The State Of Monkey Crap

The Minnesota department of tourism has released a new video that is designed to lure athletes to Minnesota. I don't have the actual video, but here's the transcript of it.

[The ad starts on a football field. Little Timmy just got his butt whooped by the bigger, stronger teammates and sits down on a bench.]

Announcer: What's the matter, Timmy?
Timmy: I'm no good at sports. I try really hard, but I can't beat anybody.
Announcer: Have you ever thought of coming to Minnesota?
Timmy: Minnesota? Gee whiz, I can't say I have!
Announcer: Well you're in luck. In Minnesota, nobody can play sports worth a lick. The state hasn't seen a championship in anything since 1991. The secret is that even if they do win a championship on a smaller level, they stop playing and get nervous, allowing you to dominate.

[Cuts to Timmy in Minnesota, plowing over Joe Mauer, sacking Brett Favre, dunking on Kevin Love, and whooping Mikko Koivu's ass in a hockey fight.]
Timmy: WOW! You were right, these guys are going to be great for my career.
[Timmy winks at the camera and it fades to black.]

Yes, even you and I could dominate a Minnesota sports team right now, professional or collegiate. It doesn't matter. The state's sports scene is officially in chaos. Want me to prove it? Take a look for yourself.

Minnesota Twins - The Twins won the American League Central championship and then promptly shut it down for a week and a half. When the Twins turned the on switch again, they were proved to be a cute little baseball team. I still can't talk about this team without dropping a F-Bomb. Some day I will and I'll post a season wrap-up column. Not today.

Minnesota Wild - People still love this team because it's the "State of Hockey." It doesn't matter if the Wild are 20 games under the even mark, the drones will continue to go to the Xcel Energy Center. The minor league affiliates are bare, and there are no playmakers at the parent club. Things don't look good.

Minnesota Timberwolves - They're on the up, but at this point they're still bad. I don't know what to say about them. The coach is feuding with the best player and keeping him on the bench in key situations. Not to mention they may wind up getting royally screwed with the Ricky Rubio situation.

Minnesota Golden Gopher Football - Only evidence I need.

Minnesota Vikings - The team is run by a moron and a diva. They go for it on fourth down at really bad times which cost them the game AND despite the fact the team is loaded at most positions, they still underachieve at 2-5.

The state is reaching historical levels of craptacularness. When you think about it there could be three (!!!) coaching changes this season.

It's like my childhood hero The Rock once said:

"It looks like a big monkey walked down this ramp and out popped [insert Minnesota sports team here]."

Top 10 Moments in Vikings History

Before we start, I would like to give a shoutout to my good friend in Alaska, Ms. Renee Thony. Renee gave me the idea of this post after replying to a status on Facebook about Al Harris getting burned by Randy Moss, but yet destroying Adrian Peterson's knee. My response was about to compare the two by saying that Moss mooning the Packers was a top 5 moment in Vikings history, but Harris injuring Peterson was relatively irrelevant. (A consequence of not winning a Super Bowl.)

So, that got me to thinking. This is the 50th season of Vikings football. So now would be a perfect time to list my top 10 Viking moments in the history of the franchise. This could get interesting.

The moments listed are a mix of good and bad, happy and sad. (Just like a Mother Goose rhyme.) It took a while for me to think about it, but here are the 10 I thought of. To add suspense, I listed these from 10 to 1.

10. Vikings defeat Bears For First Win In Franchise History in 1961
There aren't a lot of old memories on this list because, well, I was born in 1986. However, this has to be put on the list for the simple fact that it was a huge upset. The Bears were one of the charter franchises of the NFL and they went to Metropolitan Stadium (aka The Old Met) and got rolled 37-13. Remember, the Vikings were an expansion team playing their first game on September 17, 1961. Probably only the Houston Texans beating the Dallas Cowboys rivals on the same magnitude that a franchise got their first victory.

9. Randy Moss Falls To The Vikings/Randy Moss Returns To The Vikings
Moss was a troublemaker heading into the 1998 NFL Draft. After getting kicked out of Florida State, Moss thrived with Chad Pennington at Marshall and was projected as a top 10 pick. However, teams had marked Moss down because of his character. The Dallas Cowboys had promised they would take Moss at 8, but that didn't happen. As we all know Moss fell all the way to the Vikings at 21 and the rest is history. Moss sparked the fan base, scoring 90 touchdowns and then was traded to the Oakland Raiders...

But Moss returned from his exile this season, a moment that Viking fans had always joked about, but never thought it was a real possibility. The return of Moss has once again raised expectations for the team, and only time will tell of Moss will go down as hero or goat in a Viking uniform.

