them. It's America and we all have a choice, but there is no excuse for being a Yankees fan. It's like taking the easy way out. I will never understand how they feel a sense of accomplishment when they take the Ricky Bobby approach to life. (If you ain't first, you're last!) So, in closing, I'm finishing this post sitting right over what I think about the Yankees. (Hint: I'm sitting on a toilet. Bombs away!)

Why I Hate The NBA

It was 2004. The Minnesota Timberwolves were playing the Denver Nuggets at the Target Center. I was there. The crowd noise was deafening. The intensity was over the top. The Wolves had never won a playoff series before that night, but then they absolutely piss pounded the Nuggets to advance to the Western Conference Finals. It's a great sports memory from my childhood, but there's a very sad note attached to it. This would be the last game that I would attend and actually be into an NBA game.

Don't get me wrong, I've attended a couple Wolves games over the past couple of years. There was the game where the Wolves beat the Lakers and my hall got to have their picture taken on the court. Then, there was the game where I venomously cheered for the Miami Heat to beat the Wolves so that they could get a better draft pick and not draft J.J. Reddick. But, since that playoff game, I haven't been balls-to-the-walls at NBA games like I was when I was a kid. Why is this?

Well, for starters, America loves violence with their sports. The NBA has none. There's no animosity that you see in other sports. In football, it's a common occurrence for someone to badmouth the other team. As a matter of fact, some players do it every week. In hockey, a guy can literally fight another guy and he gets put on timeout for 5 minutes. In the NBA, a whole bunch of people go right up to each other...and fist bump, chest bump, take a picture with an air camera, and then hug. I want to see someone legitimately hate someone in the NBA, but everyone is way too friendly.

I also think that there are way too many games in the NBA schedule. You can use the MLB schedule as a counter argument, but since the Twins had to go to a 163rd game (for the chance to play the Yankees AND the umpires!) I'm going to say it's just right. There is no reason to watch a November NBA game, which leads me into my next reason.

Nobody cares until April. The players don't even care. Even right before the playoffs start in an incredibly intense game the players are still walking up and down the court, not moving around on offense, and just sticking their hand up for the basketball. This makes for an incredibly boring game.

Finally, the personalities in the NBA are not likable. You may counter with Dwight Howard and Dwayne Wade, but I counter with the biggest asshole in pro sports today: Kobe Bryant. Kobe comes into the game, hogs the ball, and hauls up 90 shots a game, which teaches our young basketball players great team attributes. NOT! This has even permeated down to the high school level where prep hotshots have decided to skip college basketball and play professionally in Europe for a year so they can get paid. Oh, and I forgot to mention that there is a prospect that is forgoing his junior year of high school to do this.

I'm incredibly jaded with the NBA, and maybe that's why I've developed a passion for college basketball over the NBA. It's much more intense, there's more strategy involved, and the players actually care about their games. This may be because about 90% of the players are playing their last game when they walk off the court as a senior. It's easier to root for athletes like that than it is for say, Kobe Bryant.

Game 2 Nightmare Stories

The Twins dropped a huge Game 1 to the New York Yankees last night. It's a huge shot to the gut of Twins fans, but in reality, there should be no alarm just yet. After all, the Twins have been counted dead in the water numerous times before, only to make many prognosticators, like myself, look like total idiots.

The key will be Game 2 of this best of five series. If the Twins can pull out a win in Game 2, the Twins will have done what every team hopes to do in this situation: gain home field advantage. If the Twins lose Game 2, the Twins are going to be on life support once again.

However, Game 2's haven't been so kind to the Twins. Allow me to take you back in time to look at important Game 2's in Franchise history.

October 7th, 1965: Game 2, World Series vs. Los Angeles Dodgers

Jim Kaat and Sandy Koufax duel at Metropolitan Stadium as the game remains scoreless into the 5th. A late error helps the Twins prevail as the Twins go on to win the game 5-1 and take a 2-0 lead in the clubs first World Series appearance. Alas, it wouldn't last as the Twins would lose the World Series in 7 games as Koufax would get his revenge and outduel Kaat in the final game.

October 5th, 1969: Minnesota Twins at Baltimore Orioles; Game 2 of ALCS

The first ever American League Championship Series was a rout, as the Twins would get swept. The Twins would look much like future generations of Twins players as they would get shut out 1-0 in Game 2 on a three-hit shutout by Dave McNally. Baltimore would crush the Twins 11-2 to capture the pennant.

