The following is the fourth part of a five part series in which I count down my most hated teams in the National Football League coming into this season. It changes from year to year as teams get undeserved hype and that kind of stuff. So here it goes...
Bandwagon fan - Switches to whatever team/alligeiance/belief/game happens to be successful at the time. (Urban Dictionary)
Yes, back in elementary school, Chris Schad was a spaz, but never channeled his pent up aggression and rage to pummel someone. If he did, he probably would have hit a girl on the playground in that February day.
Oh yes, I remember it well. Remember Starter jackets? Man, those things were cool! (GOD I'M GETTING OLD!!!) I had an Orlando Magic one myself. (Hey, I loved Shaq and Penny...so maybe I'm a little bit hypocritical here, but that's beside the point!) This girl comes up to me...and she was a big angry girl. We were playing King of The Hill and she came up and knocked me off (DON'T LAUGH!!!). When I asked why, she started throwing out words my virgin ears had never heard before. When I repeated one of these words back to describe the team that was on her jacket, the 90 other bandwagon fans of said team came up and whooped my ass while the playground attendant dragged my beaten carcass to the principal's office for dropping my first F-Bomb. What team am I talking about? The Dallas Cowboys.
There are two generations of Cowboy fans, and they are both considered to be bandwagoners. Back in the 1970's, Tom Landry was leading the Cowboys to multiple Super Bowls with Roger Staubach. They quickly coined the phrase "America's Team." Yeah...bull@#$%!
The second generation spawned in the 1990's when Troy Aikman, Michael Irvin, and Emmitt Smith lead the Cowboys from 1-15 in 1988 to Super Bowl champions in 1992.
They are the most arrogant team in the NFL. I can't even stand their legends for God sake!!! Just go and watch the "America's Team" series about the 1992 Cowboys. You will want to jump through your TV and punch Michael Irvin. (Although there is a great moment where Irvin describes how female fans would break into his house and wait for him after road games to which Irvin would usually reply, "Um, where are your clothes?")
So why do I hate the Cowboys you ask? Funny you should ask. The Cowboys have dined off the Minnesota Vikings repeatedly in their legacy among other reasons.
The most obvious is their owner: Jerry Jones. I'll admit, if Jones was running my team, I would love it. The fact he's not makes me think he's an absolute slimeball. The southern accent. The dictatorship he runs over the Cowboys. Those are all good reasons to hate him, but the man is just like George Stienbrenner was in major league baseball.
Sometimes, Jerry does it with free agency (Terrell Owens) and sometimes Jerry does it with players falling into his lap in the draft (Smith, Tony Romo, Miles Austin). He's the anti-Al Davis in that what he does actually works!
Not to mention, he built a giant spaceship in Arlington and called it a football stadium that can seat 111,000 people. Well done sir...good for you! Jerry World has already hosted a ridiculous amount of events and all the money is going into his back pocket. Makes you sick huh?
Then there's Tony Romo. As overrated as Reggie Bush is, Tony Romo is right up there. Romo gains a majority of his stats against bad teams and as we all know has a bad taste in women. Hey it started out OK with Carrie Underwood...but to dump her for JESSICA SIMPSON??? That's a fumble in my book. Well, actually I'd take either if they came up to my doorstep...but I'm getting off track.
By the way, Romo has ONE playoff victory and a terrible December/January track record. Fantasy football managers beware!
Then there's the obvious reason to hate Dallas.
The Hail Mary play.
PEARSON PUSHED OFF GOD DAMMIT!!! THAT REF DESERVED WHAT WAS COMING TO HIM!!! OK, Chris...calm down.
Many say that the Vikings team in 1975 was the best Viking team in franchise history despite not winning a playoff game. The refs missing 5 holding calls, an offsides, and a defensive pass interference doesn't exactly help things.
To make matters worse, Dallas lubed up thirteen years later and stuck it to the Vikings and what is known as the Hershel Walker trade.
The worst part about this trade is that the Cowboys got some Emmitt Smith guy...who turned out to be the ALL-TIME LEADING RUSHER IN THE HISTORY OF THE NFL!!! Yeah...how bad did the Vikings need a running back? I thought so.
Then there's the obvious. ESPN LOVES the Cowboys. I mean...they watch Cowboys highlights and have cold showers together afterwards. It doesn't matter how crappy the Cowboys are...when they come to your town look out.
This happened before the Divisional Playoff matchup last year. The way ESPN talked, you thought the Vikings would be foolish to show up. Final score: Vikings 34, Cowboys 3. The locals unleashed the fury all over Romo and the boys, and they went out with their tail between their legs. Hell, you could hear Keith Brooking whimpering about how the Vikings ran up the score. As Lou Holtz said (slobbering all the way) "You don't like us running up the score? Keep us out of the endzone."
So like the other teams, I would love to see Dallas turn out like Old Texas Stadium last year. America's Team has no place in my heart, but they're nothing like....SEE YOU TOMORROW! :)
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