Wrestlemania Preview Part 3

UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP: Sheamus (c) vs. Daniel Bryan

This match could be an under the radar match if you like solid wrestling, and if you like John Cena, you probably don't.

Many have knocked Daniel Bryan for a "lack of charisma" during his WWE career. After all, the WWE knows best, right? Not exactly.

Looking at Daniel Bryan, I'm reminded of Mr. Kennedy (who is now Mr. Anderson in TNA Wrestling). Kennedy/Anderson was an elite talent in the WWE with mic skills and an ability to get things done in the ring. However, the WWE didn't know how to use him. That's how I feel with Bryan.

When superstars from organizations come into the WWE, Vince McMahon strips them of any former gimmick because Vinny Mac didn't create it. So, instead of Bryan going by his real name of Brian Danielson, they flipped it. Instead of bringing his "I HAVE TIL FIVE" bit (as in five seconds to break a hold) to the WWE, they tried Daniel Bryan as the Ladies Man. Gotta use the Bella Twins somehow I guess when there isn't a guest host.

So it's a bit frustrating to see a guy who can clearly entertain in the ring get watered down a bit. We'll see how it turns out as things progress.

In Shemus' case, the WWE brought him back to his Celtic Warrior gimmick, which I love.

When Sheamus first came to the WWE, he was the Celtic Warrior. He was a guy who wasn't afraid of a fight and will kick the snot out of you to prove that he is worthy of your respect. Then came his feud with John Cena.

We'll get to the invincibility of John Cena in a later post, but Sheamus suddenly became a quivering version of the Iron Shiek. Or, in other words, the champion who always cheated to win. We've already been down this road before...AND there are a ton of cheating champions.

The fact that they've brought Sheamus back to being the Celtic Warrior is a good thing. I'm actually entertained by him physically beating the hell out of the other guy in the ring and not being a sniveling coward.

Overall, the match should be a good one. I expect Sheamus to retain his title and hold onto the belt for a couple of months.

8 MAN TAG MATCH: The Big Show, Kane, Santino Marella, and Vladamir Kozlov vs. The Corre (Wade Barrett, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, and Ezekiel Jackson)

Yawn. Simply...yawn. There are two wasted championships in this match that could be used during Wrestlemania, but this match also represents a problem.

In previous years, WM featured the Money In The Bank ladder match. This was a perfect opportunity to get 6-8 people into Wrestlemania, and keep people entertained. However, this will be the first Wrestlemania since 21 without the Money In The Bank match because they decided to turn it into a gimmick pay-per-view.

So that's how they came upon a 8 man tag match. They get a whole bunch of people involved and still keep enough room to have other pointless matches (Like the Snooki match). They want to thank everyone for their hard work over the year by putting them in Wrestlemania, but you have to ask at what cost?

It would be much better if they had the championships in the match on the line in two separate matchups. Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel are the Tag Team Champions. Only problem is that they are the only legit tag team in the WWE at the moment. The Hart Dynasty and the Usos were both scrapped and we're left with random main eventers that the booking committee can't find a feud for paired together to win a tag team championship.

Remember when there were a slew of tag teams? The Hardys, Edge and Christian, The Dudleys, New Age Outlaws, Jeff Jarrett and Owen Hart, etc. Nothing is left in this division. A tag team match is a signal to go get a beer now. It's pretty sad. But if the WWE maybe created a rivalry between the Corre and Santino/Kozlov, it might jumpstart the division. But I highly doubt that.

Wade Barrett has the Intercontinental Championship. Couldn't they make a triple threat with him against Kane and Big Show. And why is Kane suddenly a happy-go-lucky guy. Wasn't this the guy who was so angry at his brother he buried him alive...again? I understand that pro wrestling doesn't have to make complete sense, but really?

Another thing that confuses me is the formation of the Corre, who is so bad ass they need two R's in their name? Tell me, what was wrong with the Nexus? Why couldn't we have this one group who was beating people up. Is Smackdown that much better with the Corre there? I don't think so. But, what's done is done, I guess.

The match should be like any other 8 man tag. I'm assuming this match will open Wrestlemania as people are settling into their seats at the Georgia Dome. It certainly will not be an instant classic.

2011 MLB Predictions

About a year ago, I started firing off predictions for the upcoming major league baseball season. On The Crishad Experience, I hired the help of Renee Thony to give me a perspective on the Milwaukee Brewer side of things and away we went.

NOTE: To give credit where it's due, Renee BALLED during this episode as she came in with a hellacious case of the flu bug. Very impressive feat for those of you wondering at home.

