2010: The Year That Almost Was

As you may know, well, you wouldn't if you didn't have a calendar, but tomorrow is New Years Eve as we say goodbye to 2010, and hello to 2011.

One year ago from tomorrow night, I was sitting in a River Falls bar when the clock struck midnight, everyone kissed each other and I just sipped on my beer and watched the ball drop...well an hour late of course. That's when things got interesting.

A friend of mine, who shall remain nameless, came up and asked why I wasn't kissing anyone. I smiled and said it was no big deal and then...MWAH! (On the cheek folks...) "The Year of The Crishad" was on!

Personally, I had a great year. I met two of the best friends I'll ever have, I graduated from the University of Wisconsin-River Falls, and many other great things happened. But, if I continued to talk about that, you'd get really bored and probably wouldn't want to read the rest of this blog. From a sports standpoint, this was the year that almost was.

The Minnesota Vikings started the year by looking like they were going to end a magical season with a trip to the Super Bowl. All was well until the 2nd half of the NFC Championship game as the ball was thrown on the turf of the Superdome with wreckless abandon. Still, the Vikings had a chance to give Ryan Longwell a chance to win the game with a field goal. Instead, 12 men in the huddle was called, and then Brett Favre, although we didn't know it at the time, had the carriage turn back into a pumpkin, the horses turn back into mice, and the glass slipper turn into a shattered mess.

The Vikings window of opportunity had closed, but nobody knew it at the time. From there, the Vikings ran into Favre being the Favre they thought they would get in 2009, and a stubborn Sidney Rice opting not to have surgery until weeks before the season. Some say it was to get a new contract, but we'll never know the truth. Then there was Brett Favre's sexting scandal, the four week test run of Randy Moss, the firing of Brad Childress, the deflation of the dome, and the beginning of a lengthly rebuilding project.

But, as the Vikings season came to a screetching halt, the Minnesota Twins looked to have a lot of promise. They picked up veterans who would lead the team in 2010. Jim Thome was supposed to be a pinch hitter extraordinare, but instead, he cranked 25 home runs. Orlando Hudson had an off year, but was pretty stable defensively.

Yet, the season didn't quite go according to plan. Joe Nathan got hurt before he even threw a pitch and needed Tommy John surgery. The Twins used Jon Rauch and Matt Capps to cover up that, but then on July 7, Justin Morneau went down with a concussion, which because of previous concussions, caused him to miss the rest of the season. The Twins perservered and made it to the playoffs, but once again, they fell to the New York Yankees in the ALDS.

There was one thing that went right for the Twins though. Target Field opened its doors and the Twins played their first outdoor home game since the 1981 season (Ironically, the Vikings would follow suit later with having a home game moved to TCF Bank Stadium). The ballpark was stunning, and a whole new experience for Twins fans who had never seen an outdoor major league game. There were all sorts of food options, and a beautiful view of downtown Minneapolis. It was highly praised and was probably the biggest story of 2010.

This could also be the year the Timberwolves got off the mat so to speak. The summer was supposed to be filled with big free agent moves, but Rudy Gay decided to stay in Memphis, and David Lee decided, justifiably, to get overpaid in Golden State. So Khan had to opt for a plan B. After getting screwed over in the draft lottery again, he picked up Wes Johnson with the #4 pick, as he looked like he would be a solid player. Then, Kahn wheeled and dealed and picked up Michael Beasley for a pair of second round picks. Throw in the trade of Al Jefferson to Utah for picks and a trade exception, and the Wolves, with the emergence of Kevin Love, may have laid the foundation for a solid team in the future.

And there was more going on than just what was in Minnesota. Michael Vick had resurrected his career on the football field, but was still being judged for his dog ring sins. (Execution? Really?) LeBron James had a jester like showing in the playoffs, and then left town to join up with Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh in Miami. The World Cup was...the World Cup, I guess. And many things could happen going into the next year.

Most importantly though, my friends and family are all healthy and happy. I guess that's a good thing, but sports always keeps things interesting. So for those reading this, I'll just say that I hope you had a great 2010 and hopefully things will continue in 2011. Happy new year!

Baby, It's Cold Outside (But not cold enough to stop football)

Think of football. In the snow. Extreme conditions, snow flying everywhere with 90 mile an hour winds and a windchill that looks like my bank account from time to time.

The Frozen Tundra of Lambeau Field. Cold, cold, cold stuff!

However, in modern day 2010 (almost 2011), football players and fans have turned into pansies when it comes to the cold weather. Why do I say this?

As of 10:46 CST, the NFL was debating whether the Vikings/Eagles should be postponed to avoid a massive blizzard that could dump up to a foot of snow on the city of Philadelphia. Um, really?

What happened to the ice bowl? There were no heating coils or anything else in the field, and they went out and played. Remember Bud Grant? He wouldn't even let the Vikings have heaters on the sideline so they could focus more on the game.

Flash forward to last Monday night. Chris Kluwe whined, bitched, and moaned about the cold weather and how nobody wanted to play in it, and how hard the turf was at TCF Bank Stadium.

Sigh...IT'S FOOTBALL!!! It's meant to play outside! The toughness of these players is ridiculous. I'm all for making the game safer as Harvey Dent claims he wants to do (and yet he wants an 18 game season...), but seriously, handle the cold. Embrace the cold.

If you asked a majority of high school or college players, they would love to play in the cold, the snow, and whatever else was thrown at them. Sure, they'd rather play in Miami, but this is what's wrong with the NFL and it's fan.

I found it disgusting how many people didn't show up to the Viking game Sunday. I know they suck and "oh, waaaah! It's too cold! Waaaah!" But man up!

My uncle used to go to numberous games a year at Metropolitan Stadium and they dealt with it. They embraced it, while the Vikings looked like they needed a blankie last Sunday.

Bottom line, stop the madness. It's clear that the Vikings are cursed. Snow is going to follow them wherever they go, and Ford Field better look out because it might just collapse as soon as the Vikings fly into town.

Minnesota Vikings Report Card

So, we aren't going to the Super Bowl now?

The Minnesota Vikings fell to 5-9 on Monday night and they're most likely falling to 5-11 (Yes, Detroit will beat the Vikings in week 17. Restore the roar!). But it's just not fair.

I'm not asking for sympathy here, but this isn't how things were supposed to be. The window of opportunity wasn't supposed to close when Garrett Hartley sent the Saints to the Super Bowl. The Vikings were supposed to finally get to the Super Bowl for the first time in 35 years. Brett Favre was supposed to be carried off on his teammates shoulders while Brad Childress was cussing him out.

Of course, it didn't even come close. The season was over before it started, and now we're left to wonder what went wrong. Well, it's time to put this team under a microscope. In this post, I'll analyze and grade every position player the Vikings have along with the group.

(WARNING: THIS POST WILL CONTAIN SOME VULGAR LANGUAGE! If you are offended, simply don't read it. But I'll try not to go overboard.)

Quarterbacks:
Well, you don't have to take a look at many people here, as Brett Favre is the only legitimate guy to get a complete evaluation. Favre was supposed to be the missing piece in the operation, as if he came back...we were supposedly going to Dallas. Wrong...WRONG! Dallas was out of the question by the end of October, not January.

When you think about it, Favre was the distraction we all thought he would be in 2009. Favre once again skipped training camp and clashed with his head coach, but it was more than that. It was having pictures of his cash and prizes floating all over the internet. It was the will-he-or-won't-he-play storyline that finally ended...oh wait, he played last week. And it finally got into Favre's head on the field.

He threw 11 touchdowns and 19 interceptions. None of us expected him to repeat the 34 and 7 performance from '09, but the writing should have been on the wall. The schedule was tougher, and the Vikings did nothing to address the offensive line that was finally exposed in the NFC Championship game last year. This all lead to Favre's reduced performance.

In other QB news, Tarvaris Jackson learned nothing after watching Favre for two seasons, and Joe Webb is too raw to evaluate at this point.

Brett Favre: C-
Tarvaris Jackson: F
Joe Webb: Incomplete

RUNNING BACKS

Adrian Peterson continued to be one of the best backs in the National Football League. Aside from missing last week's game (which KILLED fantasy owners across the country), Peterson continues to be a reliable force. With all the struggles that the offensive line has had this year, Peterson still has put together a solid statistical season, and figures to be an integral part of the Viking offense for years to come. (If they sign him to a contract extension this offseason.)

Other than Peterson, it was pretty dismal. The Vikings could not find a third down back, which is partially Peterson's part. Toby Gehart is a solid runner, but his style is too similar to Adrian Peterson's to give the Vikings the thunder and lightning combo they want. (Javid Best would have looked decent in purple.) Albert Young didn't do much, and Lorenzo Booker has been here for two weeks.

Adrian Peterson: B+
Toby Gerhart: C
Albert Young: F

WIDE RECEIVERS

This group was in trouble from the get go. Sidney Rice decided not to get hip surgery until August and missed most of the season. When he finally got here, the season was already doomed and Sidney did his best with a quarterback who couldn't keep upright long enough to get him the football. The latter is not his fault, but if Sid gets the surgery earlier, the season probably is different.

