@#$%!!!!

For those of you that have been able to watch the Twins this weekend, you'll know what I'm about to say. Actually, Dick Bremer put it perfectly after Johnny Damon's walk-off home run Sunday. 

"The weekend long root canal continues for Twins fans." 

People have told me to shy away from extreme examples, so I'm just going to leave it at that to describe this weekend. Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. The good news about this is that the Twins have played well enough in all three games to at least get one win. The bad news is that they screw up in the greatest way possible. Let's go to the scorecard a moment...

Friday: Justin Morneau smokes 2 bombs (his 10th and 11th) and Joe Mauer hits his 5th of the year as the Twins surge to a 4-1 lead over the Yankees. Johnny Damon is ejected and is replaced by Brent Gardner, a scrappy and speedy outfielder. Not soon after Gardner enters the game, he pops a ball up by third base and Denard Span goes over there to get it. The ball lands in front and then over the head of Span. Span, channeling his inner Delmon Young, takes his sweet time getting the baseball and Gardner gets an inside-the-park home run which jump starts the Yankees. Twins hold this 4-2 lead in the 9th when Joe Nathan does his best wet noodle impression and coughs up the lead. Yankees 5, Twins 4

Saturday: Twins struggle against Joba Champerlain, but they manage to tie the game in the 8th on a Justin Morneau bomb. The Twins even take the lead 4-3 later in the inning, but Gardenhire leaves Nick Blackburn in to face Mark Texiera who is FIVE FOR FIVE...nope SIX FOR SIX AGAINST BLACKBURN!!! Tex singles to tie the game and then in the 11th inning A-Rod, after getting a fresh injection lines a bomb over the right field fence. Gardenhire mentioned how the team wanted to get to Applebee's ASAP, so that's why he threw in Craig Breslow Yankees 5, Twins 4

Sunday: Kevin Slowey pitches out of his mind, striking out 8 in 7 2/3 innings of work. Twins cough up a late 2-0 lead and eventually Johnny Damon cranks a bomb off the human tee Jesse Crain. Yankees 3, Twins 2 (PS. DID YOU SEE THE PLAY JOE MAUER MADE???)

All this shows is that the Twins can compete with the AL East, but if we have to go there, which we probably will, we have no chance in hell. Every team has a place where they can't seem to win. The Vikings can't win at Lambeau, the Wild can't win at Calgary, the Wolves can't win anywhere, and the Twins can't win at Yankee field. I'm gonna go eat lunch so I can puke it up during the finale tonight.