As we slammed through all of the predictions, everything looked like it was pretty legit. That is until the Baltimore Orioles got off to a terrible start...making my 3rd place AL East prediction for the Orioles not so good.

OK, so at least I didn't have that solid of predictions...but I guessed that Ron Gardenhire would finally win his manager of the year award and he did. (Although I thought it would come after a playoff series win.) So anyways, here is what I'm seeing in the 2011 Major League Baseball season.

NATIONAL LEAGUE EAST
1. Philadelphia Phillies (97-65, 1st NL East in '10, Lost to SF in NLCS)
The Phillies got the apple of everyone's free agent eye in the offseason, Cliff Lee. This gives them a rotation where a former World Series MVP in Cole Hamels is the 4th starter and a rotation that can matchup with anyone.
2. Atlanta Braves (91-71, 2nd NL East, Lost to SF in the NLDS)
Very young and talented team loses their wise manager. However, his protoge of sorts, Fredi Gonzalez takes the helm and could lead them to a NL Wild Card Berth.
3. Florida Marlins (80-82, 3rd NL East)
Hanley Ramirez is accepting a new leadership role with the team, and Mike Stanton will get his first full season in the majors. Factor that in with a solid pitching staff, and the Fish may crash the NL East party.
4. New York Mets (79-83, 4th NL East)
The Mets will get Jason Bay back, but won't have their ace Johan Santana back until July at the earliest. New GM Sandy Alderson will be looking to make a mark on the team, so several players such as Jose Reyes may have new uniforms by season's end.
5. Washington Nationals (69-93, 5th NL East)
Not their time yet, but with Jayson Werth joining the team to persuade guys that Washington is a place to play and the future arrivals of Stephen Strasburg (out in '11 with Tommy John) and Bryce Harper, the future is very bright.

NATIONAL LEAGUE CENTRAL
1. Milwaukee Brewers (77-85, 3rd NL Central)
Awesome offense gets a real pitching staff to help it out. Zack Grienke is a huge addition, but Shawn Marcum could be a game changer to give the Brewers their first division title since 1982.
2. Cincinnati Reds (91-71, 1st NL Central, Lost to PHI in NLDS)
Speaking of pitching, the Reds have a ton of it. Bronson Arroyo will be battling Mono for the first month of the season, but with guys like Travis Wood and Johnny Cueto to go along with their dominant set-up man Aroldis Chapman, the Reds will be in good shape.
3. St. Louis Cardinals (86-76, 2nd NL Central)
The Cardinals are having a nightmarish spring. Albert Pujols didn't sign a long term extension and Adam Wainright went down to Tommy John surgery. Chris Carpenter is still there to give the Cardinals some veteran leadership, but is there enough around Albert Pujols to make them contenders?
4. Chicago Cubs (75-87, 4th NL Central)
Mike Quade takes over for the Cubs, and I really like his attitude. However, there are too many players on the Cubs who might not be good enough for them to end the curse. Carlos "I hit .198, but I can hit bombs" Pena will try and replace Derrick Lee, and Matt Garza should blossom into an ace for the Northsiders.
5. Houston Astros (76-86, 5th NL Central)
The Astros had a changing of the guard last season when Drayton McLane not only put the team up for sale, but also dealt away Lance Berkman and Roy Oswalt, who had been the faces of the franchise for the past decade. Out of the ashes comes talent from Chris Johnson and Brett Wallace, but it's not enough to contend yet.
6. Pittsburgh Pirates (57-105, 6th NL Central)
Here's an interesting fact. Over the past couple of seasons, no team has spent more in draft picks than the Pirates. It might not show in the win column yet, but Pedro Alvarez, Andrew McCutcheon, and Jose Tabata are going to be names you'll hear in the next couple of years.