The one receiver to talk about is Percy Harvin. Harvin has blossomed into an elite impact player in the NFL IF he can keep his migraines in check. It's getting pretty annoying to see him get relapse after relapse and have the Vikings claim they have a way to stop it. Harvin, like Peterson, is a guy the Vikings must hang on to for continued success.

The rest of the group was garbage. I'm throwing Visthante Shiancoe into the mix because he is a pass catching tight end. He did nothing. Randy Moss did nothing but bitch about the post-practice meals. Hank Baskett was...here? For a team with plenty of weapons, this was a mess.

Sidney Rice: C
Percy Harvin: A
Everyone else: F

OFFENSIVE LINE

Where do I begin? Well let's work our way from left to right...

Bryant McKinnie. To quote The Rock "It looks like a big monkey came down, took a crap, and out popped Bryant McKinnie." It was like watching dog shit try and protect Brett Favre. Sometimes the shit would get stepped in and the players would slip and fall, but most of the time, the defensive lineman whizzed right past it and beat the living hell out of Favre. This is the #1 guy who needs to be let go next season.

Steve Hutchinson. Well, I guess you don't want to hear anything about your offensive lineman, and since you didn't about Hutchinson, he probably did his job. But when you're surrounded by four other jobbers, you aren't going to stand out in any group projects.

John Sullivan. And I thought Matt Birk was arrogant. After a game against Detroit, Sullivan said that he thought they did a good job protecting Brett Favre after he was sacked seven...SEVEN times and bounced off the turf much more. Injuries may have had something to do with it, but he also needs to be replaced.

Anthony Herrera. Oh my God. Get rid of him.

Phil Loadholt. Horrible sophomore slump. He was at least OK in '09, but what the hell happened. I still have a little faith in him and think he'll bounce back, but I might be optimistic.

Bryant McKinnie: F
Steve Hutchinson: B
John Sullivan: F
Anthony Herrera: F
Phil Loadholt: F

DEFENSIVE LINE

This unit, like most of the defense, got old very quickly. They didn't seem to have that initial jump that they had in '09 and a lot of that can be contributed to the dissapearing act of Jared Allen. The league decided to start fining him for the calf roping celebration, but instead of modifying it, Allen decided to scrap it all together, by not getting sacks at all.

Ray Edwards, perhaps angered by the absence of a new contract, didn't play the same way he did in '09 when he was considered to be a rising star.

Kevin and Pat Williams were unnoticable. This might have to do with the guys playing outside of them not playing up to their capabilities.

Jared Allen: F (The Vikings aren't paying him for seasons like this...)
Pat Williams: C
Kevin Williams: C
Ray Edwards: F

LINEBACKERS

This might be the best unit on the Vikings. Chad Greenway is going to get paid somewhere and hopefully the Vikings dish out some dough. E.J. Henderson had an excellent year considering he had his leg crushed like a slinky to end his season last year. Ben Leber, was...Leber. Unspectacular, but surprisingly solid. Will be a nice free agent pickup for someone next offseason.

Chad Greenway: A-
EJ Henderson: A (Lower curve because of the injury he had last season)
Ben Leber: C+

SECONDARY

Ugh. Injuries don't help the secondary here, and Cedric Griffin's career may be over as he is now recovering from two blown knees. Antoine Winfield has been solid, but not spectacular this season, and his performance is similar to Steve Hutchinson's. Yeah, he was probably doing a great job, but the overall product makes his grade suffer. Chris Cook spent too much time partying to be effective, and and the safeties...oh my God the safties.

Hussein Abdullah is not a starting safety in the NFL. And Madieu Williams is the Bryant McKinnie of defense. It makes me sad that the Vikings still owe Williams three seasons of contract because he should be cut ASAP. It seems sick, but I'm glad he got a concussion last night.

Antoine Winfield: B
Lito Sheppard: F
Chris Cook: D
Madieu Williams: F
Hussein Abdullah: C

SPECIAL TEAMS

Maybe better than the linebackers. Both Ryan Longwell and Chris Kluwe made the kicks they needed to make. Kluwe has shanked a couple kicks, but what punter hasn't shanked a couple during a season. A good job from those two.

Ryan Longwell: A
Chris Kluwe: A-

COACHING

I think everyone knows how I feel about Brad Childress, but Leslie Frasier intrigues me. The Vikings might be wise to hire Frasier and give him a shot, especially with the CBA becoming expired in March. The only thing that may give him a negative mark is him caving into Brett Favre on Monday night.

Brad Childress: F
Leslie Frasier: Incomplete

Fear The Beer?

Minnesotans don't have much to brag about when it comes to their rivalry with Wisconsinites. In football, the Green Bay Packers are set up for multiple successful seasons, while the Vikings don't even have a stadium. The Milwaukee Bucks have an explosive, young team, while the Timberwolves are just young. College football is a route, and hopefully college basketball can slightly favor the Gophers.

But there is one thing that Minnesotans can hold high and proud over Wisconsinites: The Minnesota Twins have been better than the Milwaukee Brewers. That's something the Brewers are clearly looking to change.

Throughout their history, the Brewers have been happy to be that scrappy team, very similar to the Minnesota Twins without the playoff appearances. Last year, they weren't even close.

Their offense was very good, as three players recorded over 100 runs batted in for the first team in team history, and that was with Prince Fielder having an off year. However, the pitching left something to be desired outside of Yovanni Gallardo. That's been a bit of a problem for the Brewers since their recent resurgence.

So the Brewers actually turned around and did something about it. The Brewers made a solid move acquiring Shawn Marcum for prospect 2B Brent Lawrie. Then came the big news today.

The Brewers acquired Zack Greinke for Alcides Escobar, Lorenzo Cain, and two minor league pitchers.

I can not applaud the ownership of the Brewers enough for making this move. The Brewers are sick of losing games by a score of 9-8 and they turned around and did something about it. Which makes me think of my baseball team.

The Minnesota Twins always claim that they want to get past the first round of the playoffs, however they never act like it during the offseason. Yes, they wanted and needed to get faster. To an extent, they did that with the addition of Tsyoshi Nishioka and the assumed move of Michael Cuddyer from first base to right field. But still, they lack a legitimate ace, and with the Royals looking for adequate major league ready middle infielders, why didn't the Twins package Trevor Plouffe and Luke Hughes to get the ace they need. (All of this could have been squelched with the refusal by the Royals to deal Grienke in the division.)

The Pohlads need to man up and improve this team. The Twins didn't lose to the Yankees because of injuries or a freak occurence of the Yankees coming back in three straight games. They lost because of the unwillingness to improve their team, and the thought by their manager that Nick Punto needs to be on this team to go anywhere.

For once, the Brewers could be on the right path while the Twins may be headed for a long summer.

Breathing Life Into A New Vikings Stadium

The big inflatable toilet took a turn for the worse on Saturday evening as 17 inches of snow dumped over the Twin Cities area.

The Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome, former home of the Minnesota Twins and current home of the Minnesota Vikings, deflated as Mother Nature took a huge dump on it's roof tearing holes and giving the blue seats inside of the dome it's first view of the sun since 1983. That would have been great...had the stadium had a retractable roof.

Much like the other teams that had made the Metrodome its home, the Vikings have found that although it is functional, it's falling apart. Both the Twins and the University of Minnesota have new homes and have moved out as both got their public funding approved in the same legislation session.

The Vikings were left out of that, and the Minnesota legislature is under pressure to make that happen. A lot of the public has made their disdain for a new Viking stadium public, mainly because it would use taxpayer money to fund a private business. Well, I have a problem with that.

A new Viking stadium would bring many things to the table. The most relevant on this day is the safety issues that are starting to arise at the Metrodome. Apparently, staff workers were on top of the dome roof on Saturday night pouring steam and hot water on top of it to melt the piling snow. Remember, this was during a blizzard. They took the workers down, and as the pressure mounted, the roof finally gave way at about 5 am CST. What if the game continued to be scheduled at noon and BOOM! There goes the roof! The video of the collapse showed speakers swinging wildly and snow pouring in from every angle. If 64,000 people were crammed in there at the time of collapse, how bad would it have gotten.

Also, the tight concourses at the Metrodome pose another hazard. Had this happened during a game, people would have been running for their life through an incredibly tight concourse. If you've been to a game at the Dome, you know what I mean.

But people who do not go to Viking games are still screaming "What does this do for me?"

Football stadiums are probably the most important type of stadiums to improve the economy and make a metropolis area a place to be. Look at the new addition of Target Field in downtown Minneapolis. Many businesses have seen an uptick in business thanks to 81 home dates a year. People go downtown to what is a beautiful ballpark and they spend money at bars, restaurants, etc.

It also enhances the look of the downtown area. Next time you drive by the Dome, when it's inflated of course, look at how ugly the big slab of concrete and teflon looks against the Minneapolis skyline. Then follow I-94 a little bit further and see how beautiful Target Field looks against the same skyline. It makes a pretty big difference.

