The following is the fifth part of a five part series in which I count down my most hated teams in the National Football League coming into this season. It changes from year to year as teams get undeserved hype and that kind of stuff. So here it goes...
Hello, my name is Chris Schad and I HATE the Green Bay Packers.
Did you expect anything different? Honestly? See, I grew up in Minnesota. In Minnesota our parents teach us three words at birth: Mommy, Daddy, and Packers Suck.
They have a better stadium than the Vikings. Some of their players are better than the Vikings players. For example, the Vikings have had one true franchise quarterback during their existence. (Fran Tarkenton) The Packers are on pace to have THREE. (Bart Starr, Brett Favre, and Aaron Rodgers [assuming he doesn't fall of the face of the planet.]
So, I'm willing to give you an anatomy of why I hate the Green Bay Packers.
The first reason is, I can't stand Packer fans. Packer fans are fiercely loyal, which is a good thing, but they are very unimaginative with their trash talk.
For example, I decided to finally bust out my Adrian Peterson jersey for the first time for River Falls Days (The River Falls town festival) in July. While I was drinking my beer, a man came up to me and said "Don't drop your beer." I chuckled a little bit and moved on. By the end of the night 7 people had said the same joke which almost lead to a brawl inside the beer garden by the end of the night.
Did the Packers brass send out an e-mail on that one? It must be the new Packer company line which replaces THREE SUPER BOWLS!!!!
That's the other thing that annoys me. Packer fans literally scream "Three Super Bowls" to end every argument. I could be talking about how Robert Smith was a better running back than Dorsey Levens and the Packer fan would say "Well...we have three Super Bowls."
They're definitely entitled to show off their rings. After all, the Vikings are one of two teams to lose four Super Bowls (Buffalo Bills). The Packers have won three...that's a plus/minus of -7 in the ego department, but come on. Be creative. I know you can do better.
They're also giant hypocrites. That's right. Remember when Mr. Favre wanted to come back after retiring the first time? Packer fans were picketing training camp wanting Favre back. Mike McCarthy even said that there would be an open competition for the starting job in Green Bay. And nobody but Brett Favre could ever lead the Packers!!! This Rodgers guy has done nothing.
Two years later and roughly 9,000 yards passing, Aaron Rodgers is God in Green Bay. He can't do wrong. Would I love to have him on our team? You bet! But he's not and that's the problem.
Of course it's the cycle of the Packers quarterback. The fans will not be sure what he can do at the beginning of the year and then suddenly, BOOM! Not only do the Packer fans love him, but Viking fans can't stand him...
That brings me to my next point. I know exactly what happened the night Aaron Rodgers season ended. You see, he got down on his knees and said a little prayer that sounded like this.
Aaron: Oh dear God...you see, my name's Aaron and I just threw for 4,000 yards, was the best quarterback in my division, and have an entire city worshiping me. But there's just one problem. Everybody outside of Green Bay still thinks that I absolutely suck!!!
And then his house shook, the heavens parted, the clouds opened and God himself appeared and said this...
God: Andrew...
Aaron: But my names Aar...
God: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!!! You are absolutely right. You do suck! But there is one thing and one thing only you can do. You must go find the man who is simply electrifying. You must go find Brett Favre...
Aaron: Oh my God, anybody but Brett Fa...
God: KNOW YOUR ROLE AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!!
And then as fear went through his body, tears streamed down his cheek, and piss rolled down his leg, his house shook again, the heavens opened up and what seemed like millions....and millions of Viking fans, all screaming in unison "JABRONI!!!" IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLL...WHAT THE ROCK...
Woah, blacked out for a second. Everyone refuses to state the obvious. Brett Favre is in Rodgers' head. When he wakes up in the morning, he sees Brett Favre. When he sees his reflection in the coffee he's drinking, he sees Brett Favre. FARVE! FAVRE! FAVRE! FAVRE!
Dammit...I did it again. The fact of the matter is that I hate Aaron Rodgers. I hate how football experts drool over him. I hate how he's dating the lead singer of Lady Antebellum. I hate how he does dog sled racing, fufilling a certain friend of mine's dream to cover the Iditarod and interviewing Rodgers at the same time. And I hate him because he's the quarterback of the Green Bay Packers.
And the name...Packers. Is there any team in the NFL that could easily have their team name converted into an insensitive comment with just one word. (I'll let you figure that one out.)
Of course this is all natural, and come the two meetings this year, there will be numerous brawls throughout Minnesota and Wisconsin to determine who's the best team. Anyways, we also know that those fights will be nothing compared to family night in Green Bay, which always ends with Daddy cracking open another beer and then decking mommy cause the circus peanuts weren't cooked enough.
No comments:
Post a Comment