NATIONAL LEAGUE WEST
1. San Francisco Giants (92-70, 1st NL West, Def. Texas in World Series)
Pitching, pitching, pitching. That's how you describe the Giants rotation. Lincecum, Cain, Sanchez, and Bumgarner form the most devastating combination West of Philadelphia. Throw in Brian Wilson to end the game, and it will be tough to dethrone the defending champs.
2. Los Angeles Dodgers (80-82, 4th NL West)
The Dodgers didn't make too many moves in the offseason, but it may be addition by subtraction. Manny Ramirez is gone, and the Dodgers will be looking for people to step up in his absence. They also need guys like Matt Kemp to rebound from a down year, and Andre Either to regain his MVP form from the first half of last season. All is certain that Don Mattingly, replacing Joe Torre will have this team ready to go.
3. Colorado Rockies (83-79, 3rd NL West)
If Troy Tulowitzki didn't get hurt, this could have been a dangerous team to play in the postseason. The thing that bothers me is consistency. After a blazing start, Ubaldo Jimenez was terrible in the second half. Plus, Tulo didn't get most of his production until September. If the Rox can put together a solid effort for an entire season, they can finish higher. But as of now, I have to be cautious.
4. San Diego Padres (90-72, 2nd NL West)
This was the team who maybe should have gotten in over the Giants last season. If it weren't for a late 11 game losing streak, the Padres might have been the team we're talking about repeating. Alas, not the case. The Padres traded Adrian Gonzalez, and I have to wonder where this team is going to get offense from for their solid pitching staff.
5. Arizona Diamondbacks (65-97, 5th NL West)
This team either strikes out or hits bombs. This is something Kurt Gibson is trying to change in the desert. However, there isn't much major league ready talent to help out. Justin Upton will look to rebound after last season, and Daniel Hudson could develop into a stud pitcher. However, the D'Backs will have to be patient as they begin their latest rebuilding project.

AMERICAN LEAGUE EAST
1. Boston Red Sox (89-73, 3rd AL East)
The Red Sox didn't make the playoffs last year, so what do they do? Get pissed and hit the free agent market while burning the farm system! BOOM! Carl Crawford! BOOM! Adrian Gonzalez. Both should have monster years at Fenway (No pun intended) and the Red Sox pitching staff should be markedly better from a year ago now that Jon Lester and Clay Bucholz are turning into top of the line starters.
2. New York Yankees (95-67, 2nd AL East, Lost to TEX in ALCS)
ESPN can't believe that the Yankees are being called underdogs. Well, I kind of agree. If the Yankees can lean on their lean talent cupboard of Alex Rodriguez, Mark Texieria, and Robinson Cano, I guess they could compete. Their rotation is a bit of a concern, but Ivan Nova will have a big season behind CC Sabbathia and Phil Hughes.
3. Tampa Bay Rays (96-66, 1st AL East, Lost to TEX in ALDS)
The Rays finally conquered the AL East last season only to have a letdown in the playoffs, sound familiar? The Rays then had to let go of all their elite talent....(wow this is eerie almost) Carl Crawford, Matt Garza, Jason Bartlett, and the majority of their bullpen all left Tampa and the rebuilding process begins. There's still talent there with Longoria, Price, and Hellickson, but can the additions of Manny Ramirez and Johnny Damon keep them in contention?
4. Toronto Blue Jays (85-77, 4th AL East)
This team could have won the AL Central last season. There's a lot of talent here, but their division is so stacked, they can't break through. I'm personally skeptical about Jose Bautista repeating his 50 bomb campaign, but they have solid young pitching and can be a team that improves over the next couple of seasons. But they play in the AL East...pack a lunch.
5. Baltimore Orioles (66-96, 5th AL East)
In a division like this, somebody has to be a pinata. Hi, Baltimore! Buck Showalter got the O's thinking the right way after his arrival, but then they made moves like they were going to contend. J.J. Hardy, Vlad Guerrero, and Derrek Lee all join the fold, but do they really help anything? Their starting staff is inexperienced, and Brian Roberts is made of glass. We'll see what happens here, especially with a talented outfield of Nick Markakis and Adam Jones, but I will not make the same mistake I made last year.