A new stadium would also bring many different events that could not be hosted in the Metrodome or any other sporting venue. For example, the Super Bowl requires that there must be a seating capacity of 70,000 to be considered. The Dome holds 64,000. The NCAA has similar requirements for the Final Four. Both events would bring big bucks to the Twin Cities Area.

"But why do I have to pay for something I'll never use?"

Why did many Minnesotans have to pay for the Guthrie with public funding? How is professional sports different from a performing art. Last time I checked, the athletes in the game are performing for many people around the world. Unless I find a really hot date that wants to go, odds are that I will never set foot in the Guthrie, but it makes the Twin Cities a better place, which is what the new stadium would do.

If you are still dead set against this stadium, I have one smug, arrogant jab to offer: It's going to happen. If not now, in 10 years.

If the Vikings move to Los Angeles, there will be a huge void in the Twin Cities area, especially among sports fans. They'll want a hometown football team to cheer for. They'll talk to their representative who builds a task force to "Bring Football Back To Minnesota." They'll wind up getting an expansion team and will build the stadium that would have kept the old team (and their tradition) there.

Think I'm wrong? Well, the Minnesota Wild would have something to say about that...

How Brett Favre Will Return For The 2011 Season

We've heard Brett Favre repeatedly mention that the 2010 season will be his 20th and last season. Well, season #20 has not gone well for the ageless wonder, as he is zeroing in on 20 interceptions and now has a gruesome shoulder injury, which somehow might not keep him out of the Vikings game against the New York Giants on Sunday.

This season alone, Favre has derailed a locker room, hucked up mind-blowing interceptions, reverted back to bad Favre after a pro-bowl season last year, had pictures of his cash and prizes shown all over the internet, and suffered a broken ankle and separated shoulder which won't deny him of his obvious quest for 300 straight starts. After all this, you have to believe Favre right?

Or maybe not...

You see, there is a way that Favre can come back, but it's about as stupid as that McDonalds commercial for carmel mochas. (These people are way too excited for their frickin' coffee.) But, dream it.

Favre's body is a wreck and he probably will need a giant stretcher to get around from point A to point B when he goes back to Hattiesburg for the offseason. He'll retire because his body is being held together by duct tape, but then June will come around. Here comes that itch to scratch...

Favre walks into Dr. James Andrews' office, who has performed the surgeries that have gotten Favre ready to play the past two seasons and says, "Hey, I'm beat to shit. But I was watching this movie last night and it gave me a really great idea for how I can get ready for this season." Andrews reluctantly goes with the surgery, which can be seen here.


Yes, Darth Favre will be born (or Favre Vader...whichever you prefer.).

Favre will study The Force over the season and will have an obvious advantage over quarterbacks. I'm talking about deflecting passes with his mind to avoid interceptions, randomly showing up in the endzone for a touchdown, and my personal favorite...

Packer fans love Clay Matthews don't they? They call him "Predator" and it's just a cozy relationship. So when he goes after Darth Favre, how good will he be when he's EVAPORATED BY THE FORCE???

Darth Favre could even get labor peace. When DeMaurice Smith and Roger Goodell are throwing money around like Pac Man Jones at a strip club, how awesome would it be if Favre did this and screamed "I'M GOING TO PLAY DAMMIT!!!"

I mean, things could really get crazy. What if Aaron Rodgers learns The Force himself and there winds up being a massive light saber fight at the 50 yard line of Lambeau Field for the fate of the galaxy?

Yes, this all sounds far fetched, but come on. We've been fooled by Favre before...

Killer Move or Killer Bust

I can't tell you all how many titles I could have used for this blog post. Killer Instinct, In For The Kill, Teach Me How To Kill, etc. However, there may be one universal saying that all Gopher fans can say right now...

"Who the hell is that???"

For the second time in the past five years, Gopher fans know nothing about the guy who was just hired as the head coach of the football program. Well, let's get that out of the way...

Jerry Kill has been at Northern Illinois for the past three seasons where he went 23-16 for the Huskies. Last season, he went 10-3 and lead the Huskies to a top 25 ranking. Before that Kill posted winning records at several FCS schools. He has been a head coach for 16 seasons.

Ok, so why is he at Minnesota?

Well, first off all, Minnesota athletic director Joel Maturi made a mistake by saying that he wanted to make a "Tubby Smith type hire" when replacing Tim Brewster. That made Gopher fans drool about names that were unrealistic in their coaching search. Yes, there were coaches available who were "big names", but that brings me to my next point.

University of Minnesota football is not an attractive job at the moment...

First, the university is changing presidents who, like a coaching staff, will want his own guy in there. I'm thinking that the president of the university made this decision rather than Maturi himself.

Second, the U of M has a shrinking athletic budget. They didn't have a lot of money to make a big name come to Minnesota. So if you were hoping for Chris Petersen (Boise State), Gary Patterson (TCU), or Brady Hoke (San Diego State), be aware that there were big buyouts associated with all three.

Finally, the Gophers have no recent success or tradition to speak of to make the job attractive. Yes, they have a giant stadium (which is REALLY nice, by the way.), but the product that plays in it hasn't produced a coach with a winning record since Murray Warmath left in 1971 with a 97-84-10 record. So that means that the Gophers couldn't even make Lou Holtz a winning head coach. Ouch.

Yes, the Gophers have won 18 Big Ten Championships, but the last came in 1967. The fan base is incredibly dormant. (Does anybody under the age of 80 know what SKI-U-MAH means?) The stadium they play in is half empty on Saturdays...and I could go on for a while.

All of this means a lot, but when you look at it, Kill does fit the description of the anti-Brewster, which is what Maturi wanted to hire.

1) As I mentioned before, Maturi wanted to hire a guy who had experience at the D-I level. When Brewster came on board a couple seasons ago, he had no previous head coaching experience and hadn't even been a coordinator. Kill, meanwhile, has been a head coach for 16 years coming into his new job.

2) Kill brings stability to the program, which it hasn't had in a very long time. Remember that Brewster had changed coaches almost annually, especially at the coordinator level. Kill's assistants have stayed with him for most of his coaching adventure. It's not known whether they will join him at Minnesota, but I think it's a good possibility.

3) Kill is a rebuilder. In all of his stops, Kill has rebuilt a program. His most recent stop, Northern Illinois was supposed to be on the decline. He wound up going 6-7, 7-6, and 10-3. Not terrible for a guy that has a lower level of talent. Well, supposedly.

Look, it's not a big name, but patience will be required. Kill has a solid team coming back next year as the Gophers don't lose much on either side of the football. Players should improve, and maybe those two wins at the end of the season will provide some sort of momentum. We'll see what he can do. Brewster did put some talent on this team and maybe Kill can trot the Gophers out and pick up that first win of the season in his debut!

Oh wait...they play at USC. Well, maybe the next week!

LeBitch Returns to Cleveland

Tomorrow, LeBro...I'm sorry...LeBitch James will make his long awaited return to Cleveland, and it's going to make for some damn good television.

We all know what James did last summer, when he had several NBA teams ride in on horses and wearing knight suits courting "The King's" services. However, when the smoke had cleared, not only had he left the Cleveland Cavaliers, he did it with a one hour special on ESPN to really turn the dagger in the heart of Cleveland sports fans.

Now, I am nowhere near an advocate for Cleveland sports, but they've had a lot to deal with in the sports world. A lot of people whine about Minnesota, but at least the Twins have won two World Series to salvage something. Cleveland has not won a major sports championship since the 1950's.

They've had a couple of great players, but none were able to lead Cleveland to the promised land. However, none of them left before they needed to...and then came LeBitch.

I'm not going to blame them for making "The Q" a complete riot zone tomorrow night. Hell, if Joe Mauer had left the Twins, we'd be ready to tear down Target Field. For this momentus occasion, the Cleveland faithful has been circulating a document around the internet. I was fortunate enough to hear about this on 93x this morning, and here's what the document said. (Sorry, I can't find a link to post it. Bear with me...)

Throughout the game: Laugh at LeBron as loud as you can when he is announced.

For example, the starting lineups...
Boo Dwayne Wade
Boo Chris Bosh
Boo Carlos Arroyo
Cheer Zydrunas Illgauskas (They still love him in CLE apparently...)
Laugh at James

When LeBron has the ball or is shooting free throws during these times...
12:00-6:00 in the first quarter: NO-RING-KING!! NO-RING-KING

6:00 to end of first quarter: Ak-Ron Hates-You (clap-clap-clap-clap-clap)

12:00 to 6:00 in 2nd quarter: WITNESSED NOTHING!!! (clap-clap-clap-clap-clap)

6:00 to halftime: Siiiiide-kick! Siiiiiide-kick!

Start of third quarter (My personal favorite, this is sung to My Country Tis of Thee):
Our king he betrayed thee!
Couldn't play any D!
HE HAS NO RING!
Playoffs he barely tried!
Embarrassed Akron's pride!
No doubt he really lied!
HE HAS NO RING!!!

12:00 to 6:00 in 3rd quarter: Scott-ie Pip-pen! (clap-clap-clap-clap-clap!)

