Super Bowl Sunday Timeline

Super Bowl XLV will be one I will never forget. Yes, the Green Bay Packers won the Super Bowl. Yeah, it sucked. But, the events that transpired will make that Super Bowl Sunday a memorable one indeed.

8:00 am: I open my eyes to see the insanely bright Sunday morning. I groan. The night before I consumed enough beer, and screwdriver to choke out an elephant. I know knew what a railroad spike felt like.

9:00 am: Still in bed...@#$%!

10:11 am: I slowly wake up, as Black and Yellow gets blared around our house for the 100th time. I still love it at this point. So I literally crawl up the stairs.

10:15 am: Finally, make it up the stairs. My friend, Jeremy has informed me that I drank all remaining 12 beers when I got home from the bar. I panic, not knowing that Jeremy had put out the beers to get them cold. Good man...good man indeed.

10:17 am: I fight the urge to vomit. I really shouldn't be drinking today, but it's the Super Bowl. After checking my schedule for work online and not seeing it, I call into my bandwagon Packer fan boss. (Note: You are not a true Packer fan if you wear a purple shirt on Sunday...favorite color or not.) My boss asks if I started drinking already. I mention that I'm planning to start very soon.

10:25 am: My other roomate, Steven Linzmeier (will be refered to Linzmo throughout because I can never spell his last name right) leaves to watch pre-game with his fellow Packer fans. I wish him good luck. He becomes the first Packer fan to accept my good vibes saying, "We'll take everything we can get."

11:17 am: Still can't even look at a beer. I brush my teeth for the third time to get the screwdriver out of my breath. Still doesn't work. It's getting ridiculous. This is Super Bowl Sunday. I need to man up soon.

12:00 pm: Still no beers...but there's Gus Johnson. I wish he would come into my room and scream at me to get off the couch, toss me a beer (Crishad with the CAAAAATCH!!!), and commentate on my drinking the rest of the day. (Crishad looking for another one...RISE AND FIRE!)

12:43 pm: Wisconsin is running Michigan State out of the building. I fear between the UWRF Falcons losing, Cris Carter not getting into the hall of fame, and the Badger game, I feel it's just not my weekend.

1:00 pm: The Gophers host Ohio State. Minnesota sports are on. I have to drink to tolerate this. It's on.

1:34 pm: The picture above is taken. My other friend, Jeremy Vetterkind is decked out in Steelers colors, while his dog Emma is scared out of her mind while being wrapped in a bumble bee costume. Still, priceless picture!

2:00 pm: The Gopher game seems to be going incredibly slow, and they're getting crushed. I start screaming at the TV that Tubby Smith should be running plays that involve Blake Hoffarber firing shots from his ass. Couldn't hurt.

3:30 pm: I inform my roomates that there is an episode of How I Met Your Mother where they miss the Super Bowl and tape it for Monday, but they have to not find out the score. This involves one of them being on the news and referring to the teams as the "winning team" and "losing team", a snot nosed kid blackmailing a grown adult, Emmitt Smith claiming that he danced instead of watching the Super Bowl, and the Sense Inhibitor 3000. Classic. (Seriously, if you don't watch this show, you should start.)

4:00 pm: I finally get the idea we have two TVs in the living room. Here's an idea. How about we have one pregame on the big TV and the other on the small TV. Mind blown.

4:30 pm: One hour before kickoff and the temporary seats aren't going to be ready in Cowboys Stadium. I feel bad for these fans until I realize they get three times the face value of their ticket, free food, merchandise, and drinks, and become guests of the NFL for the Super Bowl next year (which might not happen because of a lockout, but seriously).

5:00 pm: We go to Nathan Anderson's house who is having an anti-Packer Super Bowl party. My terrible towel is a welcome addition to the hatred, and I am suddenly jacked for the Super Bowl.

5:20 pm: I miss Christina Aguilerra botching the national anthem. However, this would be made up with the next night during Monday Night Raw in Milwaukee. R-Truth comes out and performs his smash hit "What's Up?" stops, and says to the crowd..."GREEN BAY, WISCONSIN!!! WHAT'S UP?" The fans jump on him immediately chanting MIL-WAU-KEE! MIL-WAU-KEE! Much better.

5:27 pm: Kickoff...away. We. Go.

5:40 pm: You know, I really can't tell you too much about the game, but it was what a Super Bowl party should be. Cold beer, and some quality time with friends...but as for the game...the Packers get first blood. I wonder what being down 4 Super Bowls will feel like.

5:57 pm: Ben Roethlisberger throws a pick six to Nick Collins. As mad I was at Ben, I was even madder at the referee who threw the penalty flag against Nick Collins. The man just had a pick six in the Super Bowl, and you're going to penalize the guy for going to his knees? I truly hate Roger Goodell.

5:59 pm: Rant #1 for Crishad to everyone in attendance. I hate Roger Goodell. Nothing can be original anymore. Did you know the Super Bowl logo will be the same from here on out? Pretty lame. And another problem for Cowboy Stadium: The logos and end zones look awful. Seriously, I hope that Indianapolis doesn't use field turf for the Super Bowl next year...if it happens. The game, to me, didn't have the feel of a Super Bowl at all.