8. The Hail Mary
Many people say that the Vikings had their best team in 1975. We all know that the Vikings went to four Super Bowls in the 70's, but it was almost five. The Vikings lead the Dallas Cowboys late in the Divisional Round game at The Old Met. After the Cowboys had driven all the way to midfield, they took a shot at the end zone. The play that ensued would include THREE holding penalties that weren't called by the referees and, depending on what team you cheer for, an offensive pass interference penalty by Drew Pearson (also not called) for the game winning touchdown.

The backlash was legendary. At the stadium, fans were livid and one went as far to hucking a Windsor bottle onto the field, and decking an official in the back of the head. Oh, this bottle was thrown from the UPPER DECK. This probably goes down as one of the greatest throws in Vikings history.

In the bizzare file, Viking QB Fran Tarkenton learned after the game that his father had died during the game due to a massive heart attack. Can't make that stuff up.

7. Korey Stringer Dies In Training Camp
This changed the way that most teams run their training camps. The Vikings had run another typical training camp practice in Mankato, MN and Korey Stringer was having trouble getting through it.

The temperature that day rivaled 100 degrees, and Stringer was seen vomiting on the sideline. Most coaches and players simply thought that Stringer was out of shape. They guessed wrong. Stringer was suffering from heat exhaustion and died after his core temperature was upwards of 110 degrees at one point.

Since then, training camps have toned down and when the weather gets that hot, teams are required to allow players to take water breaks. Stringer, who was one of the up-and-coming offensive lineman in the NFL, had his number 77 retired by the Vikings.

6. "This Isn't Detroit, Man!"
The Minnesota Vikings were on a magical season in 2009. Brett Favre had given the Vikings more than they thought he could, throwing 33 touchdowns and 7 interceptions during the regular season. The Vikings went to New Orleans for the NFC Championship game, and dominated the entire game...with the exception of the scoreboard.

The Vikings fumbled the ball 5 times in the game, and the Saints capitalized on nearly all of them. Despite all of this, the Vikings were driving late in the game to punch their ticket to the Super Bowl. At the 33 yard line, after a timeout, the Vikings were flagged for 12 men in the huddle. The next play, Favre rolled to his right and fired a pass right into Randall Gay's chest. The Saints would go on to win the Super Bowl.

5. "OH MY HEAVENS!!!"
The Vikings trailed the San Francisco 49ers with 13 seconds to go in the third game of the year in 2009. In previous years, the Vikings would have to lean on the likes of Tarvaris Jackson in hopes of leading them back, but this was the third game for Brett Favre in a Vikings uniform.

Favre, in a scary case of foreshadowing, rolled to his right and looked towards the end zone. After avoiding a sack, Favre simply threw the ball as hard as he could at Greg Lewis. Lewis made the catch, keeping both feet in bounds, for the game winning touchdown with 2 seconds left. This play would jumpstart the 2009 season, in which they would go 12-4 and lose to the Saints in the NFC Championship game.

4. Arizona Knocks The Vikings Out Of The Playoffs
In 2003, the Vikings started 6-0 and were the talk of the lead. However, the Vikings had since nosedived into a 9-6 record and needed a win against woeful Arizona. Even with a loss, if the Green Bay Packers had been defeated by the Denver Broncos at Lambeau Field, the Vikings would make the playoffs.

Well, the Broncos didn't do their part. They were getting throttled by the Packers, so the Vikings would have to do it themselves. The Vikings held a late lead and with :04 left (on 4th and 26), Cardinals QB Josh McCown threw a prayer towards the corner of the end zone. Nathan Poole made the catch, but only got one foot in bounds. However, the officials ruled that he was pushed out by E.J. Henderson and ruled a touchdown. The Vikings became the first team in the history of the NFL to start a season 6-0 and not make the playoffs.

3. Gary Anderson Chokes
The 1998 season was too good to be true. The Vikings looked unstoppable as they raged to a 15-1 record and home field advantage in the 1998 NFC Championship game. All that was standing in their way were the 14-2 Atlanta Falcons.

The Vikings held a 7 point lead in the game when Gary Anderson, who had not missed a place kick all year (the first kicker in NFL history to do so) missed a chip shot field goal which would have buried the Falcons.

Instead, the Falcons drove down the field, tied the game, and ultimately won in overtime. Many Viking fans still believe that this was the Vikings best chance to win a Super Bowl.

2. Randy Moss Moons Lambeau Field
The Vikings lost the two regular season meetings against the Packers in 2004. In the first game, Derek Ross recovered an onside kick for the Vikings, but it was ruled by the officials that he never had possession of the ball despite clear replays that Ross had indeed obtained the football. The Vikings lost by 3.

The second game was a Christmas Eve brawl which turned out to be the NFC North Championship Game. Late in the 2nd quarter, the Packers were driving. Donald Driver made a catch right at the sticks and got an obvious first down. Yet, the officials stopped the clock for a measurement. This was convienient for the Packers, as they were out of timeouts. The Packers got the field goal unit on the field (which was not possible had the clock not stopped) and Ryan Longwell kicked a field goal to get the Packers within 7 at halftime. The Packers would come back and win by 3.