6:00 to end of 3rd quarter: Traiiii-tor! Traiii-tor!

12:00 to 6:00 of 4th quarter: De-Lon-Te! De-Lon-Te! (For those of you who may not know, Delonte West, who plays for the Boston Celtics and qualifies for the ugliest man on the history of the earth, allegedly had sex with Gloria James, LeBitch's mom.)

Rest of game: Cleveland Rocks! Cleveland Rocks!!!

Some people may feel that these people need a life, but I think this is awesome. This is a NBA game I actually care about before April. This is going to be intense. A crazy man may run onto the court and may try to give LeBitch the F-U John Cena style. Should be interesting.

Week 11 Preview

If you've been reading this blog recently, you will see that I quoted Bill Simmons and his "Law of Gus" which means the game is in for an incredibly exciting ending or something close to it.

For example, Gus Johnson called the Houston-Jacksonville matchup which was ranked at three stars last week by yours truly. Of course, the game ended in a Hail Mary to Mike Thomas and helped me log the luckiest fantasy week ever.

On a sidenote, about that. Thomas had a solid game (10) before the 11-point Hail Mary touchdown (21) pushed it to a monster game. Fred Jackson saw his carries expand after C.J. "Fantasy Team Killer" Spiller hurt his hamstring. He scored 28, 20 above his fantasy average. And then there was Michael Vick. 42 POINTS!!! To show just how ridiculous his fantasy impact was last week, I entered the game with Vick and DeSean Jackson against LeSean McCoy down 19 points. One 88 yard touchdown later and I was tied with my opponent...FOUR SECONDS INTO THE GAME!!! Mix in the fact that a 58 point lead in an ESPN.com standard fantasy league, and Vick has to be one of the most dangerous players in fantasy football. But I digress...

Any game Gus Johnson calls should be automatically bumped to a five star game because of Johnson's recent body of work. Alas, I have no way of finding this out...but everyone else can? Somebody help me here!

Here's your preview for Week 11 of the 2010 NFL season...

FIVE STAR GAMES Indianapolis Colts (6-3) at New England Patriots (7-2) 3:15 Sunday CBS
Is it just me, or has it been a long time since Peyton has had to visit Foxboro? Anyways, one of the best non-division rivalries in the NFL resumes on Sunday in this matchup. As usual, both teams are on top of their divisions (the Patriots being tied with the Jets) and will be looking to get a leg up when it comes to playoff positioning. A Patriot win would give them a tiebreaker AND a two game lead with five games to play. Certainly not daunting, but it's a pretty big game for Indianapolis. Foxboro is nicer in November than it is in January.

Both teams are evenly matched and it should be a good game to watch, but the Colts are in their usual November swoon and it is Foxboro. They should get Joseph Addai back, which should help the Colts battered offense, but there are other injuries, such as the one to Gary Brackett, that will give the Patriots the advantage this time around. Come January, when the Colts get healthy, this one could be a different story.
PREDICTION: Patriots
Philadelphia Eagles (6-3) at New York Giants (6-3) 7:30 Sunday NBC
Holy Michael Vick! I have to wonder, will other teams try to frame their quarterbacks so that they can come out of prison this dominant. Vick has put in the work to become a better quarterback since his incarceration, and you have to wonder if those prison football games are super intense or something.

When you think about it, Vick seems to be the real life version of Paul Crue, the quarterback in The Longest Yard who was thrown into jail for a gambling scam. There are people who will not forgive Vick for the dogfighting ring, but there is no doubt he is one of the most exciting quarterbacks to watch in the NFL right now.

This week, Vick will matchup against one of the best defenses in the league. The Giants have looked pretty good every week they haven't played the Cowboys, and they have one of the leagues most fearsome defensive lines, but can they get to Vick, who has become a master of extending the play. The secondary for the Giants also has some question marks for me when it comes to the offensive weapons Philly has at wide receiver.

It's not that the Giants have an offense that isn't capable of keeping up with Vick and company, it's that I think the Eagles are playing too well to lose this game...even on the road.
PREDICTION: Eagles

FOUR STAR GAMES Oakland Raiders (5-4) at Pittsburgh Steelers (6-3) 12:00 Sunday CBS
Woah, what happened Pittsburgh? You seemed like such a lead pipe lock to whomp the Steelers and then you just came out flat. Seriously, what happened? The league's best defense gave up 39 points and gave up three touchdowns to something called Rob Gronkowski. Wow.

Well, this week they'll get a lighter test, but a test nonetheless. This week they host the Oakland Raiders who have won three straight and lead the AFC West for the first time since 2002. Yes, the OAKLAND RAIDERS. Perhaps Tom Cable knows what he's doing after all. The draft class has contributed (Jacoby Ford) and they possess one of the league's best rushing attacks (Darren McFadden and Michael Bush). However, that is their strength and downfall this week.

The Steelers will be angry and ready to stop the run at all costs. Having Jason Campbell beat you isn't a bad strategy. Also, Rashard Mendenhall should have a better game than he did last week as Oakland's run defense is middle of the pack. The only hope for the Raiders is for Nhamdi Asomough to blanket emerging deep threat Mike Wallace, but since the Steelers are built on running the football and defense, I pick the Steelers in this one.
PREDICTION: Steelers
Denver Broncos (3-6) at San Diego Chargers (4-5) 7:30 Monday ESPN
It's really hard to follow the AFC West at this point. The best team in the division appeared to be the Kansas City Chiefs who got destroyed by the Broncos, who got destroyed by the Raiders, have yet to play the Chargers, who got beat by the Chiefs. What the hell?

Well, the Broncos have an opportunity to climb back in to the race, and if all falls into place, San Diego could be tied for the AFC West lead after a slow start. It's looking like the Chargers will get Antonio Gates and Malcom Floyd back for this game, and if Ryan Matthews practices this week, he will go up against one of the worst rushing defenses in the league.

Add in the fact that Vincent Jackson will return next week for the Chargers, and they could be the NFL's sleeper team from here on out.
PREDICTION: Chargers

THREE STAR GAMES
Chicago Bears (6-3) at Miami Dolphins (5-4) 7:20 Thursday NFL Network
Team Smoke and Mirrors faces off against Team Boredom on Thursday Night Football. The Bears are coming off a whomping of a lifeless Vikings team and the Dolphins are coming off their first home victory of the season against a good Titans team.

It seems like the Bears can pick up a victory easily, but it always seems like there is a quirky bounce, missed call, or something else that gives them a win. Jay Cutler has limited his interceptions and is leading this Bears team to heights I didn't see coming (I tagged six wins for the Bears all season, FYI).

And then we have team boredom. The Dolphins are the San Antonio Spurs of the NFL. Play defense, grind it out, get a win. Tony Sparano has implemented the four corners offense and it's resulted in some really boring television. Even with the addition of Brandon Marshall, I would rather watch paint dry than watch this team. Ok, maybe not, but they don't blitz like Pittsburgh does, and they don't have anything that gets out from behind Sparano's sunglasses.

The Dolphins will start Tyler Thigpen in this game in part because Chad Henne sucks. They were so desperate that they tried Chad Pennington at quarterback last Sunday and, as predicted, Pennington tore the last thread in his throwing shoulder. Unless, Thigpen can get the ball to Marshall, I see a low scoring game and a Bears victory. (7-3????)
PREDICTION: Bears
Cleveland Browns (3-6) at Jacksonville Jaguars (5-4) 12:00 Sunday CBS
Interesting comes to mind with this matchup. The Browns are improved, and I've been really impressed with Colt McCoy. However, something tells me the Browns aren't quite there. That could change if Bad Jacksonville shows up.

Oh yeah, Good Jacksonville is the team that runs the ball, gets a solid performance from David Garrard, and plays great defense. Bad Jacksonville is when they come out looking like zombies from Thriller. I think Good Jacksonville shows up this week.
PREDICTION: Jaguars
Houston Texans (4-5) at New York Jets (7-2) 12:00 Sunday CBS
You expect this Jets team to stumble at this point, but they're very headstrong. They had back-to-back overtime efforts against mediocre teams and now they get another one in the Texans.

Yes, folks the Texans are a mediocre team. Gary Kubiak has gotten away from what the Texans do the best and that's throw the football. Don't get me wrong, you need to give Arian Foster the rock, but it's hurt their offense to suddenly go run heavy. This team is losing momentum, and their defense is something out of a Rob Zombie horror movie.
PREDICTION: Jets
Atlanta Falcons (7-2) at St. Louis Rams (4-5) 12:00 Sunday FOX
So you want to be a playoff team, St. Louis? Remember, the Rams had the number one pick in the draft and are still in playoff contention. That's pretty good. I like Sam Bradford a lot and he should continue to develop into a franchise QB. However, they're a couple good pieces away from knocking off a good team like the Falcons, who seem to be getting hotter and hotter every week. This is my sleeper matchup of the week.
PREDICTION: Falcons

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-3) at San Francisco 49ers (3-6) 3:15 FOX
San Francisco can't get any more magic could they? After an improbable World Series victory, the 49ers seem to be a team of destiny suddenly. They showed great grit in picking up a win against the Rams last Sunday, and Troy Smith seems to be filled with enough piss and vinegar to turn in a gritty effort every week.

