The No Bowl

There seems to be a dying breed in professional sports. Back in the 1960's, All-Star games were simply awesome. You could seriously watch any of them and know that the best of the best were playing in them. In the baseball all-star game, pitchers would have to face 4 to 5 potential hall of famers down. If they did it successfully, they became legends...well for about 20 minutes. The basketball all-star game has given sports fans great moments as well, such as Michael Jordan against a 19 year old Kobe Bryant in 1999. If you're a hockey fan, you remember Owen Nolan going on a breakaway, calling his shot, and shooting to that corner and scoring his third goal of the game. All-Star games were great. Yeah, I said were...

The problem is now that the all-star games have been ruined by competition. For example, the NBA all-star weekend has devolved into a no-defense scorefest. I'll talk about that once the game is closer, but as bad as all-star games have gotten, nothing has compared to the pro bowl.

I remember last year calling my mom and telling her that Adrian Peterson won the MVP award for the Pro Bowl. My mom replied with the answer that is now resonating throughout the nation: "Who cares?" The magic simply isn't there. There's also no incentive for the players to play this game. Sure, the winners and losers all get bonuses to play in the Pro Bowl, but nobody really cares if they win or lose. The bonuses are more like chump change compared to their actuall mega-deal contracts. Think of how brutal professional football is. How do they try to convince these guys to play one more game?

"Congratulations, Brett Favre! You've been selected to be a quarterback for the National Football Conference in the 2010 Pro Bowl! We know you've been going through a lot of physical and mental pain, but what's one more game? We'll pay you half of your normal game salary, and don't worry nobody will get hurt! Well, that is if you're not Brian Moorman..."

As a matter of fact, that's the only memorable moment that I can remember from the Pro Bowl...EVER!!! Well, that's not true. I remember hearing about Marvin Harrison putting some poor kid in a chokehold after asking for his autograph. Maybe it was something like this. And that wasn't even on TV!

The Pro Bowl is a joke. Players get out of the Pro Bowl faster than they do baby mama drama. It's like having sexual relations with Hillary Clinton, nobody wants any part of it. However, NFL Commisioner Harvey Dent...I mean Roger Goodell decided that the Pro Bowl should be moved to the week before the Super Bowl. Hey, why have a zit on your butt when you can have it on your forehead? Now what was the NFL's worst kept secret is now in the mainstream, Goodell got what he wanted. However, people like myself are bashing the Pro Bowl to no end.

Take this into consideration. The players on what are the two best teams in the NFL (sorry Vikings) are not taking part. That's a total of 14 players. (Sidenote: These 14 players are required to show up or risk losing their Pro Bowl bonuses. So now the game is so bad that the NFL is FORCING people to watch it.) Throw in that 5 of the 10 players that were selected on the Minnesota Vikings bowed out of the Pro Bowl this week. So just from that the NFL needed to select 19 replacement players for the game that's being billed as the "best of the best." Puke.

One of these replacements was Jacksonville Jaguars quarterback David Garrard, who will be starting for the AFC. If you're thinking that David Garrard must have had a pretty modest year, you're right. Garrard had 15 touchdowns and 10 interceptions in 2009. That just screams Pro Bowler. That's just one replacement. I don't know the exact numbers as far as number of replacements, but when they NFL has to go for their 10th choice, it's not an "All-Star". Also consider that another quarterback on the roster is Vince Young. Young spent the first 6 games of the season on the bench for the Tennessee Titans.

Have you ever seen that episode in The Office where Dwight is put in charge to make a healthcare plan and all the sudden the rest of the office is asking for made up diseases to be covered such as "Dental Hyperplosion: the liquification of your teeth to the point where they drip down your throat?" It seems to me that the NFL is getting the same type of diseases as excuses to skip the Pro Bowl. I'm seriously looking forward to seeing the ratings for this game and laughing Monday morning. The game was moved to the mainland for more exposure. Well, Mr. Goodell, you have your wish!