The Vikings would back into the playoffs at 8-8 and face the 10-6 Packers in a NFC Wild Card playoff game. The Vikings came out with battle afros and took a 24-17 lead late in the game. Daunte Culpepper rolled to his right and fired a deep ball to Randy Moss. Moss made the catch to put the Vikings ahead 31-17, but he wasn't done there. Moss strolled over to the field goal post and pretended to moon the crowd at Lambeau.

This incident set off many quotes that ring true in Vikings history...

"Daunte takes the snap, rolls out to right...Moss! Wide open! HE BURNED AL HARRIS!!! TOUCHDOWWWWWN!!! THAT'S A COLD BLOODED CONNECTION" - Paul Allen

"That's a disgusting act by Randy Moss." - Joe "The Worst Broadcaster In Sports" Buck

And of course...
Reporter: Write the check yet Randy?
Moss: When you're rich, you don't write checks.
Reporter: How do you pay, man?
Moss: Huh?
Reporter: If you don't write checks how do you pay these guys?
Moss: Straight cash homie.

Later, Moss explains that the fine "ain't nothing but ten grand" and the next time he'd "shake his @#$% at them". I guess we'll find out Sunday?

Moss was traded to Oakland the following offseason.

1. Brett Favre Comes To Minnesota
The ultimate example of hell freezing over in sports: Brett Favre, the Viking. Even from my side, it was one of those "No chance in hell" scenarios. I didn't want him, he was Brett Favre. The man who ruined most of my hopes and dreams over and over again.

I hated how the announcers talked about him like a God. I hated how he would run around like a kid after EVERY touchdown. I hated how it was never just Brett or Favre...he had to be referenced by both names to make sense. Hell, I boycotted Wrangler jeans!!!

But, after thinking...and thinking...and thinking about it, Favre officially became a Viking on August 18, 2009. Hell had indeed frozen over.

News choppers were following the motorcade that brought Favre to Winter Park like it was the O.J. Simpson police chase all over again. People lined the streets of the Viking practice facility to welcome Favre. And thousands of Viking fans rushed into their nearest sporting goods outlet to get their purple #4 jerseys.

All this time, it was almost a giant slap in the...no piss in the...no, shit on the chest of Packer fans, who worshiped him for the 18 seasons he played for the Packers. If there was a Favre statue, it would have been torn down Saddam style.

The one move turned an entire fan base into entire hypocrites. But that day, nobody cared. No matter how against it they were (I personally was against it at first), they knew what Favre could do. It turned Favre from villain to hero in Minnesota and from hero to anti-Christ in Green Bay.

My Jealousy Towards The Wisconsin Badgers Football Program

First, before I write anything. I would like you, the readers, to know that, I have had a full night of drinking under my belt. Second, I would never...EVER switch side and become a Wisconsin Badger fan for whatever reason.

However, the iron is obviously hot on that side of the border, and the Badgers have some things going for them over our furry rodents on the west side of the Mississippi.

Where do I begin with this? Well, take a look at the coaches of the two programs. A lot was made over Bret Bielema's two point conversion attempt against the Gophers while up by 25 points late in the 4th quarter. Gopher coach Tim Brewster took exception to the attempt, which the Badgers didn't convert, and was about to put Bielema in a headlock at the 50 yard line.

Yes, it was probably wrong for Bielema to go for two in that situation. However, Brester's actions also rang true to the actions of a coach trying to keep his job. Note that every player on the Gopher sideline was in favor of what Brewster did. However, isn't it the players job to make sure they aren't in that situation? Just a thought.

While Brewster has floundered since his 7-1 start in 2008, the Gophers have free falled while the Badgers, who I once thought were riding on Barry Alverez's credentials, have continued to produce a solid, efficient program.

I once had an argument with a friend of mine that Bielema wasn't a great coach. Before tonight, he was not. The Badgers were always able to defeat the Austin Peays of the world, but never the traditional powers like Ohio State. I was proved wrong tonight.

You also have to look at the traditions at Wisconsin compared to the ones at Minnesota. The Badgers have many things. They have Jump Around at the end of the 3rd quarter. They have many great players in ALL sports. They can recruit guys at Florida. Finally, they have an amazing stadium.

Yeah, the Gophers built TCF Bank Stadium to compete with the Badgers and other Big Ten teams, but how magical and hostile is it? The fans of the Gophers don't show up until midway through the second quarter, if at all, and all they really have is Goldy Gopher spinning his head around and "That's another Golden Gopher...FIRST DOWN!" Hooray. Even the Gopher broadcaster, Dave Lee, makes me want to stick a power drill into my ears. It's that bad.

The Badgers have actually exceeded expectations in all sports as well. The Badgers defeated Ohio State, who was the #1 team in the nation. The Gophers haven't had a win like that since the early 2000's, when they beat #2 Penn State on a last second field goal. Things are not well in Dinkytown.