However, they're not playing someone from the NFC West this week. Those three touchdowns that were called back won't be able to be made up against a Tampa Bay team that beats bad teams who make mistakes, which is exactly the category that the 49ers fall under.
PREDICTION: Buccaneers
Seattle Seahawks (5-4) at New Orleans Saints (6-3) 3:15 FOX
Suddenly, the Saints have come back from the sleepwalking. They come off a bye and will get Reggie Bush back after a fibula break in Week 2. This should help the Saints offense which takes on a gritty Seahawk defense. However, Bush will probably get the best of his former college coach, Pete Carroll, and the Saints will move further to a playoff spot.
PREDICTION: Saints
TWO STAR GAMES Arizona Cardinals (3-6) at Kansas City Chiefs (5-4) 12:00 FOX
The Chiefs have struggled the past two weeks after a 5-2 start, but here comes the NFC West team on the road to cheer them up! The Cardinals will go to Arrowhead, where the crowd blows a collective .25 BAC every home game. Pack a lunch.
PREDICTION: Chiefs
Green Bay Packers (6-3) at Minnesota Vikings (3-6) 12:00 FOX
Brad Childress said after the Vikings last home game that fans came "expecting an execution." Well, they might get it this week. Chilly has lost his players, and that's not good. Aaron Rodgers will get the last laugh on Brett Favre and it's possible that Childress and Favre see their last game in purple on Sunday. This will be a rout.
PREDICTION: Packers

ONE STAR GAMES Buffalo Bills (1-8) at Cincinnati Bengals (2-7) 12:00 CBS
Fred Jackson could have a big game, but there's too much talent on the Bengals to lose this game.
PREDICTION: Bengals
Washington Redskins (4-5) at Tennessee Titans (5-4) 12:00 FOX
So the Redskins say hello to another running QB? What did the last one do against them again? Oh, that's right.
PREDICTION: Titans

Baltimore Ravens (6-3) at Carolina Panthers (1-8) 12:00 FOX
Ray Lewis vs. Jimmy Claussen. Uh oh.
PREDICTION: Ravens

Detroit Lions (2-7) at Dallas Cowboys (2-7) 12:00 FOX
Jason Garrett seems to have sparked his team after a coaching change. ARE YOU LISTENING ZYGI???
Prediction: Cowboys

Jenna Nelson's Birthday Present

Now for you religious readers of The Crishad Experience out there, and I know there aren't that many of you, but regardless. I would like to do something a little bit different today. Usually, I come on here and go crazy about how much of a moron Brad Childress is, or how much I hate or love some sports figure. However, today, I would like to give a shoutout to one of my best friends.

That lovely girl in the picture next to me is Jenna Nelson who is celebrating her birthday today. Of course you have to say happy birthday to your friends and there are many ways you can do it.

There's the birthday card approach. There's the texting approach. There's the typical Facebook wall-post approach. And finally, there is the Dwight Schrute "It is your birthday." statement approach.

However, none of these will work for today. Oh no, you see, Chris Schad not only over thinks things, but he likes these things to be explosive, colorful, and exciting, like a fourth of July firework display. Yet, since I'm pretty poor these days I couldn't get any fireworks AND unlike my yelling which could be heard in Mason City, Iowa...my fireworks would be like John Cena. You can't see them.

So, I decided this. Jenna is having a good old fashioned bar crawl for her birthday on Saturday. It's known as Jenna's Bar Crawl. But I've been calling it by a different name: Jennamania XXIII. Just try this phenomenon with your name. Take your name and add "amania" to the end of it. It's spectacular.

To get ready for this out-of-control-all-day-Russian-Liver-Training adventure, I thought that I could show all of my loyal readers (and get a good laugh out of Jenna) by telling some classic stories about Jennamanias past. Here we go...

Jennamania XXI: Ah, the first birthday after you turn 21. Remember that feeling when you walked into the bar for the first time. Yeah...Jenna didn't either. This was one of Jenna's first encounters with alcohol and it turned out memorable for everyone else in the bar.

I was not lucky enough to attend this year, as Jenna and I would meet and break the ice because of this story I heard. Jenna drank it up at her house with a couple of Smirnoff Grape and a myriad of other delicious options when she went to Ground Zero. For those of you not familiar with Ground Zero, they serve gigantic liter drinks. You may go sober...but when you walk up those stairs, your wondering what side of the street you're on, what day it is, and convinced that you can drive to Florida by the time the sun comes up.

So Jenna decided to get this magical drink after a night of drinking. Why you ask? 1) She loves to party. 2) Her friends made her a 50 dollar bet that she could chug that liter of booze in less than 5 minutes...and she did my friends, she did (in about 3:00...I'm telling you...this girl is AWESOME!!!).

Well, we all know what happened next. Jenna found herself on her knees throwing up in the middle of the bar when some guy thought "Hey, I just found myself an escort home." (He must have been afraid of the dark or something.) and decided to hit on Jenna, who probably used this lean and meant it more than she has than at any point in her lifetime: "It's not you, it's me."

(Actually, I'm impressed with how this turned out. My first long island resulted in me with piss rolling down my leg, blood running down my lip, and some guy throwing dollar bills at me and saying "go get your life together")

Jennamania XXII: Jenna made a return the next year, and this one involved less vomit. Jenna danced her face off at Boomers (then called The Library), and wound up making out in the corner. After all of this, Jenna was shaken up about something, but then was told about her making out. As mass chaos ensued with someone else (I will not mention names) standing on top of a table at South Fork Cafe screaming "WE NEED MOZZERELLA STICKS NOW!", I walked Jenna home for her to say "I can't belive I did that. I'm not that kind of person." Repeatedly.

(This one is short because I balled just as hard and wound up forgetting most of the night. But man was it fun!)

So who knows what will happen here as we start at 1:00 Saturday afternoon. Will we wind up at McDonalds searching for Ronald McDonald? Will Jenna not wait for Boomers and start dancing on a table at Bo's and Mine? Will I pass out in the middle of the street, prompting Jenna to write a similar post on her blog for my birthday next year? Or will I have to give Jenna a piggyback ride to get her away from the River Falls Police Department? (Wait, I've done that before...oh that was someone else. My bad! :) )

There is one thing for certain. I'm excited to see one of my best friends, and I hope she has a great birthday!

Happy Birthday, Jenna!
From The Crishad Experience aka Chris :)

Gus Johnson Is Awesome

As a prospective broadcaster, I tend to have a couple of favorite announcers. It's kind of like the little kid who has a poster of Michael Jordan on his wall. Well, I guess there aren't posters of announcers, but just follow me here.

When I first decided I wanted to become an announcer, I was a big fan of Viking play-by-play announcer Paul Allen. Then, I found out about Packer play-by-play announcer Wayne Larivee and became an admirer of him as well.

However, today we have a new champion for broadcasting excellence. That man's name is Gus Johnson.

Johnson is a combination of Allen's enthusiasm and Larivee's professionalism. He seriously could make anything sound exciting. We'll get to that later.

If you don't know who I'm talking about, here's just a sample. I guarantee you, if you've ever watched a NCAA basketball tournament game, you've heard this man nearly reach orgasm on national TV.

Johnson calls everything too. He calls football. He calls college basketball. He was the voice of the New York Knicks. Over the summer, Yankee public address announcer Bob Sheppard was called "the voice of God." Um, no. It's just like New York to be that arrogant.

Johnson just has that charisma that's through the roof. On some plays, Johnson will just about blow out your television speakers, but then on other plays with a "woah, he has that many catches?" he'll put your arm around you and tell you about the player like you're just chilling in a basement.

How awesome is Gus Johnson? Bill Simmons claims that he has a law in effect when he announces football games.

"I keep mentioning the Law of Gus without ever really defining it, so let's do it right now. If Gus Johnson is calling an NFL game, the odds quintuple that (A) the lead will change hands in the fourth quarter; (B) someone will complete a long pass in a big moment that will make Gus' voice hit an octave only dogs can hear; and (C) the game will go into overtime or at least come damned close. It seems impossible that the mere presence of an announcer would alter the course of the game, but here's my theory: I think God sits in his Man Cave on Sundays and says, "Which game is that Gus Johnson calling? I get a kick out of that guy. I think I'll make his game exciting and see if he completely loses his mind."" - Bill Simmons

As a matter of fact, earlier today A,B, and C took place in Jacksonville. Consider your ear drums satisfied (copyright of Adam Lee and the River Falls Renegades)!

Simply put, I would love to see this guy announce anything. He could make anything exciting.

- Two girls playing with Barbies
- A porno
- A wedding
- Your dinner
- Wrestlemania 27 (@#$% you, Michael Cole)
- Our tippy cup games
- A person doing laundry
- Somebody taking a roadside sobriety test
- An episode of Man vs. Food
- A highly constipated person taking a dump.

And many, many more.