AMERICAN LEAGUE CENTRAL
1. Minnesota Twins (94-68, 1st AL Central, Lost to NYY in ALDS)
When it comes to October, the Twins suck. When it comes to the AL Central, they own your favorite AL Central team. The Twins lost several players over the offseason, but still figure to be in the mix for their 7th AL Central title in 10 years. Many players on the offense had down years and could rebound, and the Twins have rebuilt their pen before, can they do it again? I think so.
2. Chicago White Sox (88-74, 2nd AL Central)
The White Sox continue to look for ways to defeat the Minnesota Twins and get to the Central (the only time they did that, they won the World Series. Hmm...) They went out and added Adam Dunn to a lineup that could already rake, and the hope is that he'll replace the loss of Jim Thome. The Sox also rebuilt their bullpen, getting rid of Bobby Jenks and adding Jesse Crain. They'll be in the mix to dethrone the Twins.
3. Detroit Tigers (81-81, 3rd AL Central)
Young team had it's struggles last season, especially when Magglio Ordonez went down. Again, too many question marks with this team. Will Miguel Cabrera stay sober? Can Victor Martinez hit for power at spacious Comerica? Will the young rotation continue to develop? All of these will impact what the Tigers can do.
4. Cleveland Indians (69-93, 4th AL Central)
There's not much hope in Cleveland sports...ever. Shin Soo-Choo may be their best player and that's saying something. The rotation has no signs of life, and Grady Sizemore may never be the same player again. This team is on the way down.
5. Kansas City Royals (67-95, 5th AL Central)
In 2001, the Twins were in a similar situation. They had a bunch of prospects playing in the majors and didn't perform well for the past...decade. They came up with an ad campaign called "Get To Know Em" and we all see the state of the Twins now. Fast forward to the 2011 Royals. They haven't arrived yet, but pieces are coming. In Baseball America's top 100 prospects, five of them are in the Royals system. Guys like Mike Moustakas and Eric Hosmer should be up by the end of the year, and the Royals even have pitching prospects like Mike Montgomery. Come 2013, the Royals may be the Twins biggest rival.

AMERICAN LEAGUE WEST
1. Texas Rangers (90-72, 1st AL West, Lost in World Series to SF)
Yeah, they lost Cliff Lee, but is there anyone in the division that can challenge them? I'm skeptical about Adrian Beltre after one AL West team gave him a massive contract and he did nothing for them, but their pitching is still very good even without Cliff Lee. I feel that Ron Washington is in the same mold as Ron Gardenhire as he can take a team without elite talent and get them to overachieve. Perfect guy for the job.
2. Oakland Athletics (81-81, 2nd AL West)
More pitching by the Bay. Brett Anderson and Trevor Cahill leads a very good pitching staff, but the offense has to keep up. Too many times last year the A's struggled to score runs, and that might be the case again this season, but their pitching will lead them to pick up some wins.
3. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (80-82, 3rd AL West)
Mike Soscia is one of the best managers in baseball, but he doesn't have the talent he needs to win this weak division. The Angels lost out on Carl Crawford, so they decided to try giving Vernon Wells a spot in center field. All of this is very interesting, because they own one of the best prospects in baseball, Mike Trout. When Trout comes up, he could wind up being the face of the franchise, but as of right now, the Angels are a mediocre team.
4. Seattle Mariners (61-101, 4th AL West)
They have a long way to go to clean up their mess from last season. Felix Hernandez is still there, and he's really good...as is Ichiro, but I can't help but wonder if the Mariners need to do a Houston Astros style cleanup to get back to prominence.

AWARD PICKS
AL MVP - Adrian Gonzalez (1B - BOS)
AL Cy Young - Jon Lester (BOS)
AL Rookie of The Year - Mike Trout (LAA...IF he comes up before June)
AL Comeback Player of The Year - Justin Morneau (1B - MIN)
AL Manager of the Year - Ron Washington (TEX)
AL Wild Card - New York Yankees
NL MVP - Albert Pujols (1B - STL; Contract year, folks)
NL Cy Young - Cliff Lee (PHI)
NL Rookie of The Year - Freddie Freeman (ATL)
NL Comeback Player of the Year - Wow, dug myself a ditch here...
NL Manager of the Year - Ron Roenicke (MIL)
NL Wild Card - Cincinnati Reds

PLAYOFF PICKS
ALDS Series 1: New York Yankees d. Minnesota Twins in three games
ALDS Series 2: Boston Red Sox d. Texas Rangers in four games
NLDS Series 1: San Francisco Giants d. Milwaukee Brewers in four games
NLDS Series 2: Philadelphia Phillies d. Cincinnati Reds in four games

ALCS: Red Sox d. Yankees in five games
NLCS: Phillies d. Giants in seven games

World Series: Philadelphia Phillies over Boston Red Sox in six games...now go to Vegas!

Wrestlemania Preview Part 2

This post is a continuation of a preview of Wrestlemania 27, which will take place next Sunday in Atlanta, Georgia.

Jerry "The King" Lawler vs. Michael Cole (Special Guest Referee: Stone Cold Steve Austin)

As a broadcaster, there are times where you just want to kick the snot out of your broadcast guy for stepping on a call, hanging you out to dry, or not talking at all. I've been blessed to have some great people to work with in my broadcast career, but there are those moments and it's socially unacceptable to turn around and bash your partner with a headset...until now.

Broadcast partners will collide when Michael Cole faces off against Jerry "The King" Lawler at Wrestlemania and while the bit has gotten a little bit jaded, there are some important developments.