The Badgers have also been able to raid talent across the country. Yes, there's David Gilreath, the speedster from Minneapolis that Brewster couldn't convince to stay at home. However, the Badgers can also go down to Florida and convince someone that a cold Wisconsin winter is worth the price of playing for the Badgers.

The Gophers can't get their own guys to stay in the cold. Michael Floyd went to Notre Dame. Seantrel Henderson went to Miami. The guy they did get, Sam Maresh, had a string of bad luck and stupid decisions.

Seeing the sea of red gradually pour out onto the field, I felt saddened by knowing that my Gophers will never have anything close to that in the near future.

I guess if you can't beat them, j...OH HELL NO!!! NEVER!!!!

Can The Twins Come Back?

"It ain't over until it's over." - Yogi Berra

The Minnesota Twins have one foot in the grave. After two more gut-wrenching playoff losses to the Yankees, the Twins find themselves in a 0-2 hole going into Saturday night's game 3 in New York.

Odds are it's over. The Twins have now lost 11 straight playoff games. That streak is tied for the second longest streak in the history of baseball. They've lost 7 straight against the Yankees in the playoffs. Ron Gardenhire's record against the Yankees is now 18-56.

However, if my countless hours of watching professional wrestling, the Yankees could still make one cardinal sin Saturday night. They could let the Twins keep breathing.

In sports, when you have a team down, you need to step on their neck. As Greg Coleman says, you need to "kill a mesquito with an ax." Considering the Twins are from Minnesota, mesquito definitely seems to be an appropriate word, but they haven't been able to bother the Yankees enough to create a win.

It's going to be tough, no doubt. This isn't the time to "battle your tail off", it's the time to close your eyes and start swinging. (OK, that's bad strategy in baseball, but I digress.) The odds are against them, but how can the Twins come back?

First, Joe Mauer needs to show up. Mauer is currently hitting 2 for 9 in the series. In 39 postseason at-bats, Joe Mauer has one RBI. Danny Valencia already has more playoff RBI than Joe Mauer. This is not acceptable.

Mauer signed the mega contract this spring in hopes that he would get a ton of hits and show some leadership. So far he has done nothing but ball up in the fetal position and get meaningless hits (like the one last night in the bottom of the 9th, down three runs). He's left that job to Carl Pavano, Jim Thome, and Orlando Hudson. He's given the job of starting rallies to Delmon Young and the flat footed Jim Thome.

Mauer needs to come out of his shadow now if a Twins comeback is possible.

Second, the Twins need to score some runs in homer happy Yankee stadium. The Twins will throw out Brian Duensing on Saturday night, and if Duensing can continue his road success in 2010, the Twins will have a chance. However the Twins most valuable weapon has been the bases loaded walk.

The Twins are a lineup built on power, and the short porches in Yankee Stadium are better than the high walls in Target Field. That means that Jim Thome, Joe Mauer, Delmon Young, and all the other slumping Twins are a little excited.

Third, if the Twins are more able to hit home runs, so are the Yankees. So Brian Duensing needs to pitch well. If the Yankees treat him like the human tee, this series will be over by 8:30 Saturday night (Game starts at 7:37 CST).

Duensing has been very good for the Twins, so if he can continue his success, it will mean good things for the Twins.

Then, the Twins need to win game 3. Captain Obvious just came through, but here's the thing. A win means that there WILL be a Game 4. Game 4 would mean Nick Blackburn vs. CC Sabathia...on three days rest.

Yes, CC is a pitching machine in this situation, just ask the Milwaukee Brewers in 2008 when he started routinely en route to giving the Brewers their first playoff berth since 1982. However, the Twins got to CC in Game 1. The stats don't look like it, but remember that the Twins were tied with the Yankees 4-4 when CC left the game. Then came the Crainwreck.

Which brings me to my next point. The Twins have to believe that they can beat the Yankees. No more of this ghosts flying around and keeping balls fair. No more blaming the umpires every time a strike is called a ball. The Twins have to step up against the Yankees and for once say ENOUGH!

On Tuesday night, I watched a documentary about the 2004 Boston Red Sox. They were down 0-3 to the New York Yankees, and of course they had that curse. They scrapped together a win in Games 4 and 5, got the bloody sock in Game 6, and exorcised the ghosts of Yankee Stadium.

For any of that to happen the Twins have to win Saturday night. If they can do that, the pressure falls back on the Yankees to finish the Twins off without returning to Target Field for Game 5. And if the Twins pull that off, we could be in for an interesting finish.

But do I think it will happen? Of course not, but I dare to dream.

WHAT???

So before I get into anything, allow me to give you a history lesson on the world of professional wrestling.