So, if you're looking for some quality announcing, just look for this guy. Or just listen.

Week 10 Preview

Believe it or not, there are just seven weeks left in the National Football League season and for many teams, this could be the last stretch of football they can really enjoy for at least a year with the impending lockout coming.

So, I decided to turn back the clock a bit. Last year, I started doing previews for each week and ranking each matchup in the remaining weeks. I didn't do the games for the first 10 weeks because those are almost impossible to predict. (Example: Did you see the Cowboys going 1-7 to start the year?)

FIVE STAR GAMES
Baltimore Ravens (6-2) at Atlanta Falcons (6-2) 7:20 Thursday; NFL Network
One of two games between six win teams in Week 10. The Ravens just seem to do just enough to win every week. Very rarely will they blow someone out, but they usually come out on top. Their last two wins against Buffalo and Miami are fair examples of that. But then there's the Atlanta Falcons who have one of the best home field advantages in the league. The Falcons are heating up and so is Michael Turner, who has posted back to back multiple touchdown games. The Ravens defense is starting to come together with the return of Ed Reed, so it will be interesting if the Ravens can stop the Falcons rushing attack on the road.
PREDICTION: Falcons
New England Patriots (6-2) at Pittsburgh Steelers (6-2) 7:20 Sunday; NBC
A battle for the early season lead in the AFC takes place Sunday as two of the better teams in the entire league go head to head. For Pittsburgh, they held on for dear life against Cincinnati, but they dominated for almost the entire game. In my mind, they're the hottest team in the league right now and the best team in the NFL. The Patriots meanwhile have had significant personnel turnover the past couple of weeks, with the subtraction of Randy Moss, but the addition of Logan Mankins. They've had to go back to the same style of offense that was used during their three Super Bowl titles, and that's not a bad thing. However, when you're up against a Pittsburgh defense, you need all the help you can get. Expect a low scoring game.
PREDICTION: Steelers

FOUR STAR GAMES Philadelphia Eagles (5-3) at Washington Redskins (4-4) 7:30 Monday; ESPN
If it weren't for the Vikings, the Redskins may have the most drama in the NFL. The Redskins started the season with Albert Haynesworth showing up fat and unhappy to work. That carried on for a couple weeks, but then it died down. But now we have quarterback controversy. Mike Shanahan has apparently turned his back on Donovan McNabb. He pulled McNabb out their last game with 2 minutes to go and a chance to win because McNabb had fitness issues. So...Rex Grossman is better? Things are unraveling, but a win for the Skins would help. Too bad their facing one of the most potent offenses in the NFL Monday night. Vick lasted about 7 minutes in the last meeting before injuring his ribcage, but I don't think he's going to try and make up for that. If the Eagles can score against a mediocre Redskin defense, they'll win the game.
PREDICTION: Eagles

Minnesota Vikings (3-5) at Chicago Bears (5-3) 12:00 Sunday; FOX
There might be a little bit of home cooking with this ranking, but it's a little bit intriguing. This is another win-or-die game for the Vikings and if they look flat as they did in the first 55 minutes of last Sunday's win over Arizona, it could still be the end of Brad Childress' tenure in Minnesota. The Vikings could get Sidney Rice back, but Chili is keeping a tight lid on that one. For Chicago, they win ugly, but they win. The Soldier Field magic may be enough to keep the Vikings at bay, but I think it's an important game for both teams as the Packers are on bye this week.
PREDICTION: Bears

THREE STAR GAMES Houston Texans (4-4) at Jacksonville Jaguars (4-4) 12:00 Sunday; CBS
The Texans were the toast of football early in the season, and suddenly, they find themselves in a 1-3 slump after a 3-1 start. Don't blame it on Arian Foster, who has lead the Texans to multiple victories on his own this year, it may be in the passing game. Kyle Shanahan left for Washington last offseason and it's showing. Mix in injuries to Owen Daniels and Andre Johnson, and the Texans are suddenly a one dimensional team again except on the opposite end of the spectrum. Mix in the dire need for secondary help, and it's not a good time to be facing a hot quarterback such as David Garrard. The crazy thing about this matchup? The loser will be in last place of the AFC South...
PREDICTION: Jaguars

Seattle Seahawks (4-4) at Arizona Cardinals (3-5) 3:15 Sunday; FOX
...while if they were in the NFC West, they would be in second place regardless of this matchups outcome. If Seattle and St. Louis both lose, there will be a under .500 division leader in the division. Yuck. And that would also bring a three way tie between three 4-5 teams with the 49ers being A GAME OUT OF FIRST PLACE AT 3-6!!! I think the Vikings would love to be a part of this division. But, the Seahawks have surprised as I didn't think they'd be close to having four wins at this point of the year. The Cardinals also played the Vikings tough, but we aren't talking about last week's matchup. So how do we determine a winner. Home field advantage. The NFC West is a combined 2-14 on the road this season. Ouch.
PREDICTION: Cardinals

Tennesee Titans (5-3) at Miami Dolphins (4-4) 12:00 Sunday; CBS
They say to make the playoffs, you need to win your home games and go .500 on the road. Well, Tony Sparano must have flipped the script. The Dolphins are 4-1 on the road this season, but 0-3 at home. To make matters worse, they seem to be declining. Chad Henne has regressed since a strong week 3 showing against the Jets and Brandon Marshall has scored one touchdown all season. The running game isn't much better, as Ronnie Brown is averaging about 56 yards a game. For the Titans, chapter 3 of Randy Moss' 2010 season begins. My Uncle Timm had a very interesting point. In 1976, the New York Yankees acquired a loud mouthed, self absorbed all-star that lead them to the World Series. Reggie Jackson infamously referred to himself as "the straw that stirs the drink." angering players such as Therman Munson, who were mainstays on the Yankees. The Yankees won a World Championship, while Moss continues to have no rings on his fingers. Why is this? Well, the Yankees had Billy Martin. Simply put, Moss needs to find his Billy Martin to channel his shananigans. Bill Belicheck came close, but after a terrible experience with Brad Childress, the ball is now in Jeff Fisher's court.
PREDICTION: Titans

TWO STAR GAMES Cincinnati Bengals (2-6) at Indianapolis Colts (5-3) 12:00 Sunday; CBS
It hasn't been a pretty season, but the Colts have been themselves. No matter who is on the field offensively, the Colts win because of Peyton Manning. They've also struggled on the road, but are 3-0 at Lucas Oil Stadium. Mix in the fact that Carson Palmer is not himself and Chad Ochocinco is pouting, and you may see this one turn ugly.
PREDICTION: Colts
New York Jets (6-2) at Cleveland Browns (3-5) 12:00 Sunday; CBS
Eric Mangini got revenge against one former employer, now he may be gearing up for his second slice in two weeks. While the Jets have a good record, they barely got past Detroit and Denver on the road. Not to mention that Mangini might know a thing or two about the personnel on the Jets. I smell an upset.
PREDICTION: Browns

St. Louis Rams (4-4) at San Francisco 49ers (2-6) 3:15 Sunday; FOX
I talked about the ridiculousness of the NFC West earlier, and here's another example of it. The Rams could pick up a victory and, with a Seattle loss, could find themselves in first place after picking first overall in the draft last year! The numbers say to go with the 49ers, but I have a hard time trusting Troy Smith to get the job done.
PREDICTION: Rams

ONE STAR GAMES Detroit Lions (2-6) at Buffalo Bills (0-8) 12:00 Sunday; FOX
Bad and worse. Matthew Stafford is now out for the season after hurting his shoulder again. Is this franchise truly cursed? This is also the time where the winds start to swirl in Buffalo and that means that the running game will be important. Another upset coming here.
PREDICTION: Bills

Carolina Panthers (1-7) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (5-3) 12:00 Sunday; FOX
The Panthers are in trouble. Matt Moore is out for the season, and Jimmy Claussen looks like he's being thrown into the fire. Also DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart are both hurt, which leaves Mike Goodson to man the running game. Oh boy.
PREDICTION: Bucs

Kansas City Chiefs (5-3) at Denver Broncos (2-6) 3:15 Sunday; CBS
The Chiefs were a freak play and 20 seconds away from becoming 6-2. Their pass defense is spectacular, and that's all Denver seems to want to do with Josh McDaniels at the helm. This is also the team that gave up 180 yards and 4 TD to Darren McFadden earlier this year. The Chiefs have a better rushing attack. Uh oh.
PREDICTION: Chiefs

Dallas Cowboys (1-7) at New York Giants (6-2) 3:15 Sunday; FOX
"America's Game of the Week" huh? Not only do we get to see this massacre on national television, we have to hear Joe Buck's monotonous voice and Troy Aikman's non-sensical reasons on how the Cowboys could still reach the Super Bowl. You thought last Sunday was bad? Welcome to the head coaching profession, Mr. Jason Garrett.
PREDICTION: Giants

A Need For A Change

As Minnesotans, we have mastered the chant of "Fire _____." We could be chanting to unseat a crappy District Attourney, a slacker in the office, or, most likely, a head coach who isn't performing up to capabilities.