The first is that the WWE is trying to create another evil authoritative figure. During the attitude era, they took a broadcaster and made him the biggest heel in WWE history. Say hello to the evil Mr. McMahon and we all know what happened there. The Boss vs. Employee fued between Stone Cold and McMahon trampled the WWE and introduced a ton of fans, including myself, into the Attitude era.

This one won't be as significant, but I like what they are doing with Cole. For a long time, a lot of fans have trashed Michael Cole for his awful play-by-play commentary (which may be a bi-product of following Jim Ross) and fake enthusiasm. So, why not run with it and have the fans hate him more?

With his monotonus "AND I QUOTE!" and the "Fortress of aptitude" he now broadcasts from, I'm actually liking what they're doing with Cole. However, then there is the bit.

This has been building since November. King and Cole have been verbally brawling since then and having Cole come out every week and slam King on a weekly basis to have King act like "I want to hit you, but I can't." is getting kind of old. However, the bottom line is that it will be nice to see Cole get his face smashed in.

Did I say bottom line? Oh yeah, Stone Cold Steve Austin will be the special guest referee in this match, and while a lot of fans are excited to see Austin it's kind of a token appearance.

Think about it, the WWE can't have him talk, because they would lose his PG rating. No middle fingers, yeah drinking beer is OK, but he really can't do anything that made him famous. At least Austin hit a pair of Stunners on John Bradshaw Layfield a couple weeks ago, but he's going to show up a couple times, probably stunner Jack Swagger and Michael Cole (!!!) and ride off into the sunset.

I am intrigued by Austin's upcoming appearance on the reboot of Tough Enough (which begins next week after Raw), but I just can't get up for Austin reffing a match.

The last aspect in this match is the enigma of Jack Swagger. How can you market this guy? The guy has talent, but he doesn't have charisma. Yeah, they call him the All-American American (and for whatever reason they added an American after that?), but he does nothing to embrace that stature. Plus, I get the feeling that they stuck Kurt Angle in a copy machine and hoped that Swagger would come out. Not going to happen.

Angle was the original American Hero, and was one of a kind. An olympic wrestler who had enough brains to work the mic and entertain people? Very hard to find.

None of this is anything against Swagger, but the WWE marketing department needs to find this guy a bit people can get behind. Simple as that.

Rey Mysterio vs. "Dashing" Cody Rhodes

I'll be honest, I really don't have much to say about this match.

I think it's crazy that Rey Mysterio is still wrestling and in great shape. I remember watching him in fourth grade and having him be one of my favorite wrestlers. I do get jaded of the "Ultimate Underdog" bit, but Mysterio is one of those guys who you know should give you a solid match in a show.

Plus, I'm trying to figure out which movie Mysterio will use in his outfit this year. (I told you there wasn't much to talk about here.) Two years ago, Mysterio looked like the Joker from The Dark Knight. Last year he looked like an Avatar. What happens this year? I can't think of anything except for the Minion from Despicable Me, and that wouldn't be that great.

In the other corner, it's a progress for Cody Rhodes to become a top flight Superstar. Rhodes mentioned in one of his recent promos that he wanted to win the World Heavyweight Championship. It could mean he will be in line for a push after Sunday, but it's been interesting to see the opposite paths that the two "Legacy" members have taken.

Ted DiBiase Jr. will not be part of Wrestlemania last year. He was in a triple threat match with Rhodes and Randy Orton last year, but he has been shockingly underutilized in the past year, being reduced by squash matches and being Pedigreed through an announce table last Monday. DiBiase is a guy with some talent who should be pushed more especially when other guys are getting that push that DiBiase is not. Food for thought.

As for the match, it should be solid. Both are decent in ring performers and shouldn't provide one of those "I'm gonna take a leak, this guy sucks!" moments.

Wrestlemania Preview Part 1

There are many things that I miss about not having a radio show. I can bet that my roomates are pretty sick and tired of me ranting around the house and, even worse, stopping mid-argument to say "Let me hit my music" before 30 seconds of anger.

It's quite the dilemma. The radio show was always my place to blow off steam and hopefully entertain someone with the things that were going on in my life. I know that someday I'll be back on the air ranting about my passions, but there is one show in particular that I miss at the moment.

The Thursday before Wrestlemania, I would have a group of people come in and discuss the state of wrestling and go through a match-by-match preview of the upcoming "Super Bowl of Wrestling."