October 8th, 1987: Detroit Tigers at Minnesota Twins; Game 2 of ALCS

Before the Twins crushed the hearts of Tiger fans everywhere, they took care of business in 1987. The Tigers would be heavy favorites in this series, but they ran into a buzzsaw by the name of Bert Blyleven. In the game, the Twins would respond from an early 2-0 defecit thanks to back to back doubles by Gary Gaetti and Tom Brunansky. Greg Gagne would walk and Tim Laudner would drive Gagne in to take a 3-2 lead that they would not relinquish. The Twins would go on to win the pennant in 5 games, and we all know what happened after that!

October 18th, 1987: St. Louis Cardinals at Minnesota Twins; Game 2 of World Series

Bert Blyleven would take the hill once again, and he wouldn't dissapoint. The Twins offense wasn't disapointing either as the Twins would jump out to a 7-0 lead. The game was over before the Cardinals even got into it. The Twins would go on and win the World Series in 7 games.

October 9th, 1991: Toronto Blue Jays at Minnesota Twins; Game 2 of ALCS

The Blue Jays defeat the Twins 5-2 behind Devon White and Roberto Alomar. This would be the only win for the Jays during the series and the Twins would go to the World Series.

October 20th, 1991: Atlanta Braves at Minnesota Twins; Game 2 of World Series

Nothing special here, the Twins pick up a 3-2 victory and take a 2-0 lead in the World Series. The Twins would lose the next three games and then Kirby Puckett and Jack Morris would put the team on their back for their second World Series championship.

October 2nd, 2002: Minnesota Twins at Oakland Athletics; Game 2 of ALDS

Joe Mays gets his ass kicked. Need anything else? Oakland wins the game 9-2, but loses the series in 5 games.

October 9th, 2002: Anaheim Angels at Minnesota Twins; Game 2 of ALCS

It seemed like the Twins were headed to the World Series, until the Angels jumped out to a 6-0 lead in game 2. The Twins would claw their way back, but it was too much. The Angels took control of the series with a 6-3 win, and would win the series in 5 games.

October 2nd, 2003: Minnesota Twins at New York Yankees; Game 2 of ALDS

Andy Pettite and the Yankees shut down the Twins as they win the game 4-1. The Yankees would win the series in 4 games.

October 6th, 2004: Minnesota Twins at New York Yankees; Game 2 of ALDS

One of the most horrific losses in Minnesota Twins history. The Twins, already up 1-0 in the series, take the lead on a Torii Hunter home run in the 12th inning. Joe Nathan was out for the previous two innings, and Ron Gardenhire decided to push him for a third. Wrong move. The Yankees would win the game with 2 runs in the bottom of the inning, and the series two games later.

October 4th, 2006: Oakland Athletics at Minnesota Twins; Game 2 of ALDS

Torii Hunter sees a ball dying in front of him. Torii goes for it. He missed. The ball rolls all the way to the wall, as does the hopes of winning the series. Mark Kotsay would get an inside the park home run on that play. The A's would win that game 5-2 en route to sweeping the Twins.

That brings us to this year. Yeah, that got a little lengthy, but some things to consider...

- The Twins are 4-7 all time in Game 2 (Postseason play)

- The Twins have lost their past 5 Game 2's

- The Twins have never won a Game 2 on the road. (0-4)

So, it appears the cards are stacked against our cute, cuddly Minnesota Twins. But that's why they play the games. Here's a look at Friday's matchup...

Minnesota Twins at New York Yankees

A.J. Burnett (13-9, 4.04 ERA; 2-1 [6 starts], 3.72 ERA vs. MIN in career [1 CG]) vs.

Nick Blackburn (11-11, 4.03 ERA; 0-1 [4 starts], 5.89 ERA vs. NYY in career)

Crishad's MLB Awards

The regular season ended yesterday, so here are my awards for the 2009 MLB Season. If only I had a vote...

MVP

American League: Joe Mauer, Catcher, Minnesota Twins

Joe Mauer leads the league in everything right now. Average, OPS, Slugging percentage, homeless people helped out on the street, Jesus powers used during a baseball game. EVERYTHING. He didn't lead the league in home runs, but Joe Mauer had his best season as a pro. Consider that his one knock before the season was that he had no power. You want power? 28 home runs later, Joe Mauer has become a complete player and possibly the best player in baseball. To get the offensive production that Mauer gives behind the plate is certifiably insane. Anyone who doesn't vote for Joe for MVP should have their head examined on the spot (and then they can flash their ESPN badge).