Recently, Kane turned on his brother the Undertaker...again. Apparently, he said something about how he had this 12 year plan to overtake the Undertaker...and well, he beat him up and the Undertaker wasn't feeling well. They fought at a pay-per-view and the Undertaker looked sluggish and people thought he was done.

Then a couple weeks ago, Kane started ranting how he had destroyed the Undertaker when a casket came to the ring. Kane opened the casket to find his father, Paul Bearer (Yes, that's actually his name.) Paul Bearer had the magical urn that "controls the Undertaker." The lights went out and the Undertaker magically showed up in the ring and looked back to his old form. Kane was in trouble (until Paul Bearer turned on the Undertaker during their second encounter, but that's irrelevant right now).

Let's go to the NFL. Brett Favre has struggled in his second season with the Vikings. He has 2 touchdowns and 5 interceptions through 3 games. The receiving corps is in shambles with the injury of Sidney Rice and the craptacularness of Benard Berrian. Overall, the Vikings are 1-2.

On the other side of the border, the Packers looked unstoppable. Burning down villages and beating their football team and having sex with their women. All the offensive lineman carried Aaron Rodgers on one of those Egyptian-man-powered-gurney things. As a matter of fact Rodgers stood in front of the John Deere Cult and screamed "YOU BOW TO ME NOW!" (OK, I made that last part up.)

Then, came the most important tweet in Minnesota sports history. Bill Simmons, the master blogger of Boston sports, tweeted that the New England Patriots were in talks to send Randy Moss back to the Minnesota Vikings. Unfortunately, the tweet was supposed to be a direct message. Whoops.

Boston and Minneapolis media started chasing leads, and low and behold it was true. Randy Moss, who was probably the greatest receiver in the history of the Vikings, was returning to the place where he dominated from 1998 to 2004.

Upon talking to Brad Childress, Moss stated between Chilly's doldrums "Coach, I'm just happy to be home." How cool is that?

Well, there are a couple of different ways to go about this, so we'll look at three different perspectives.

NEW ENGLAND
I've been confused as to why Moss hasn't been involved in the Patriots offense more over the past couple of seasons. I was alerted to this last season, when I pulled my hair out while owning Moss in a fantasy football league. My arch nemesis? Wes Welker.

Routinely, Moss would record a couple of catches while Welker recorded 10-15 with 100 yards and a touchdown. What happened to the Tom Brady-Randy Moss connection from 2006, where Moss set a NFL record with 23 touchdowns in a single season? Is Tom Brady afraid to throw the ball down the field after he tore his ACL in 2007? Quite possible?

Or did Moss fall out of favor with the iron fist coaching staff in New England. It was reported that Moss got into a fight with the quarterbacks coach at halftime of Monday night's game vs. Miami. Hmmm...

So why did New England give Moss up? Do they know something that the Vikings don't? Or did Brady tire of Moss' antics? We'll never know. But what we have to ask is what is the Patriot offense going to do without Moss.

Defense is no longer the strength of that team, and getting rid of Moss means more attention to Wes Welker. With no efficient running game to fall back on, it's a curious move to put your offense into the hands of Julian Edelman and Danny Woodhead.

GREEN BAY
Packer fans entertain me.

I was checking out my Facebook news feed the other day when I stumbled across a status that said how sick a Packer fan was of all the Randy Moss status updates, profile pic changes, etc. This was followed by 21 comments of Packer fans saying "Hell Yeah", "Right On", and "I love you". Packer fans are no doubt passionate. Wait, I think I hear them right now.

I understand you're angry, the Vikings got one of the greatest receivers of all time, but don't act like you didn't have an opportunity to make things better.

First, prior to the 2007 season, the Packers had an opportunity to get Moss from the Oakland Raiders. Moss had a couple of bad seasons by the bay, and the Raiders were simply trying to get rid of him for a ham sandwich and a bag of potato chips. Brett Favre was the quarterback of the Packers at the time, and he demanded that the Packers get Moss so that he had a legitimate #1 target to throw to. Ted Thompson didn't listen, and that might have been the first seed that has Favre playing for the Vikings right now.

We all know what Moss did with the Patriots, but they only gave up a fourth round pick to get Moss. Yes, Randy Moss and 23 touchdowns added to your offense for a fourth round pick. Not a bad trade, but the Packers decided to build for the future.

It's not like they had a bad year, they were upset by the New York Giants in the NFC Championship game, but what if Moss had played for the Packers? Would Favre had won the Super Bowl that year and would there be a bronze statue outside of Lambeau already? I would bet yes, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

The Packers couldn't even make a low level trade to benefit their team right now. Marshawn Lynch was being shopped by the Buffalo Bills and the Packers again said no. Apparently they love three yard runs by Brandon Jackson and John Kuhn. (Ryan Grant, the normal Packers #1 back, is out for the season with a bad ankle injury)

Lynch was eventually dealt to the Seattle Seahawks for 2nd and 5th round picks. I understand the Packers are trying to build for the future, but how wise is that when, thanks to Harvey Den...I mean, Commissioner Goodell, there won't be a 2011 NFL season?

