After the Twins choked yet again in another playoff series with the Yankees, it's time to express my anger. Unlike the first several times this happened, I have an actual forum to express my hatred. So here goes nothing. This is why I hate the New York Yankees. Not just the players, not just the ownership, not just their fans. I hate their entire franchise. I hate their past. I hate their present. I hate their future. I just plain love to hate them.
This is nothing new around baseball. Hating the Yankees is like hating the devil. It's almost protocol that if you can't beat them, you really, really hate them. There's so much to hate about the Yankees. Where do I begin.
Well, you can start with the obvious things. The fact they have more money is usually at the top of everyone's list, but it's much too cliche for what I'm saying. The Yankees are a "team" that is made up of 25 individuals. In other words, the Yankees do not recognize team accomplishments unless they wind up in a world championship. Look at the number of retired numbers for the Yankees. The Yankees have retired 17 numbers in their history, and I'm sure there are at least 2 (Derek Jeter and Joe Torre come to mind) more to come in the near future.
When other teams have great teams (such as the 1987 and 1991 Twins) fans usually remember the cast of characters on the team. In 1987, there was Juan Buerenger aka "Senor Smoke", there was "The Rat" Greg Gagne. In 1991, there was Dan Gladden who hit a grand slam in game 2. These are role players who's accomplishments to their respective teams are actually recognized. In New York, it's all about the superstars. It's about the Mickey Mantles, the Babe Ruths, the Alex Rodriguezes. Scott Brosious caught the final out in two of the Yankees 3 straight World Championships in the late 90's, but he never gets credit. It's all about Jeter's leadership, or Rivera slamming the door. Oh, and it's about Mariano Rivera, not John Wetteland, who showed Rivera the ropes before he came "The Hammer of God." Key contributors are nothing compared to the superstars. Derek Jeter could go 0 for 20 in a World Series and still be the reason they won "because of the intangibles he brings to the table."
These superstars go on to create overblown, massive opinions of themselves, such as Derek Jeter. Jeter is a great player, but he thinks he's better than he really is. Every time a routine ground ball is hit to Jeter, he has to run full blast towards third base, pick the ball up and throw against his body to get the runner by a couple steps, knowing full well that if he just stopped, planted, and threw a bullet to first base, he'd have him beat by a mile. Jeter even has his own shoe called the "6-4-3." Derek Jeter usually ranks towards the bottom of the major leagues when it comes to turning double plays. Think of it as if Nike made a shoe for Shaq called the "Free Throw 5000." It doesn't make sense, but people still buy it.
The current players are just not likeable human beings. CC Sabathia may be an exception, but other than that you have guys like Jeter, Mark Teixeria, and (the mother of them all) Alex Rodriguez. Rodriguez is the epitome of a New York Yankees player. He was raised by someone's farm system. He rose up a likeable teenager and was embraced by his city. Once he became too big, he left town for the money. Eventually, the team that paid him all of this money can't even afford him, so they trade him to the one team that can: The Yankees. Now he lives the large life. Hanging out with Madonna, Kate Hudson, and Jay-Z is a common occurence. Screw the old wife, time to get a new one! He goes tanning for 5 hours a day. When he lifts weights he spits water and screams "I'M SO INTO FITNESS!!!!" Finally, in his spare time, despite his God given talent, he shoots himself up with roids, lies about it, admits it, then is embraced by ESPN because he was "so honest" about his "experiment" with steroids. Why aren't Yankee players likeable?
Ownership has always been a hatred point for the Yankees. You have to ask why do we really hate them? Because they act like they're playing fantasy baseball. Signing free agents, making trades with the smaller market teams and giving them prospects from their garbage farm system in return. The ownership is not happy unless they win the World Series. If the Yankees don't reach this goal, they let everyone know about it. George Steinbrenner hasn't been seen for 2 years, but his brother, Hank, has been in the forefront ever since Steinbrenner dissapeared. I'm pretty sure that he tells his secretary to write everything he says down. I wonder what he's thinking right now...
"Write this down. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with chunky peanut butter suck. So do ones with grape jelly. I think that strawberry jelly is the way to go. Otherwise it's just bull@#$%! They have to cut the crusts off too. I can't take any of that @#$%!"
These memoirs usually become the top story on ESPN.com about 15 minutes later.
Maybe that's why we hate the ownership so much because they act like fans. Coincidentally, Yankee fans are probably the dumbest fans in all of professional sports. Like their owners, they expect to win the World Series every year. If you don't win the World Series, you're garbage. That's for those neighbors up in Boston to do. They love their players who most people can't stand. They all seem to dress the same too. White hoodie, Yankee t-shirt, blue jeans, gold chain, beer gut, and receding hairline. They all look like Joey Ragone from section 122.
That might sound like east coast profiling, but this happens all over the world. Yankee fans can't ever be wrong. They need to end their 8 year championship drought right now. (Which if that's a drought, should the Twins be jumping off buildings because of their 18 year championship drought? What should Cubs fans be doing???) I have one simple argument when it comes to the stupidity of Yankee fans: Billy Crystal.
Yes, Billy Crystal who gave us such great sports films as Forget Paris and My Giant is a true Yankees fan. He even gave the Yankees a tape before the 2009 season to get the club loose. At the end of the video, Crystal says to "Win one for Carl Pavano." (Pavano is the New York free agent horror story as he only made 27 starts during his 4 year stint with the Yankees which paid him 40 million dollars. Rumor has it that the Yankees have started to call the 15 day disabled list the "15 day Pavano" because of his frequent stays there.) Stay classy, Mr. Crystal, but you're just as big of an idiot as every other Yankee fan. How do I know this? Your favorite basketball team is the Los Angeles Clippers. I rest my case.
As much as some of us love to hate the Yankees, the national media and other bandwagon jumpers love them. It's America and we all have a choice, but there is no excuse for being a Yankees fan. It's like taking the easy way out. I will never understand how they feel a sense of accomplishment when they take the Ricky Bobby approach to life. (If you ain't first, you're last!) So, in closing, I'm finishing this post sitting right over what I think about the Yankees. (Hint: I'm sitting on a toilet. Bombs away!)
No comments:
Post a Comment