I'm aware that people don't care for wrestling, but I do. Unlike the Super Bowl, there will be no Aaron Rodgers parading around with a fake championship belt, we got the real thing! As a matter of fact, we have two of them and they're both on the line. What do you think of that, John Deere Cult?

I would love to see Clay Matthews run down to that ramp, drink some Muscle Milk like that's supposed to impress somebody, and then see what The Rock does best: Layeth the Smacketh Down on his monkey ass!

But anyways, for every Steve Linzmeier, who's very vocal in his disdain for professional wrestling, there are some people who realize that people are passionate about the subject and are entertained, even if it's "These guys are such losers!"

So with that, I've decided to have a series of blog posts heading into Wrestlemania 27 which will take place next Sunday in Atlanta, Georgia. In each post, I will give my thoughts on a match and maybe some concerns about the state of the WWE related to said match. For those of you not familiar, here is the current card for Wrestlemania as of March 27.

WWE Championship: The Miz (c) vs. John Cena
World Heavyweight Championship: Edge (c) vs. Alberto Del Rio
The Undertaker vs. Triple H
Randy Orton vs. CM Punk
Jerry "The King" Lawler vs. Michael Cole (Guest Ref: Stone Cold Steve Austin)
Rey Mysterio vs. "Dashing" Cody Rhodes
John Morrison, Trish Stratus, and Snooki vs. Dolph Ziggler and Lay-Cool
United States Championship: Sheamus (c) vs. Daniel Bryan
Wrestlemania Guest Host: The Rock

To start the series off, we'll take a look at what looks to be the worst match on the card. John Morrison, Trish Stratus, and Snooki vs. Dolph Ziggler and Lay-Cool.

There are several pet peeves I have with this match. The first is the handcuffing of Morrison and Ziggler (Mostly in Morrison's case).

With the WWE in complete turnover mode, they continue to look for new superstars to market and have the fans get behind. In the wrestling business, they call it "getting over". In my opinion, I feel that John Morrison has been one of the superstars getting the shaft for a long time.

Morrison is one of the most exciting superstars in the WWE to watch. It seems like at every pay-per-view he has at least one stunt that has you saying "Holy @#$%!"He's decent with promos, and he usually has the talent to have a great match with anyone. However, the WWE still holds him down. It's almost a situation similar to what happened with Edge.

Edge today is one of the greatest superstars in WWE history, but he too was held down while other people got their opportunities. It wasn't until Wrestlemania 24 that Edge was in a championship match at WM, and before then it seemed like, even though he was one of the top heels in the business, Vince McMahon and the booking comittee didn't think that he was ready for the spotlight.

It took a breakthrough Hardcore match against Mick Foley for McMahon to see that this guy could really have a great match at the biggest stage in sports entertainment, and as we all know, he took off from there. I feel like the same thing is coming with Morrison.

What's frustrating is that guys other than Morrison are getting the opportunities in championship matches. Ziggler recently had a fued with Edge. Jack Swagger, the unmarketable superstar, even held the belt for a month or two last year before the WWE realized its mistake. And Morrison's former tag partner, The Miz even got to hold the belt for a while.

The bottom line is that Morrison and Ziggler simply deserve better. Why didn't the WWE just have those two guys face off in what could be a very good contest? That blows my mind as of right now.

However, on the other side of things, there are the Divas. Remember when the Diva matches were somewhat entertaining? Don't get me wrong, some of the Divas are very good to look at, and with Trish and Layla in this match, we're going to see a ton of asscrack, but in reality, despite the view, I can't be entertained by this.

I know what you're thinking. "How can you not be entertained with scantily clad women running around?" The answer is because every match is the absolute same.

This can be called the "Diva Match Formula." These beauties come out to the ring, bounce around for 3 minutes, botch a couple of moves, shriek annoyingly, and then someone wins via rollup.

Remember when there was Mickie James, Trish Stratus, and several other Divas who were good looking AND could wrestle to some capacity? At the very least, it made their matches not "time to take a leak."

Will they ever get back to some entertainment value? Probably not. The WWE makes its money by pushing male superstars, so until then we'll just see them flop around for three minutes, which of course isn't bad to look at by any means.

Finally, there is the matter of the Crispy Tan Mammoth from Jersey Shore, Snooki being involved in a match at Wrestlemania. Hey, remember when cool celebrities wanted to do stuff for Wrestlemania? Now we have this.

Tell me, why is "going to Wrestlemania" a big deal when someone like Snooki is going. In reality, it would seriously demean the importance of winning the Royal Rumble.