6:45 pm: The Black Eyed Peas perform the halftime show. Remember when they weren't a techno group? They had OK music. Throughout the show, they look stiffer and nervous. Maybe they should drop the tight space suits.

6:52 pm: Linzmo sends out a text that wonders why Mike Tomlin is singing during the halftime show. Will.i.am and Mike Tomlin. Separated at birth?

6:54 pm: Rant #2 ensues. Get the Foo Fighters, Metallica, Slayer...someone with some actual energy for the Halftime Show next year. That was pretty awful.

7:13 pm: We leave Anderson's house and thank him for the hospitality. We head back to 304 Winter St to watch the rest of it and after a Rashard Mendenhall touchdown, the Steelers are back in it. I immediately call my boss leaving a snipet of Black and Yellow on his voicemail. Taunting is good.

7:40 pm: Wade Guerin, who I have been texting back and forth with all night, informs me he's going to Main Streeter to watch the fourth quarter. I decide to join him, and I walk...to the bar...with no coat. Brrr. I get to the Holiday a couple steps from the bar when Jenna Nelson, who is with Wade screams "Do you need a ride? Where is your coat? Is that a Percy Harvin jersey?" I realize I forgot that I had on Vikings gear, going to a Packer bar during the Super Bowl. @#$%!

7:43 pm: I walk in and immediately draw looks from the pro-Packer crowd. I am the only person ballsy enough to do this. Wade begins to think that the patrons of the Mainstreeter think that he is my personal bodyguard. With this, I mention to Wade that I'm Shawn Michaels and he is Diesel. He's not amused. Crishad feels shame.

7:55 pm: Packers score a touchdown off the Mendenhall fumble I missed while I was walking. The downward spiral continues.

8:05 pm: The most tense moment of the night arrives when Mike Wallace scores a touchdown to push the Steelers within three. I jump up and down cheering for the Steelers and waving the terrible towel. The bar is DEAD SILENT! Priceless.

8:20 pm: The Packers get a field goal to make it a six point game. The two minute warning hits and some drunk on the other end of the bar starts screaming obscenities in my direction. I wish his team good luck. Members of the bar are not amused, but at this point I won some over with my positive attitude. After all, we're polite in Minnesota.

8:21 pm: The harsh realization hits me. The Packers are going to win the Super Bowl. If the Vikings were in this situation, Roethlisberger would have surged down the field with lasers out of his eyes and fireballs out of his ass. But this was the Green Bay Packers: God's Team. Crap.

8:25 pm: Mike Wallace drops the ball on fourth down and the Green Bay Packers just won the Super Bowl. Trying to save face, I go with the "Awe, shucks." philosophy, which was the truth...I recognized the Packers were a good team and congratulated all the people around me.

8:26 pm: Jenna sees a man grabbing a match and tells Wade and I to be careful...

8:27 pm: The man runs up and tries to set the Terrible Towel, which is hanging out of my pocket on fire...which almost would have caught my pants...which means he tried to light ME on fire. Only in Wisconsin.

8:28 pm: Wade steps in and tells the guy to calm down. The guy asks him how much I was paying Wade to hang out with me tonight. Wade mentions we're friends, guy still goes bonkers until celebratory shots come flying out of everywhere.

8:29 pm: I step outside and say to a group of smokers "Watch this." I call my boss a second time, leaving a voicemail reminiscent of Kevin losing in The League semi-finals. If you've never seen that show, 1) you really should. 2) it sounded something like this...

"SHIIIIIIIIIT!!! SHIIIIIIIIT!!! @#$%! @#$%! @#$%! THERE IS NO GOD! THERE IS NO SANTA CLAUS!! THERE IS NO EASTER BUNNY! NOTHING IS REAL! NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING!!!" (followed by uncontrollable sobbing. Packer fans, you may have just won twice.)

8:31 pm: We head out of Mainstreeter flanked by my friends. I get the trash talk I deserve and on the car ride home, I say "Yeah, I probably shouldn't have worn my Viking jersey to the bar, but lighting me on fire? That's kinda extreme, you think?" I'm also reminded of the time Jenna once said "I can't watch sports with you because my health insurance won't cover it." I realize why this is now.

9:15 pm: Everyone remaining in the house is taking pulls of Apple Pie and saying "I can't believe the Packers won the Super Bowl..." At that moment Linzmo comes in, and we walk up and congratulate him. He exclaims that he is going to the bar, and I get an idea. I have never seen a Super Bowl celebration up close and probably won't for a very long time as a Viking fan. I want to see this. After Linzmo demands I change, I grab a shirt and we head out.

9:20 pm: This is chaos. Multiple Packer fans screaming and hollaring. Observing this really gets me excited about what it might be like when the Vikings win the Super Bowl...when they move to LA and become the Gorillas.

The rest of the night is flanked with memories of how some girl mentioned to me that she's been in a threesome before, a Steelers fan who might have been seriously convinced that the end of the world was coming, and hearing Bang On The Drum and GO PACK GO! over and over again.

However, it was one of my favorite Super Bowls. The buildup, the game, and the fact that I consumed even more alcohol than the night before. Of course that last part was something I wasn't proud of the following morning. Here we go again...