CRISHAD SMASH!!!

Let me tell you guys a little something. When I was in my prime doing television sports reports at John Marshall High School in Rochester, I was approached by a toy company that wanted to do an action figure about me. Well, they produced the toy and everything but there was just one problem. He came out green. So the toy company decided to go a different route and called the action figure The Incredible Hulk.

Tonight, as you can see in the picture above...I am green and pissed off. I want to go flip cars. I want to hit a small child. I want to powerbomb a midget through a flaming table. I want punt a Brewers fan in the head. I am raging. Why am I so mad? Well, I'm sure that a lot of you caught the Twins game last night for the first three innings. The Twins had a 12-2 lead in the third inning and I'm sure a lot of you went to bed with a smile on your face. Well, if you haven't heard...

THEY @#$%ING LOST!!!

The Twins blew that lead and wound up losing 14-13. Apparently, we needed Brett Favre to come on to the field and drive the Twins for a game tying field goal. This game showed everything that's wrong with the Twins right now. Let's take a look.

- Our "ace" Nick Blackburn got rocked. Apparently, Blackburn decided to pitch with his thumb up his ass. Blackburn gave up 7 runs in the first four innings he pitched before finally putting up a zero. Of course, Bert Blyleven said that his arm was "too strong". This is as bull@#$% as the "emotionally drained" excuse we always here. Show up to play...get the freakin ball down for God sake and get some grounders. You're our ace and you have a 10 run lead. 

- Our bullpen also sucked. After Blackburn we were treated to the pitching of Brian Duensing. Duensing has either been hit or miss over the season and tonight, he missed. Then we got Bobby Keppel in the 7th who promptly came in and gave up a grand slam. Then, the flying fat ass fat Albert Jose Mijares came in and...BOMB! Twins down. Of course, the Twins won't do anything to fix this because we can't take risks. We'll just bring in some POS veterans who won't ever do @#$% for us. Right Mark Grudzelanek. Hey, Smith...to quote Ricky Bobby with all do respect, I didn't know that you had experimental surgery to have your balls removed.

- Michael Cuddyer. Yeah, Gardy loves him, but I think he's an absolute POS. The master of the solo home run, but if you put him in a situation with runners on base, he starts looking like yours truly at the plate. The decison to come home on the wild pitch was pretty damn wreckless and stupid. Sure, he beat the throw, but you can't blame the umpire there. You have to realize that we lost a 10 @#$%ing run lead and shouldn't have been in this situation. Seriously, sit his ass on the bench.

- Where did the middle of the lineup go after the first three innings? I went to work and they scored all 13 runs while I was in the hell hole known as Menards. After that, NOTHING. It's not my fault I wanted to watch a Twins game. They're our supposed "leaders" on the team and they pretty much gave up when it looked like we were going to piss pound Oakland. Great job, how about next time we hit a 3rd bomb or maybe get a single? Let's remember that everyone behind you in your lineup sucks. So you better swing for the fences every chance you can.

- The batting stance guy. Has this guy ever been on a date? If he has, does he just sit there and talk about how he knows Chip Hale's batting stance? If that seriously works, I'm going to find a lot of baseball games and start studying.

As you can see, I'm not happy about this and this means that we aren't going anywhere. This team is too young and stupid to do anything. That includes the front office. I used to think Terry Ryan sucked at his job, but Bill Smith has done nothing to leap over TR. Let's take a look at some of the players that he's gotten so far...

Delmon Young

Mike Lamb

Adam Everett

Eddie Guardado

Luis Ayala

Joe Crede

Mark Grudzelanek

Who will be the next washed up veteran to walk into the Twins clubhouse? Who knows. But I'll sum it up this way. I have a better chance of getting a date than the Twins doing anything meaningful. This includes trades, division championships, a @#$%ing win in the postseason, ANYTHING. CRISHAD SMASH!!!! CRISHAD ANGRY!!! CRISHAD GET REVENGE ON ENTIRE WORLD!!! AHHHHHHHH.....