In Minnesota, we've already seen one coach get the ax when Tim Brewster was fired in the middle of October. Get ready for round two folks as the next one to go is Brad Childress.

"Chili" does not have thick skin apparently. We've seen him get into shouting matches on the sideline with Brett Favre, and wanted Terrell Owens to talk to him so bad in Philadelphia, that Owens eventually yelled at him "I don't know you and I don't want to know you."

The latest escapade of Childress's insecurity was with Randy Moss. Moss, who was acquired for a third round draft pick from New England last month, was released by the Vikings on Monday and can go wherever he wants, possibly to a NFC rival.

Some people would say that it doesn't matter where Moss goes because he's washed up. I say, there's more to this than meets the eye.

The word on the street is that Moss was released because Moss vented frustrations about Sunday's loss to New England. Apparently, Moss was giving Childress suggestions about how to beat the Patriot defense, the same defense he went up against daily in practice for the past three seasons. Childress ignored this...

We've seen this story before. Brett Favre changed plays at the line of scrimmage and Childress nearly crapped a chicken. It's apparent that when you're Brett Favre, you get some leeway. You can do anything, including take a picture of your cash and prizes, and get away from it. But if you're anyone else, you're looking for work.

People will say that Moss is a cancer in the locker room. It seems to me like he pressed the right buttons during his time in Minnesota. Yes, there was the boat quote at the end of his introductory conference, and it was blown up about how he wasn't going to talk to the media, but when the media blows up everything Moss says in a negative light, why should he talk to them?

And on the other side, Childress continues to be a control freak. Coronel Klink has made mistake after mistake, but lives to tell about it because he has fallen into extraordinary talent. Don't think so? During Childress' tenure, he's received Chad Greenway, Percy Harvin, Adrian Peterson, Jared Allen, and Brett Favre to name a few. The previous coach, Mike Tice, who was hired in a "Mr. Smith Goes To Washington" sort of way, had one big acquisition: Antoine Winfield. After that, the Vikings relied on the likes of Denard Walker to provide hope.

Childress has also made stupid decisions on the field. He obviously thinks the red challenge flag is a toy. Why did he challenge the Brandon Tate reception in the 2nd quarter? Does he like burning timeouts?

And finally, Childress is starting to lose this team. The players are not happy about cutting Moss, and the only reason they got is that it was "not the way we do things around here." I have a strong feeling is that this team is going to quit on Childress very soon, possibly as soon as Sunday at the Metrodome against Arizona.

I'm sure no move will be made before the end of the season, as even at 2-5, the Vikings still have a chance to make the playoffs in the weak NFC. But that wasn't the goal. This was a team that was supposed to go to the Super Bowl, and The Klink has ran this team straight into the ground. People may say this team isn't that good to begin with, but seriously. This team went to the NFC Championship game and returned EVERY starter.

This team is underachieving, and usually the hammer falls on the coach (unless you're the Minnesota Twins). If the ship doesn't get turned around quick (and it won't), the hammer needs to fall down on The Klink.

The State Of Monkey Crap

The Minnesota department of tourism has released a new video that is designed to lure athletes to Minnesota. I don't have the actual video, but here's the transcript of it.

[The ad starts on a football field. Little Timmy just got his butt whooped by the bigger, stronger teammates and sits down on a bench.]

Announcer: What's the matter, Timmy?
Timmy: I'm no good at sports. I try really hard, but I can't beat anybody.
Announcer: Have you ever thought of coming to Minnesota?
Timmy: Minnesota? Gee whiz, I can't say I have!
Announcer: Well you're in luck. In Minnesota, nobody can play sports worth a lick. The state hasn't seen a championship in anything since 1991. The secret is that even if they do win a championship on a smaller level, they stop playing and get nervous, allowing you to dominate.

[Cuts to Timmy in Minnesota, plowing over Joe Mauer, sacking Brett Favre, dunking on Kevin Love, and whooping Mikko Koivu's ass in a hockey fight.]
Timmy: WOW! You were right, these guys are going to be great for my career.
[Timmy winks at the camera and it fades to black.]

Yes, even you and I could dominate a Minnesota sports team right now, professional or collegiate. It doesn't matter. The state's sports scene is officially in chaos. Want me to prove it? Take a look for yourself.

Minnesota Twins - The Twins won the American League Central championship and then promptly shut it down for a week and a half. When the Twins turned the on switch again, they were proved to be a cute little baseball team. I still can't talk about this team without dropping a F-Bomb. Some day I will and I'll post a season wrap-up column. Not today.

Minnesota Wild - People still love this team because it's the "State of Hockey." It doesn't matter if the Wild are 20 games under the even mark, the drones will continue to go to the Xcel Energy Center. The minor league affiliates are bare, and there are no playmakers at the parent club. Things don't look good.

Minnesota Timberwolves - They're on the up, but at this point they're still bad. I don't know what to say about them. The coach is feuding with the best player and keeping him on the bench in key situations. Not to mention they may wind up getting royally screwed with the Ricky Rubio situation.

Minnesota Golden Gopher Football - Only evidence I need.

Minnesota Vikings - The team is run by a moron and a diva. They go for it on fourth down at really bad times which cost them the game AND despite the fact the team is loaded at most positions, they still underachieve at 2-5.

The state is reaching historical levels of craptacularness. When you think about it there could be three (!!!) coaching changes this season.

It's like my childhood hero The Rock once said:

"It looks like a big monkey walked down this ramp and out popped [insert Minnesota sports team here]."

Top 10 Moments in Vikings History

Before we start, I would like to give a shoutout to my good friend in Alaska, Ms. Renee Thony. Renee gave me the idea of this post after replying to a status on Facebook about Al Harris getting burned by Randy Moss, but yet destroying Adrian Peterson's knee. My response was about to compare the two by saying that Moss mooning the Packers was a top 5 moment in Vikings history, but Harris injuring Peterson was relatively irrelevant. (A consequence of not winning a Super Bowl.)

So, that got me to thinking. This is the 50th season of Vikings football. So now would be a perfect time to list my top 10 Viking moments in the history of the franchise. This could get interesting.

The moments listed are a mix of good and bad, happy and sad. (Just like a Mother Goose rhyme.) It took a while for me to think about it, but here are the 10 I thought of. To add suspense, I listed these from 10 to 1.

10. Vikings defeat Bears For First Win In Franchise History in 1961
There aren't a lot of old memories on this list because, well, I was born in 1986. However, this has to be put on the list for the simple fact that it was a huge upset. The Bears were one of the charter franchises of the NFL and they went to Metropolitan Stadium (aka The Old Met) and got rolled 37-13. Remember, the Vikings were an expansion team playing their first game on September 17, 1961. Probably only the Houston Texans beating the Dallas Cowboys rivals on the same magnitude that a franchise got their first victory.

9. Randy Moss Falls To The Vikings/Randy Moss Returns To The Vikings
Moss was a troublemaker heading into the 1998 NFL Draft. After getting kicked out of Florida State, Moss thrived with Chad Pennington at Marshall and was projected as a top 10 pick. However, teams had marked Moss down because of his character. The Dallas Cowboys had promised they would take Moss at 8, but that didn't happen. As we all know Moss fell all the way to the Vikings at 21 and the rest is history. Moss sparked the fan base, scoring 90 touchdowns and then was traded to the Oakland Raiders...

But Moss returned from his exile this season, a moment that Viking fans had always joked about, but never thought it was a real possibility. The return of Moss has once again raised expectations for the team, and only time will tell of Moss will go down as hero or goat in a Viking uniform.

8. The Hail Mary
Many people say that the Vikings had their best team in 1975. We all know that the Vikings went to four Super Bowls in the 70's, but it was almost five. The Vikings lead the Dallas Cowboys late in the Divisional Round game at The Old Met. After the Cowboys had driven all the way to midfield, they took a shot at the end zone. The play that ensued would include THREE holding penalties that weren't called by the referees and, depending on what team you cheer for, an offensive pass interference penalty by Drew Pearson (also not called) for the game winning touchdown.

The backlash was legendary. At the stadium, fans were livid and one went as far to hucking a Windsor bottle onto the field, and decking an official in the back of the head. Oh, this bottle was thrown from the UPPER DECK. This probably goes down as one of the greatest throws in Vikings history.

In the bizzare file, Viking QB Fran Tarkenton learned after the game that his father had died during the game due to a massive heart attack. Can't make that stuff up.

7. Korey Stringer Dies In Training Camp
This changed the way that most teams run their training camps. The Vikings had run another typical training camp practice in Mankato, MN and Korey Stringer was having trouble getting through it.

The temperature that day rivaled 100 degrees, and Stringer was seen vomiting on the sideline. Most coaches and players simply thought that Stringer was out of shape. They guessed wrong. Stringer was suffering from heat exhaustion and died after his core temperature was upwards of 110 degrees at one point.

Since then, training camps have toned down and when the weather gets that hot, teams are required to allow players to take water breaks. Stringer, who was one of the up-and-coming offensive lineman in the NFL, had his number 77 retired by the Vikings.