National League: Albert Pujols, First Baseman, St. Louis Cardinals

Pujols didn't have much help the majority of the season, and he was still able to crank 50 bombs. This man rivals Mr. Mauer as the best player in baseball. His defense is just as good as his offense, and he's able to pull a Kirby Puckett in terms of telling his team to get on his back and let him carry him to a title. Pujols is starting to become our generations Barry Bonds minus the steroids. I like the commercial in which they talk about our grandparents talking about Joe DiMaggio, and our dad talking about Hank Aaron. Then they mention about how we'll tell our kids about Albert Pujols. I think they're on to something there.

Cy Young

American League: Zack Grienke, Kansas City Royals

Looking at his path before this season is enough to give this guy the award, but he was pretty damn good on the mound. Royals fans have wanted Grienke to let loose for years and this is the year he finally did it. Think of how bad the Royals were, and then consider that Grienke still won 16 games for them. That's pretty good. Felix Hernandez and CC Sabathia were awesome this year as well, but you have to give the award to Grienke here.

National League: Chris Carpenter, St. Louis Cardinals

Chris Carpenter was supposed to be done. So much for those experts. Carpenter racked up 17 wins for the division winning Cardinals. I have to give it to him over Dan Haren and Tim Lincecum.

Manager of the Year

American League: Mike Soscia, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim

One of your young prospects dies, shaking up your entire team. The rest of the pitching staff is plagued by injuries and ineffectiveness the majority of the year and you still make the playoffs? Hats of to Soscia for this job!

National League: Jim Tracy, Colorado Rockies

The Rox were left for dead in May, and then they caught fire ala the 2006 Twins after they fired manager Clint Hurdle. The Rockies could find themselves in the NLCS by the end of the month, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Playoff Prognostications

It's that time of the year. After the Minnesota Twins defeated the Detroit Tigers in 12 innings last night, the playoff field of baseball is finally set. Hey, on an unrelated note, did you notice that all the MLB Playoff commercials all have the Tigers in there? Weird. They aren't even in the playoffs now. Anyways, this is what will happen in October.

AMERICAN LEAGUE

ALDS

Yankees over Twins in 4 games

I'm going to give the Twins a game here because that's what they usually do. They'll steal one of the games either at Yankee Stadium or the Metrodome and make the series seem closer than it really is. However, the Eastern Sports Propaganda Network would have you believe that this is going to be a rout. As Lee Corso says, not so fast my friend. The Twins have a shot in this series because of several things. First, the Yankees are loaded with players who don't usually produce in October. CC Sabbathia didn't do well with the Indians in 2007 or the Brewers in 2008 (many would contest that with the fact that Sabbathia was on three days rest, but he had been pitching on three days rest for the past month). There's Mark Teixeria who also isn't great in October. Then there's the king, Mr. August, Alex Rodriguez. It's been rumored that A-Rod got girlfriend Kate Hudson pregnant earlier this month. This is his first example of producing in baseball's most crucial month.

The second point is A.J. Burnett's fued with Jorge Posada. Joe Girardi has already given into Burnett and has elected to go with Jose Molina behind the plate for Burnett's starts instead of Posada. Burnett opponent batting average is 60 points lower with Molina behind the plate than it is with Posada. The problem here isn't the pitching, but the offense that the Yankees trade off in this exchange. The Yankees still have 8 other guys hitting in a sandbox in the bronx but this might make a difference.

However, when it's all said and done, you can expect to see CC wolfing a triple cheeseburger in celebration after game 4 of the series.

Angels over Red Sox in 5 games

The Angels have home field advantage here, but that doesn't seem like much in this case. The Sox have crushed the Angels in previous playoff meetings, but the Sox aren't what they used to be. Neither are the Angels. The Angels have transformed into an American League team over the past couple of season, acquiring 4 outfielders that can rake. This will exploit Boston's suspect rotation and the Angels will advance.

ALCS

Angels over Yankees in 6 games

The Angels have a lot of things going for them. Their storyline with Nick Adenhardt, their offense, etc. The Yankees will have the home field advantage, but I really like the Angels pitching. The Angels seem like a team of destiny.

NATIONAL LEAGUE

NLDS

Rockies over Phillies in 5 games

This will be the best series in the first round. Jorge De La Rosa is out for the first round of the playoffs with a groin injury and Colorado's pitching is a little bit suspect. However, the reason I'm picking Colorado is because of the Phillies bullpen. What a difference a year makes. A year ago, Brad Lidge was lights out. This year, the lights are on and the horn is blaring. The Phillies have replaced Lidge with Ryan Madson, who's adaquate, but he's also very erratic in the closer role. This will cost the Phillies at some point in the playoffs. You need to have a guy in the playoffs that can slam the door on the other team (see Mariano River, Huston Street, and Joe Nathan).