"Yeah, I'm not going to be in the main event, but I'm right up there with Snooki."

Hmm. I suppose that The Rock does bring some of that "celebrity" feel to Wrestlemania where Snooki is lacking, but really? Why couldn't they just throw another Diva into this or...GASP...have a Diva's Championship match! Yeah, people would just go get a beer, but this match has the feel of a lunch from Taco Bell. It's weighing everyone down.

So there you have it, part one is in the books. Keep checking the blog for more commentary on Wrestlemania 27 throughout the rest of the week!

The Minnesota Twins Drinking Game

Just sitting around the TV and drinking beer for a Minnesota Twins game is boring. Yeah, Bert Blyleven's slurring of words gets funnier as the game goes on, but in all reality the slow pace of taking a drink whenever just gets old. You need to get in a rhythm.

And that's why with 6 days until the Twins open up the 2011 season in Toronto, I am going to let you guys in on a little secret called: The Minnesota Twins Drinking Game.

Here's how it works...

- For every batter, you take a drink no matter what

- For every base the batter gains, you drink that number of bases
Example: Denard Span draws a walk, you take one drink.

-For every run driven in that the batter gains, you take that number of drinks
Example: Yoshi hits a double and Span scores from first, you take three drinks.

- If the batter strikes out, you take a drink...unless he strikes out looking...then it's two.

- Drink two for a double play

It sounds simple enough, but then the tricky part is the special situations throughout the game that really gets to you...

- Every time Bert circles someone, take a drink.

- Every time Bert butchers a name, take a drink.

- Every time Bert says "at the major league level", take a drink.

- Every time Bert says "right here", take a drink.

- If Michael Cuddyer strikes out, double strikeout drinks.

- If Joe Mauer hits into a double play, drink four

- If Anthony Slama comes into the game, you must "Slama" your drink.

- And of course, if the Twins win, you must finish your drink.

Try this once, if you're not obliterated by the fifth inning, you're not doing it right (or the Twins are getting shut out)

State of Horse@#$%

I'd like to clarify something before I start. This is not a whiny piece of how awful Minnesota sports are, this is just a collective thought on how bad everyone is. With that...

When the Minnesota Wild were first born in 2000, they needed a new marketing slogan that would unify it's fan base. In a move that would rival "WWE Universe" as the corniest name for it's fans ever, the Wild chose the "State of Hockey" because of the tradition that Minnesota has with the game. (Need a break to projectile vomit into the toilet here...)

Ten years later, the self proclaimed STATE OF HOCKEY is in disarray. Not just because the Wild will miss the playoffs for the second consecutive year, but across the board, it looks like a big monkey crossed over from Wisconsin, took a crap and out popped the Minnesota professional and college teams.

First, we have the Minnesota Vikings. Oh, where do I begin with this mess? After a euphoric "I can't believe this is happening" season. The Vikings put together a miserable "I can't believe this is happening" season.

All the pieces were in place, and then all hell broke loose. Sidney Rice got hurt. Percy Harvin started having migranes. Jenn Sterger rammed her big fat booty right into Brett Favre's head. The Vikings tried a quick fix by bringing in Randy Moss...who was released three weeks later. The ownership became delusional in Brad Childress' ability to lead a football team. They got stomped by the Green Bay Packers twice, their stadium got deflated, and oh yeah...THE PACKERS WON THE SUPER BOWL!

Misery rating on a 1 to 10 scale? A 15 considering the Vikings had the talent to go to the Super Bowl and BOOM!

Well, at least there's college football...oh @#$%!

This wasn't as dissapointing as the Vikings were. The Gophers weren't supposed to be good, but Tim Brewster sold the team like they could go to the Rose Bowl...again.

A good take was made on the Common Man program that Tim Brewster didn't actually know how to coach, so he just watched movies and learned that way. When you think about it, that may be spot on. He sprang Remember the Titans style lines that instilled hope into "Gopher Nation" (also top 3 in lamest fan nicknames ever) only to have the team underachieve because he didn't know what he was doing.

U of M athletic director Joel Maturi fired Brewster after the Purdue game and promised a "Tubby Smith type hire" and fantasies started running through our heads.

Gary Patterson? Chris Petersen? Tony Dungy? Mike Leach? Nope. Jerry freakin' Kill.

Granted, he's looked a lot better since he sounds like a man with a plan compared to Brewster. Brewster could get top talent, but he could never develop them. Kill throws rankings in the garbage and develops his players. Plus, he has head coaching experience and duh...winning! (Kill has won in all of his stops as a head coach) The future may be slightly brighter at TCF Bank Stadium than some may think, but the general outlook is still dismal. Especially with an opener at USC coming up on the schedule.