6. "This Isn't Detroit, Man!"
The Minnesota Vikings were on a magical season in 2009. Brett Favre had given the Vikings more than they thought he could, throwing 33 touchdowns and 7 interceptions during the regular season. The Vikings went to New Orleans for the NFC Championship game, and dominated the entire game...with the exception of the scoreboard.

The Vikings fumbled the ball 5 times in the game, and the Saints capitalized on nearly all of them. Despite all of this, the Vikings were driving late in the game to punch their ticket to the Super Bowl. At the 33 yard line, after a timeout, the Vikings were flagged for 12 men in the huddle. The next play, Favre rolled to his right and fired a pass right into Randall Gay's chest. The Saints would go on to win the Super Bowl.

5. "OH MY HEAVENS!!!"
The Vikings trailed the San Francisco 49ers with 13 seconds to go in the third game of the year in 2009. In previous years, the Vikings would have to lean on the likes of Tarvaris Jackson in hopes of leading them back, but this was the third game for Brett Favre in a Vikings uniform.

Favre, in a scary case of foreshadowing, rolled to his right and looked towards the end zone. After avoiding a sack, Favre simply threw the ball as hard as he could at Greg Lewis. Lewis made the catch, keeping both feet in bounds, for the game winning touchdown with 2 seconds left. This play would jumpstart the 2009 season, in which they would go 12-4 and lose to the Saints in the NFC Championship game.

4. Arizona Knocks The Vikings Out Of The Playoffs
In 2003, the Vikings started 6-0 and were the talk of the lead. However, the Vikings had since nosedived into a 9-6 record and needed a win against woeful Arizona. Even with a loss, if the Green Bay Packers had been defeated by the Denver Broncos at Lambeau Field, the Vikings would make the playoffs.

Well, the Broncos didn't do their part. They were getting throttled by the Packers, so the Vikings would have to do it themselves. The Vikings held a late lead and with :04 left (on 4th and 26), Cardinals QB Josh McCown threw a prayer towards the corner of the end zone. Nathan Poole made the catch, but only got one foot in bounds. However, the officials ruled that he was pushed out by E.J. Henderson and ruled a touchdown. The Vikings became the first team in the history of the NFL to start a season 6-0 and not make the playoffs.

3. Gary Anderson Chokes
The 1998 season was too good to be true. The Vikings looked unstoppable as they raged to a 15-1 record and home field advantage in the 1998 NFC Championship game. All that was standing in their way were the 14-2 Atlanta Falcons.

The Vikings held a 7 point lead in the game when Gary Anderson, who had not missed a place kick all year (the first kicker in NFL history to do so) missed a chip shot field goal which would have buried the Falcons.

Instead, the Falcons drove down the field, tied the game, and ultimately won in overtime. Many Viking fans still believe that this was the Vikings best chance to win a Super Bowl.

2. Randy Moss Moons Lambeau Field
The Vikings lost the two regular season meetings against the Packers in 2004. In the first game, Derek Ross recovered an onside kick for the Vikings, but it was ruled by the officials that he never had possession of the ball despite clear replays that Ross had indeed obtained the football. The Vikings lost by 3.

The second game was a Christmas Eve brawl which turned out to be the NFC North Championship Game. Late in the 2nd quarter, the Packers were driving. Donald Driver made a catch right at the sticks and got an obvious first down. Yet, the officials stopped the clock for a measurement. This was convienient for the Packers, as they were out of timeouts. The Packers got the field goal unit on the field (which was not possible had the clock not stopped) and Ryan Longwell kicked a field goal to get the Packers within 7 at halftime. The Packers would come back and win by 3.

The Vikings would back into the playoffs at 8-8 and face the 10-6 Packers in a NFC Wild Card playoff game. The Vikings came out with battle afros and took a 24-17 lead late in the game. Daunte Culpepper rolled to his right and fired a deep ball to Randy Moss. Moss made the catch to put the Vikings ahead 31-17, but he wasn't done there. Moss strolled over to the field goal post and pretended to moon the crowd at Lambeau.

This incident set off many quotes that ring true in Vikings history...

"Daunte takes the snap, rolls out to right...Moss! Wide open! HE BURNED AL HARRIS!!! TOUCHDOWWWWWN!!! THAT'S A COLD BLOODED CONNECTION" - Paul Allen

"That's a disgusting act by Randy Moss." - Joe "The Worst Broadcaster In Sports" Buck

And of course...
Reporter: Write the check yet Randy?
Moss: When you're rich, you don't write checks.
Reporter: How do you pay, man?
Moss: Huh?
Reporter: If you don't write checks how do you pay these guys?
Moss: Straight cash homie.

Later, Moss explains that the fine "ain't nothing but ten grand" and the next time he'd "shake his @#$% at them". I guess we'll find out Sunday?

Moss was traded to Oakland the following offseason.

1. Brett Favre Comes To Minnesota
The ultimate example of hell freezing over in sports: Brett Favre, the Viking. Even from my side, it was one of those "No chance in hell" scenarios. I didn't want him, he was Brett Favre. The man who ruined most of my hopes and dreams over and over again.

I hated how the announcers talked about him like a God. I hated how he would run around like a kid after EVERY touchdown. I hated how it was never just Brett or Favre...he had to be referenced by both names to make sense. Hell, I boycotted Wrangler jeans!!!

But, after thinking...and thinking...and thinking about it, Favre officially became a Viking on August 18, 2009. Hell had indeed frozen over.

News choppers were following the motorcade that brought Favre to Winter Park like it was the O.J. Simpson police chase all over again. People lined the streets of the Viking practice facility to welcome Favre. And thousands of Viking fans rushed into their nearest sporting goods outlet to get their purple #4 jerseys.

All this time, it was almost a giant slap in the...no piss in the...no, shit on the chest of Packer fans, who worshiped him for the 18 seasons he played for the Packers. If there was a Favre statue, it would have been torn down Saddam style.

The one move turned an entire fan base into entire hypocrites. But that day, nobody cared. No matter how against it they were (I personally was against it at first), they knew what Favre could do. It turned Favre from villain to hero in Minnesota and from hero to anti-Christ in Green Bay.

My Jealousy Towards The Wisconsin Badgers Football Program

First, before I write anything. I would like you, the readers, to know that, I have had a full night of drinking under my belt. Second, I would never...EVER switch side and become a Wisconsin Badger fan for whatever reason.

However, the iron is obviously hot on that side of the border, and the Badgers have some things going for them over our furry rodents on the west side of the Mississippi.

Where do I begin with this? Well, take a look at the coaches of the two programs. A lot was made over Bret Bielema's two point conversion attempt against the Gophers while up by 25 points late in the 4th quarter. Gopher coach Tim Brewster took exception to the attempt, which the Badgers didn't convert, and was about to put Bielema in a headlock at the 50 yard line.

Yes, it was probably wrong for Bielema to go for two in that situation. However, Brester's actions also rang true to the actions of a coach trying to keep his job. Note that every player on the Gopher sideline was in favor of what Brewster did. However, isn't it the players job to make sure they aren't in that situation? Just a thought.

While Brewster has floundered since his 7-1 start in 2008, the Gophers have free falled while the Badgers, who I once thought were riding on Barry Alverez's credentials, have continued to produce a solid, efficient program.

I once had an argument with a friend of mine that Bielema wasn't a great coach. Before tonight, he was not. The Badgers were always able to defeat the Austin Peays of the world, but never the traditional powers like Ohio State. I was proved wrong tonight.

You also have to look at the traditions at Wisconsin compared to the ones at Minnesota. The Badgers have many things. They have Jump Around at the end of the 3rd quarter. They have many great players in ALL sports. They can recruit guys at Florida. Finally, they have an amazing stadium.

Yeah, the Gophers built TCF Bank Stadium to compete with the Badgers and other Big Ten teams, but how magical and hostile is it? The fans of the Gophers don't show up until midway through the second quarter, if at all, and all they really have is Goldy Gopher spinning his head around and "That's another Golden Gopher...FIRST DOWN!" Hooray. Even the Gopher broadcaster, Dave Lee, makes me want to stick a power drill into my ears. It's that bad.

The Badgers have actually exceeded expectations in all sports as well. The Badgers defeated Ohio State, who was the #1 team in the nation. The Gophers haven't had a win like that since the early 2000's, when they beat #2 Penn State on a last second field goal. Things are not well in Dinkytown.

The Badgers have also been able to raid talent across the country. Yes, there's David Gilreath, the speedster from Minneapolis that Brewster couldn't convince to stay at home. However, the Badgers can also go down to Florida and convince someone that a cold Wisconsin winter is worth the price of playing for the Badgers.

The Gophers can't get their own guys to stay in the cold. Michael Floyd went to Notre Dame. Seantrel Henderson went to Miami. The guy they did get, Sam Maresh, had a string of bad luck and stupid decisions.

Seeing the sea of red gradually pour out onto the field, I felt saddened by knowing that my Gophers will never have anything close to that in the near future.

I guess if you can't beat them, j...OH HELL NO!!! NEVER!!!!