Also, yes, Viking fans are excited about the fact they obtained a future hall of fame receiver that is better than any receiver in the history of the Green Bay Packers. For a franchise that has zero Super Bowl wins, it's not a crime to try and go for everything. Especially when the team is going to be blown up post-lockout.

The argument can be made that the Vikings could be football's current version of the New York Yankees, or the Miami Heat. I agree, but if your team has a shot, why not go for it?

It makes the Packer/Viking rivalry even more fun as well. The two biggest villians in Packer history now play on the same team. Interesting. Let the games begin.

MINNESOTA
Randy Moss is a touchy subject in Minnesota. Half of Viking fans hated him for his off the field antics. Moss walked off the field early during games, ran over meter maids, and mooned his opponents.

However, half of the Viking fans see Moss as something more...

"Imagine if Marley came back to life and how happy Owen Wilson would be. That's how I feel about Randy Moss." - Paul Winkels

Moss was the first Viking player my brain actually wrapped around and made me a Vikings fan in 1998 (I used to love the 49ers with Steve Young and Jerry Rice in my really early years...dun dun dun!!!). He's my favorite football player and was devastated when he was traded to the Raiders in February 2005.

He was a lot of fun to watch on the field, and I was happy to see him succeed with the Patriots, so I'm excited to see him back in purple.

MLB Playoff Picks and 2010 Award Winners

The regular season is over, and if you're like me, you kind of start to lose track of baseball in September. Either your team is good enough to know you're in the playoffs or your team is so bad, you're out of contention by the time September rolls around. There are only a select few that have the chase that the San Francisco Giants and San Diego Padres had this season.

However, that's why October is so great. The gloves are off. You have teams that haven't been there in a while, like the Cincinnati Reds, who hadn't won the division since 1996.

An aging manager trying to get one more World Series under his resume before he rides into the sunset, like Atlanta Braves manager Bobby Cox.

And the David vs. Goliath matchups that exist like the Yankees taking on the Twins (the Twins have a 100 million dollar payroll, but with the Yankees dominance in recent years, it only feels like the Yankees are invincible.)

On top of all of this you have memorable moments with calls that are etched in the annals of time such as "The Giants win the pennant!", "Go crazy folks", "I can't believe what I just saw!" and of course "AND WE'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW NIGHT!!!"

(NOTE: Isn't it funny how Jack Buck cranked out legendary call after legendary call, but Joe Buck couldn't make a Tip Cup race exciting? I mean, Jack Buck was the Gus Johnson of baseball while Joe is...ugh. Give me some time folks, I'll save you.)

In this installment, I will make my picks for the awards for the 2010 Major League Baseball season and pick the playoffs. So to go where we're going to go, you must look at where you've been.

AMERICAN LEAGUE MOST VALUABLE PLAYER
This one is ridiculously wide open. When you look at it, there are four players who are worthy of winning the AL MVP.

Paul Konerko (CWS - 1B): .312 avg, 39 HR, 111 RBI, .977 OPS
Miguel Cabrera (DET - 1B): .328 avg, 38 HR, 126 RBI, 1.042 OPS
Josh Hamilton (TEX - OF): .352 avg., 32 HR, 100 RBI, 1.044 OPS
Robinson Cano (NYY - 2B): .319 avg, 29 HR, 109 RBI, .914 OPS

The stats are really tight, but here's how I distinguish here.

The White Sox faded at the end of the race, and Konerko's season is built on strictly power numbers. Yes, he carried the team through most of the season, but do you reward him for his team taking a complete nose dive in September?

Josh Hamilton reminds me of the case that Carlos Quentin had in 2008 with the White Sox. Quentin had a .288 avg, 36 HR, 100 RBI, .965 OPS statline, which looks pretty solid. However, Quentin missed the entire final month of the season after breaking his hand in frustration and ultimately lost the award to Dustin Pedroia. However, Quentin had guys like Konerko and Jim Thome in that lineup. The White Sox were stacked. The Rangers had to deal with multiple injuries to Ian Kinsler, Nelson Cruz, and Michael Young, and yet Hamilton kept on cruising until he broke a rib on September 4th.

Miguel Cabrera is a very interesting case. However, the Tigers were 81-81. Some would say that the Tigers had a very young team that fizzled out towards the end. But the Tigers also had quality players such as Justin Verlander, Magglio Ordonez, and Jose Valverde. The Tigers will be back, but this year isn't the year that Cabrera is MVP.

