It was a cool, crisp Sunday afternoon and the sun was shining in Western Wisconsin. I was sitting at a bar enjoying a couple of drinks when the chill atmosphere was suddenly cut in with the loud switchblade of a motorcycle.
"VROOOOOOOOOMMMMM BAARRRRRRHHHHHH!!!" The big bad biker unleashed the fury of his motorcycle to let the patrons of the establishment know that "The Champ Is Here!" He walked in and ordered his boilermaker and immediately turned to my friends wife and looked at her Viking shirt. Suddenly, he turned to my friend, who was also wearing a Jared Allen shirt and said "Tell your wife not to come in here wearing purple again."
At this moment, my friend was fabricating how the Packers were actually his favorite team and were going to go 16-0 and win the Super Bowl. Big Bad Biker Man started to become annoyed and before the situation could get any worse, we left the bar with our moral victory.
Moral victory, you ask? Yup. Anything to piss off the most arrogant fan base in all of sports.
Oh, there are some bad ones. The Chicago Cubs fans believe that they are entitled to win the World Series every year even though their players are God awful. (No, Tyler Colvin is not the second coming of Mickey Mantle. Sorry, bro.) The Vancouver Canucks fans sure showed their whiny side after losing game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals last year, and there are Yankee and Red Sox fans too. But I'm here to say that the John Deere Cult is worse.
Since last February, I have heard about the Packers non-stop. It's legit because they did win their fourth Super Bowl, congrats to them. They're a good football team. But their fans use it as the killshot counterpoint to win any argument.
"Adrian Peterson is a better running back than Ryan Grant." "Well, the Packers have four Super Bowls."
"The Saints have an offense that is capable of beating the Packers." Well, we'll win because we have four Super Bowls."
"Chunky peanut butter is better on a PB and J than creamy peanut butter." "But the Packers have four Super Bowls."
See my point?
Packer fans also think that their players possess super powers that make them better than any other player in the NFL. The third string running back for the Packers could start for your team and do an exponentially greater job than your current running back. Hell, James Starks and Ryan Grant are going to rush for 2,000 yards...each. Even the undrafted cornerback they pull off the street will be a Pro Bowler within two years. (Actually, this one is true. Makes you wonder if Marcus Sherels should have joined the Packers...hmmm...)
The other thing about Packer fans is that they are frontrunners. They'll never admit it, though. They will tell you until they are blue in the face about how their Great Grandfather was a Packer fan and they're on the waiting list to get season tickets to Lambeau Field (Maybe they'll get them in 2030), but I have an argument that proves my point, and it's not the Packer/Twins fans I've mentioned before.
In 2004, the Packers drafted a certain quarterback to replace an aging Brett Favre. The quarterback could have been the #1 overall pick in the draft, but fell all the way to 24 and seemed like a steal, but Packer fans were still skeptical that this man could not follow up "God."
That preseason, he was thrown behind the worst offensive line in football history. Seriously, the guy took two steps back and had four defensive linemen in his face. Because of this, he didn't look good and Packer fans had their torches and pitch forks ready. The second game he performed admirably, but in the third game he broke his foot and judgement was passed.
I know of MANY Packer fans who said they would never watch another Packer game if Aaron Rodgers was the starting quarterback. This was to the point that when Brett Favre wanted to come back for one more season, Packer fans wanted him to come back and have Rodgers, who had paid his dues, to take a step aside at least for one more year.
Then, a funny thing happened. The Packers started winning with Rodgers at quarterback. These same Packer fans who said Rodgers would never pan out were running out to Fleet Farm to get truckloads worth of Rodgers jerseys. Then, he won a Super Bowl and he suddenly was Jesus Christ.
Finally, Packer fans act like it's a sin to cheer for anyone but the Packers. Like Big Bad Biker Man, wearing a purple Viking shirt means that you're going straight to hell. Yes, the Packers may be "God's Team", but I can cheer for whomever the hell I want without having to deal with people wanting to convert me to "save my soul."
There is a bit by Houston Aeros enforcer Matt Kassian called the Shins List. This is a list of people who deserve a good, hard kick in the shins for whatever reason. I believe that Packer fans should be included to this list.
Hey, don't get me wrong. The Packers are seriously one of the greatest franchises in sports. They have an awesome stadium, the best QB/WR combo in Jesus Christ and Greg Jennings, and their front office staff is one of the best in football. However, the arrogance of their fans makes me want to see that team fail miserably to the point where if Ndamukong Suh snapped Aaron Rodgers like a twig, I would laugh sadistically.
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