Now for you religious readers of The Crishad Experience out there, and I know there aren't that many of you, but regardless. I would like to do something a little bit different today. Usually, I come on here and go crazy about how much of a moron Brad Childress is, or how much I hate or love some sports figure. However, today, I would like to give a shoutout to one of my best friends.
That lovely girl in the picture next to me is Jenna Nelson who is celebrating her birthday today. Of course you have to say happy birthday to your friends and there are many ways you can do it.
There's the birthday card approach. There's the texting approach. There's the typical Facebook wall-post approach. And finally, there is the Dwight Schrute "It is your birthday." statement approach.
However, none of these will work for today. Oh no, you see, Chris Schad not only over thinks things, but he likes these things to be explosive, colorful, and exciting, like a fourth of July firework display. Yet, since I'm pretty poor these days I couldn't get any fireworks AND unlike my yelling which could be heard in Mason City, Iowa...my fireworks would be like John Cena. You can't see them.
So, I decided this. Jenna is having a good old fashioned bar crawl for her birthday on Saturday. It's known as Jenna's Bar Crawl. But I've been calling it by a different name: Jennamania XXIII. Just try this phenomenon with your name. Take your name and add "amania" to the end of it. It's spectacular.
To get ready for this out-of-control-all-day-Russian-Liver-Training adventure, I thought that I could show all of my loyal readers (and get a good laugh out of Jenna) by telling some classic stories about Jennamanias past. Here we go...
Jennamania XXI: Ah, the first birthday after you turn 21. Remember that feeling when you walked into the bar for the first time. Yeah...Jenna didn't either. This was one of Jenna's first encounters with alcohol and it turned out memorable for everyone else in the bar.
I was not lucky enough to attend this year, as Jenna and I would meet and break the ice because of this story I heard. Jenna drank it up at her house with a couple of Smirnoff Grape and a myriad of other delicious options when she went to Ground Zero. For those of you not familiar with Ground Zero, they serve gigantic liter drinks. You may go sober...but when you walk up those stairs, your wondering what side of the street you're on, what day it is, and convinced that you can drive to Florida by the time the sun comes up.
So Jenna decided to get this magical drink after a night of drinking. Why you ask? 1) She loves to party. 2) Her friends made her a 50 dollar bet that she could chug that liter of booze in less than 5 minutes...and she did my friends, she did (in about 3:00...I'm telling you...this girl is AWESOME!!!).
Well, we all know what happened next. Jenna found herself on her knees throwing up in the middle of the bar when some guy thought "Hey, I just found myself an escort home." (He must have been afraid of the dark or something.) and decided to hit on Jenna, who probably used this lean and meant it more than she has than at any point in her lifetime: "It's not you, it's me."
(Actually, I'm impressed with how this turned out. My first long island resulted in me with piss rolling down my leg, blood running down my lip, and some guy throwing dollar bills at me and saying "go get your life together")
Jennamania XXII: Jenna made a return the next year, and this one involved less vomit. Jenna danced her face off at Boomers (then called The Library), and wound up making out in the corner. After all of this, Jenna was shaken up about something, but then was told about her making out. As mass chaos ensued with someone else (I will not mention names) standing on top of a table at South Fork Cafe screaming "WE NEED MOZZERELLA STICKS NOW!", I walked Jenna home for her to say "I can't belive I did that. I'm not that kind of person." Repeatedly.
(This one is short because I balled just as hard and wound up forgetting most of the night. But man was it fun!)
So who knows what will happen here as we start at 1:00 Saturday afternoon. Will we wind up at McDonalds searching for Ronald McDonald? Will Jenna not wait for Boomers and start dancing on a table at Bo's and Mine? Will I pass out in the middle of the street, prompting Jenna to write a similar post on her blog for my birthday next year? Or will I have to give Jenna a piggyback ride to get her away from the River Falls Police Department? (Wait, I've done that before...oh that was someone else. My bad! :) )
There is one thing for certain. I'm excited to see one of my best friends, and I hope she has a great birthday!
Happy Birthday, Jenna!
From The Crishad Experience aka Chris :)
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