Cardinals over Dodgers in 4 games

My apologies to Kyle Mills, but I was very close to calling this series a sweep. Why? Starting pitching. The Cardinals will start Chris Carpenter and Adam Wainright. Btw, they have 34 combined wins between them. Opposing those two in the first two games will be Randy Wolf and Clayton Kershaw. I like Kershaw a lot, but the Dodgers don't want a Rick Ankiel situation to break out (How ironic?). Kershaw might throw 100 pitches in 4 innings because he's a strikeout pitcher, which stretches out an already fatigued bullpen. Add in Albert Pujols's supporting cast (Mark DeRosa and Matt Holliday) compared to Manny Ramirez's (Matt Kemp and Orlando Hudson) and this series looks like a no brainer.

NLCS

Cardinals over Rockies in 4 games

You want a sweep? Here's your sweep. The Cardinals are way too much for the Rox and the Rox can't hit outside of Denver. St. Louis would have the homefield advantage, and if the Dodgers series ends quickly, they could use Wainwright and Carpenter 3 to 4 times.

WORLD SERIES

Cardinals over Angels in 6 games

This would be a very entertaining series, but the Cards win again because of their pitching. I like the Angels a lot, but I don't think they can overcome the one man wrecking crew known as Albert Pujols.

So there you have it, don't put money down on the Cardinals to win the World Series.

Miracle At The Metrodome

"By the time this weekend is over, you'll wish you were a Wisconsinite because of how badly you've been beaten." -Student Voice Sports Editor Renee Thony

Ms. Thony may have had a point. According to recent Minnesota sports history, she may have been right. After all, the Vikings have 0 Super Bowl rings compared to the Packers 3. The Twins had four division titles since 2002, but in the same situation last season, the Twins fell 1-0 to the Chicago White Sox. So could the Minnesota teams prove their worth over the past two days?

Well, Brett Favre helped one team fufill their potential, as the Vikings stomped the Packers 30-22. Let's not just give Mr. Favre credit here though, with his three touchdown passes against Ted Thomp...I mean the Packers. There was The Mullet as well. Jared Allen put Aaron Rodgers on his back more than a Las Vegas prostitute on Monday night with his 4.5 sacks. A very exciting game, but nothing compared to round 2.

Game 163: A steel cage match at the Metrodome. Joe Mauer tries to bust out the Mauernator on Drunky...I mean Miguel Cabrera. At first, it appeared like Drunky was going to put his team on his back and lead the Tigers into the playoffs. Then came Orlando Cabrera. The same guy who I cursed uncontrollably when the Twins acquired him, may have put the Twins into the playoffs. Then came a bomb from Magglio Ordonez, and Ms. Thony started appearing on my shoulder again.

From this point on, the Twins and Tigers proceeded in their attempt to give me a massive heart attack. The top of the 10th inning produced an RBI double by my 2nd most hated Tiger, Brandon Inge (his name should seriously be pronounced ING). It seemed like my Twins were done for once again. Then came Michael Cuddyer. Cuddyer launched a lazy fly ball into left center. Ryan Raburn went to dive for the baseball and the ball bounced over his glove and went all the way to the wall. Cuddyer chugged his way around the bases and suddenly the tying run was at third. After a chopper by Delmon Young got the the first out of the inning, Matt Tolbert found himself up after an intentional walk. Tolbert "battled his tail off" and bounced one through the middle of the field. Honestly, I went from rock bottom to sky high in the course of three seconds!

The game continued to bounce back and forth. We survived Joe time. We survived Jesse Crain. We survived Bobby Keppel. Finally, Carlos Gomez lead off the 12th with a single. Michael Cuddyer would get Gomez to second and Delmon Young was intentionally walked. Then came Alexi Casilla, who was gunned down from left in the 10th. A year ago, Casilla provided the trademark moment of the 2008 season when he beat the White Sox in the 11th inning. This time around, Casilla, who has struggled all season long, planted a single to right and the speedy Carlos Gomez would score the winning run.

With that, the Twins erased the stigma that they can't win the big game. The win cements the Twins as one of the teams of the decade, as they win their 5th division title in the 2000's. Sometimes, these things can be taken for granted. The Twins continue to be fun to watch (unlike some asshole on a blog once said) and competitive. Now they'll face "goliath" as in the New York Yankees. The Twins will try and take them down starting Wednesday night, but if they're unable to do so. It was one hell of a ride.