God's Team

Well, I've come up for one possible reason why the Minnesota Vikings didn't capitalize on their window of opportunity this season.

No, it's not the fact that the team had glaring weaknesses that the front office didn't address like the fact that Bryant McKinnie is a fat piece of crap and should be replaced...or shot.

No, it's not that Brad Childress lost the entire locker room.

No, it's not that the Vikings sucked so much that the roof caved in on the Metrodome. I'll let you figure that one out.

Nope, it's because the Green Bay Packers are God's Team.

Think about it. How many lucky breaks have the Packers gotten throughout my lifetime? The Antonio Freeman catch on Monday Night Football? Nathan Freaking Poole? Getting Brett Favre? And not the old, washed up, flashing pictures of his cash and prizes, whiny, sack bag the Vikings got. Think the 2009 Favre. Oh yeah, and then there's Aaron Rodgers falling straight into their lap.

Remember Rodgers was fighting Alex Smith for the #1 pick that year in the draft...AND HE FELL TO 24!!! Yes, the Vikings got Adrian Peterson at 7 when he was supposed to go at 3 to Cleveland. Rodgers fell 23 spots and now is Ron Burgandy good. I can just see Aaron Rodgers saying "You know what. I'm good." Stepping over the MN-WI border and screaming "HEY EVERYONE! COME AND TAKE A LOOK AT HOW GOOD I AM!!!"

God loves this team. When I die in an accident at a pro wrestling event, I'll get up to those pearly gates and see God with a Cheesehead, an Aaron Rodgers jersey (he gave his old Favre one to the devil for Christmas), a G force flag, and cheese-block slippers. At that moment, I know I'm not getting in.

And this is why this year has happened. The ridiculous amount of injuries that the Packers have suffered this year proves it. Jermichael Finley...DEAD! Nick Barnett...DEAD! Ryan Grant...DEAD!!! To quote Christian Bale in the final Terminator which shouldn't exist..."THEY'RE ALL DEAD!!!!" (Ironically, the Packers make me want to quote Christian Bale in a different fashion that I can't exactly post on this blog.)

The crappy thing about this, is that the Packers could actually win the Super Bowl. Don't get this as pessimism, but think about it. The Packers took the Atlanta Falcons to the brink before a massive kickoff return and facemask penalty gave the Falcons a game winning field goal. That game could have easily gone the Packers way.

The remaining teams? Seattle played a perfect game against the Saints, and will need to do the same Sunday against the Bears. Should they win, they'll have homefield advantage in the NFC Championship game at 7-9. Ouch. Still, the Packers have way more talent than the Seahawks and could win in a hostile environment.

The Packers are also a better team than the Bears. I could get into a huge rant about how overrated the Bears are, and I kind of want to see this NFC Championship game because one idiot fanbase will attack the other all week. Take this with a grain of salt...the first meeting, the Packers committed 18 penalties (and the last one, a lateral fest to end the game, was completely worth it). The second meeting, the Packers played a defensive game and forced the erratic Jay Cutler into a game clinching interception. I would take the Packers in a NFC matchup.

On the AFC side, the Packers have more offensive firepower than the Ravens or Steelers, and when it comes to the Patriots, well the Packers only lost by three points...WITH MATT FLYNN AT QUARTERBACK!!! Nobody strikes the fear of God into opposing defenses like Matt Flynn. And he doesn't even start.

So, there you have it. The Green Bay Packers will win the Super Bowl. Rogers will win MVP and he'll grab Gisele Bundschen (or Brady...whichever it is.) plow her at the 50, look into the camera and scream "I'M AARON RODGERS AND I'M SO HAPPY!"

And up in heaven, God will be sitting there with a can of Milwaukee's Best smiling down on his team.