So then we hit the ice for an intriguing season of Minnesota Wild hockey. Ugh...

The Wild hung in the playoff race for most of the season, so you have to give them that, but the overall state of...the organization is in complete chaos as their still paying for Doug Reisbrough's mistakes.

Riesbrough tried to trade Pierre Marc-Bouchard and couldn't, so he gave him a long term $4 million a year contract. Instead of filling holes through the minor league system, Reisbrough dealt the future away for guys like Pavol Demitra. (Worked for a season, and then...nothing) Most importantly, Reisbrough let Brian Rolston and Marian Gaborik walk away for nothing.

So when Chuck Fletcher inherited this salary cap mess, he inherited a team without a go-to scorer or any significant role players for that matter. Which is where we are today.

Yes, Fletcher has made mistakes, like the Cam Barker trade, but he's also made solid rookie finds and draft picks so far. We won't know about Mikael Granlund til next year, but he's doing well in Sweden. Guys like Jared Spurgeon, Cody Almond, and Casey Wellman have all looked good in the system, and remember the name Jason Zucker, the Wild's second round pick last year. He currently leads the WCHA in goals for Denver...as a freshman.

Hope is here too, but it's still miserable.

And what about the winter sport in Minneapolis? (I need to vomit again.)

The Timberwolves have had one significant story this season: Kevin Love's double-double streak. Other than that, it's been quiet at the Target Center.

Love's emergence has been overshadowed by a 50-60 loss season and another upcoming screwjob in the NBA draft. (As of today, the Wolves should have the second most ping pong balls in the lottery, I bet they get fourth again.) Kurt Rambis may be fired, and there aren't any signs of things getting better in the near future.

You can point to the draft all you want, but while I think it's deeper than some people think, there is no real superstar to build your team around like a Kevin Durant or John Wall as there has been with the top pick in recent seasons.

Others have pointed to the arrival of Ricky Rubio. Not going to happen, folks. I was somewhat optimistic about it until Rubio discussed the possibility of staying in Spain another year in case of a lockout. In other words, Justin Bieber's twin brother said "I want no part of playing in Minnesota." I would be STUNNED if Rubio ever dons a Wolves jersey. Yes, the Wolves could trade his rights this offseason, but what in the club's recent past says that they won't screw this up? The outlook here is abysmal.

Then, we go back to Dinkytown. After the Wisconsin Badgers trip to the Rose Bowl, a song called "Teach Me How To Bucky" emerged. T-shirts popped up all over the place, and it was a pretty good bit. But of course Minnesota has to rebuttle....sigh.

Crank Dat Gopher Boy. Good. God. Almighty. There are a couple issues I have with this.

1) Minneapolis has some pretty talented rappers, and they couldn't reach out to one of them to help them put together something good?

2) So we're slamming the Badgers huh? Let's check the scorecard.

Football: Blown away at Camp Randall, Badgers get to Pasedena

Basketball: Gophers started well, but then Point Guard and Coach go psychotic and team goes 17-14 and misses the tournament...THE NIT TOURNAMENT!!! Meanwhile, the Badgers are in the Sweet 16.

Hockey: Swept by Badgers.

So in the sports that matter, we've been #lolraped by Wisconsin. AND WE'RE TALKING TRASH??? REALLY??? REALLY???

The one saving grace is that the Joel Maturi will be retiring in about 15 months. This can not come sooner, believe me.

And after all of this, as the snow melts aw...@#$%!!! Well, the Twins are coming soon. Yes, they've lost in the first round, and no another first round exit would not be acceptable.

BUT...at least the Twins have some hope. They have two superstars (Mauer, Morneau) who could carry the team, with some promising players on the horizon (Delmon Young, Kyle Gibson) who are in contention to win a championship each season. Even if it's a division championship, look at how long it's been since other teams have done it...

Vikings: 2009
Gopher Football: 1967
Wild: 2007-08
Timberwolves: 2003-04
Gopher Basketball: 1981-82
Gopher Hockey: 2006-07
Twins: 2010

When you look at it that way, it's not half bad.

Point is, I can't take this anymore. Everybody sucks. The state of Minnesota needs the Twins to give everyone a team that they can get behind and be proud of. Will they be able to do it? Nobody knows as it's only spring training, but as they say in baseball: Hope springs eternal in the Spring.