So, this has never been done before. I correct myself, this has never been done with a foulmouthed, sports obsessed, fan doing the study before. However, there was one thing that made me write this. Actually, it was a two day period. The Saturday night before, I decided to wear my white Adrian Peterson jersey out to downtown River Falls. I walk downtown, cross the bridge across the Kinnickinnic River and then the thought hit me. "How long will it take for some idiot to comment on my attire?" The answer was one.
"HEY, THAT'S ADRIAN PETERSON OVER THERE!!!" Yup, the onslaught started...
"VIKINGS SUCK!!!"
"I @#$%^&*( hate the Vikings, but God, I love Adrian Peterson!"
"Do you think the Vikings are going to win tomorrow?"
"ALL DAY!!!"
And the list would go on and on. Apparently, Adrian Peterson in Wisconsinite is translated into "Please, I don't know you or care to know you, but I want to know your uttermost feelings about the Vikings and Adrian Peterson including why you like your team down to the fact that your dad would hit you if you didn't cheer for _______." This fact was reinforced when a random guy in a car screamed "PETERSON EATS DONKEY @#$%!" on Cascade Avenue Monday morning.
These events got me thinking. Why do people do this? Well, I needed answers so I talked to Kyle Mills, my roomate. I know what you're thinking. What psychopath lives with Crishad? THIS GUY!!! However, Kyle introduced me into his realm of thinking when it comes to fans. This is a philosophy that I agreed with quite quickly.
The first type of fan is the intelligent fan. This is the fan at the top of the food chain who can back up their statements with something other than "You suck", "Bite me", or my personal favorite "@#$% you." These fans will usually quote statistics and will readily show why they root for a team that makes the interviewer in this case, step back and say "Woah."
The second type is the intermediate fan. This fan cheers for his team and occasionally stoops to lows, but most of the time, he can back his arguments up. Stats and other variables are also used when picking his favorite team, and he can hold his own in a conversation with the intelligent fan. Most sports fans fall into this category.
Then there is the third tier, the semi-challenged fan. These fans are pretty die-hard for their team and if you don't play for said team, you suck. For example, every Packer fan that has told me Peterson sucks, despite the fact that he looks like the second coming of Barry Sanders, falls into this category. Anybody who has said that Brett Favre sucks without proper reasoning falls into this category. Anyone who has hated on Peyton Manning and says that the Colts should have drafted Ryan Leaf instead falls into this category.
Then, there's rock bottom baby! These fans are the scum of the earth. Their team is king, no matter what. They can hate a player for all eternity, but the second that said player puts on their jersey, he suddenly becomes God. For example, all Viking fans who rushed out, bought Viking tickets, bought a Brett Favre jersey, and every hint of Favre memorabilia after Favre came back falls into this category. Well, that is if you thought Favre was right next to your poop in your ranking of NFL quarterbacks. These fans also root for teams like the Detroit Lions, Cleveland Browns, Oakland Raiders, and (to throw it in there) the Los Angeles Clippers.
Yup, this is why drunk morons love to voice their opinions at me. I mean, let's think about this here. I probably have some kind of anxiety issues when I do meet people, so for random people to run up and tell me their life story when it comes to sports, just strikes me as being stupid. If I know you, that's cool because most of the time, I like to talk sports. However, if you're Random McRandomson and want to talk, be careful and don't try and spear me through the bar. I will think of you higher on the scale of fandom.
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