Robinson Cano plays in a loaded lineup. Yes, a majority of the Yankee lineup has struggled, but pitchers still pitch cautiously to Alex Rodriguez, Derek Jeter, and Mark Teixeira. I love Cano, but not enough to give him MVP.
Crishad's pick: Josh Hamilton, OF, Texas Rangers

NATIONAL LEAGUE MVP
Candidates:
Albert Pujols (STL - 1B): .312 avg, 42 HR, 118 RBI, 1.011 OPS
Joey Votto (CIN - 1B): .324, 37 HR, 113 RBI, 1.024 OPS

This one is more conclusive. Albert is a great player, but he's not playing in October. Votto has carried the Reds and made everyone around him better. Write his name down, cause he has the potential to win a couple of these.
Crishad's Pick: Joey Votto, 1B, Cincinnati Reds

AMERICAN LEAGUE CY YOUNG
Candidates:
CC Sabathia (NYY): 21-7, 3.18 ERA, 197 K, 1.19 WHIP
David Price (TB): 19-6, 2.72 ERA, 188 K, 1.19 WHIP
Felix Hernandez (SEA): 13-12 2.27 ERA, 232 K, 1.06 WHIP

Look at King Felix's stats...WOW!!! Note that Felix did that in the American League. I always a run off the ERA when converting to the NL. I don't think Felix would put up a 1.27 ERA, but if you put a better offense around Hernandez, he wins 20-25 games. Yes, I said 25 games.

However, because the Mariners offense was so terrible Hernandez has an awful record. This will kill him because that's how people vote. Not this guy.
Crishad's Pick: Felix Hernandez, Seattle Mariners

NATIONAL LEAGUE CY YOUNG

I'm not even going to list candidates on this one. Roy Halladay (21-10, 2.44 ERA, 219 K, 1.04 WHIP) has been the best pitcher in the National League. It's not even close.
Crishad's Pick: Roy Halladay

AMERICAN LEAGUE ROOKIE OF THE YEAR
Austin Jackson (OF, DET): .293 avg, 4 HR, 41 RBI, 27 SB
Danny Valencia (3B, MIN): .311 avg, 7 HR, 40 RBI, .799 OPS
Neftali Feliz (P, TEX): 4-3, 2.73 ERA, 40 SV

Austin Jackson started really well, but tailed off by the end of the season. Meanwhile Danny Valencia only played HALF of the Twins season. Feliz is technically a rookie after making his debut in 2009, but he was thrust into the closers role, so he's my pick.
Crishad's Pick: Feliz

NATIONAL LEAGUE ROOKIE OF THE YEAR:
Crishad's Pick: Jason Heyward (OF, ATL; .277 avg, 18 HR, 72 RBI)

AMERICAN LEAGUE MANAGER OF THE YEAR:
Ron Gardenhire (MIN)

A lot of people will pick Texas manager Ron Washington for this award, but Gardy lost his closer, his first baseman, and patched together a pitching staff to win his fifth AL Central Championship.

NATIONAL LEAGUE MANAGER OF THE YEAR:
Bobby Cox (ATL)

This is the sentimental pick, but the Braves took all their question marks and turned it into a playoff berth.

OK, and after all of that...my picks for the MLB Postseason.

AMERICAN LEAGUE

ALDS:
Yankees over Twins in 4 games
Rays over Rangers in 4 games

ALCS:
Rays over Yankees in 7 games

NATIONAL LEAGUE

NLDS:
Phillies over Reds in 4 games
Giants over Braves in 5 games

NLCS:
Phillies over Phillies in 5 games

WORLD SERIES:
Phillies over Rays in 6 games

I Hate New York

It seems like everyone is just in a love affair with New York. There's that Frank Sinatra song that talks about "If I can make it here, I can make it anywhere." Riiiight.

Madison Square Garden, Carnagie Deli, The Statue of Liberty...it's all great...right? Then, there's the cesspool at East 161st Street and River Avenue. That would be Yankee Stadium.

It's because of this billion dollar structure that I can't stand the biggest city in the United States. There is an arrogance that is about New Yorkers that I just can't tolerate. Everyone thinks their hometown is great, but New Yorkers take this to an extreme.

If I'm wrong, why does this song exist?

I mean, wow. If I were Jay-Z I would reword the song a bit.

Yeah I'm at Yankee Game
Watch us get blown out
Jeter sucks donkey @#$%
Someone's gotta box out
Every other sport sucks, let's get a Cannuli
What the @#$%'s a Canulli, you don't deserve to be here in NEW YORRRRRRRK!!!

Ugh...the arrogance in New York, it's only made worse by the New York Yankees. 27 championships, countless numbers of legendary baseball players, and a legion of arrogant, front running, bandwagon fans. The Yankees are second, behind the Green Bay Packers, when it comes to my most hated sports teams.

There is so much to hate about their team, it's not even funny.

The face of the franchise is their shortstop, Derek Jeter. There is no doubt that he's a great player. But let's be honest here. He's the most smug athlete in professional sports behind Kobe Bryant...maybe now LeBron James. He dated Mariah Carey, who has flirted with Eminem before getting into the whole cougar craze and thought that dating Nick Cannon was a good idea. I usually don't think about this, but I think that Jeter has some STD that looks like a very unfriendly version of the Cookie Monster.

Come to think of it...look at Jeter. Doesn't it look like his mother had sex with The Rock and the news muppet from Sesame Street? Yeah, I think so too.

Their other big superstar is Alex Rodriguez. Who has hit 613 home runs. Pretty cool huh? Oh wait...HE CHEATED!!! Rodriguez took steroids when he was with the Rangers, so in my book his accomplishments don't phase me like they used to. When I was little, my mom made me write a book report over the summer so I'd get better at writing. I chose that prick. Sigh. Jim Thome is approaching that milestone now...oh and he's legit.

Did I mention Alex Rodriguez fooled around with Madonna? Yeah, and we were shocked about A-Rod using steroids....moving on.

Mark Texeira's wife demanded that he choose New York over Washington, Baltimore, and Boston. Whipped? Tom Brady eat your heart out.

Joe Girardi has a GIANT binder in which he keeps all sorts of stats and sabermetrics to go through when making a decision during a game. Will the umpires stop the game if he loses is pocket protector?

Phil Cuzzi...yeah he doesn't play for the Yankees but I still remember this. @#$% you.

Everyone at ESPN...see Phil Cuzzi.

And on top of all of this the Yankees think that this will be an easy pass to the ALCS. You can just go ahead and think that. I already mentioned this is a better Twins team than it was last year. Think Twins 2.0 or something.

All of this is fueling the fire for myself and many other Twins fans to see this group of losers get driven straight into the ground. Why are the Twins better than the Yankees.

- Our first baseman power lifted with bears until he got hurt. Yeah, awesome.

- Fat Joe is a Yankee fan. These guys think that five years is as painful as the Cubs 101 year drought.

- Target Field is better than Yankee Stadium. Look it up.

- Oh and the Twins are also the better franchise in those same rankings.

- They aren't the Yankees.

There are many other things, but if the Twins pull this off, I'll be a very happy guy.

The Yankees Are Coming

The Minnesota Twins may have gotten an unlucky draw when it comes to the postseason yet again. The Twins will host the New York Yankees in the American League Divisional Series which begins Wednesday night. However, it seems like the Twins are going to face more than the Yankees.

They'll be facing 18-54. That's the Twins record against the Yankees since Ron Gardenhire became manager in 2002.

They'll be facing nine straight playoff losses dating back to 2006.

They'll be facing a playoff series drought dating back to 2002, when the Twins defeated the Oakland Athletics in five games.

They'll be facing the ghosts of Yankee Stadium, which are obviously not Twins fans.

It seems like the Twins have many reasons to fear the Yankees, but think about it. This is what we dreamed about in February when the days were getting warmer, and the anticipation of Target Field was building.

It's become put up or shut up time for the Twins, and you just had the feeling that the Twins were going to have to go through New York to achieve their goals of not only winning a series, but winning THE series.

Of all the crazy things that I see and hear in wrestling, one always seems to make sense.

"To be the man, WHOO!!! You gotta beat the man!" - Ric Flair

If the Twins can exorcise some demons, the road to the World Series may be less daunting, and now might be a perfect time to do just that.

Think about it. In previous years, the Twins were regarded as a sleeper team. They had talent, but nobody expected them to do anything. They were the little team that could. They were American League Central Champions of the world and OK with that.

This year seems different. The Twins are not only team upside, they've acquired battle tested talent.

The core of the Twins has been to the playoffs several times. Yeah, they've looked starstruck in those series, but they have experience in these situations. They also have veterans such as Jim Thome and Orlando Hudson that have boatloads of experience as well.

The Yankees also aren't the Yankees from last year. Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez, and Mark Teixiera have all had sub-par seasons. Aside from CC Sabbathia, their rotation is in shambles. Even Mariano Rivera has looked human this season.

Plus the Twins are getting the Yankees in a short series. If the Twins can win three times in the next five games, they'll be rid of the Yankees.

So get your voodoo dolls or drip some chicken blood on a Yankee cap. The Twins are going to need all of Twins Territory's support in the next week. I would be stunned if the Twins win the series in less than 5 games. This series has the potential to be a great one if the Twins can play like they're capable of playing. Until then, get ready folks. It's time to go to war.

Twins Playoff Schedule and Probable Pitchers
Game 1: Yankees at Twins (Sabathia vs. Liriano) Wednesday 7:37 pm
Game 2: Yankees at Twins (Pettitte vs. Pavano) Thursday 5:07 pm
Game 3: Twins at Yankees (Duensing vs. Hughes) Saturday 7:37 pm
Game 4: Twins at Yankees (Blackburn vs. Burnett) October 10th TBA*
Game 5: Yankees at Twins (Sabathia vs. Liriano) October 12th TBA*
* If Necessary