Dateline: Denver, CO
World Wrestling Entertainment is in a fight with the Pepsi Center over a previous booking and a scheduling conflict with the Denver Nuggets. The Nuggets have advanced to the Western Conference Finals with their victory over the Dallas Mavericks a week ago. However, this didn't become a problem until the Los Angeles Lakers defeated the Houston Rockets on Sunday. Had the Rockets won, the Nuggets would have hosted games 1 and 2 instead of 3 and 4 and there would be no problem. WWE Chairman Vince McMahon has already fired bullets at the Stan Cronke saying that "They should be arrested for impersonating a good businessman" and "I would like to present this to Mr. Cronke" while holding up a Kobe Bryant jersey.
So, as you may know, I am a die hard fan of professional wrestling and I don't care for the NBA very much at the moment. So you may think that my idea would be to cancel the playoff game and go ahead with Monday Night Raw from Denver. Well, I have a better idea. The NBA is already rigged anyways (Derek Rose to Chicago???) so why don't we combine the two? I could see it now...
Mike Tirico: Welcome to game 4 of the Western Conference Finals, I'm Mike Tirico joined by Mark Jackson and Jeff Van Gundy. The Lakers hold a 2-1 lead over the Nuggets and we are just about ready to tip off here...
Stern: Hold on one second. I've seen way too much hostility between these two teams in this series, so here's what we will do. Tonight's game will be a no disqualification contest!
[Crowd goes nuts]
Tirico: Can you believe this? David Stern has made tonight's game a no DQ contest! What will this mean for these two teams?
Jackson: This means nothing. Kobe Bryant is the most superior athlete in the world. He has the world's largest posse. He could outswim Michael Phelps. He could outhomer Barry Bonds WITHOUT steriods. He could throw for more touchdowns than Brett Favre!
Van Gundy: What about LeBron James? He won MVP.
Jackson: Does not compute! DOES NOT COMPUTE!
[Jackson explodes revealing that he is indeed a robot]
4th Quarter:
Tirico: Late in the 4th and we've seen a lot of changes there Jeff.
Van Gundy: Yeah, Phil Jackson was knocked out in the fourth quarter by a mysterious source. Who could have done such a thing?
Tirico: It could have been Shaq. Remember, Shaq still has beef with Kobe so that may come into play here...Martin with the ball with a minute to go...loads up for the jumper and...WAIT A MINUTE! It's Mark Cuban! What is he doing here?
[Cuban jumps on Martin and starts firing punches in his face. He rips of his shirt. The crowd groans in disgust.]
Van Gundy: Well these two have had a brawl dating back to the last round of the playoffs when he insulted Martin's mom.
Tirico: Oh no he didn't!
Van Gundy: Oh yes he did!
Tirico: Cuban escapes through the audience...K-Mart has been busted wide open and will have to leave the game. The good news is Carmelo Anthony has hit the shot to give the Nuggets the lead.
25 minutes later (1 min game time)....
Tirico: Last chance for the Lakers. You obviously know who's going to get the ball here, but remember Phil Jackson was found unconcious in the locker room at halftime. Still no answers there. The Lakers inbound the ball and get it to Kobe.
Tirico: OH MY GOD!!! KING JAMES IS HERE!!! HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE TONIGHT!!! HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE IN CLEVELAND!!! WHAT IS HE DOING HERE???
Van Gundy: Kobe is staring a hole right through the King...but time is running out!
Tirico: 3...2...1...KOBE DIDN'T GET A SHOT OFF!! IT'S OVER.
[LeBron smirks at Kobe as he calmly walks back through the tunnel as Kobe looks like he wants to kill him]
Tirico: How did Kobe Bryant not get a shot off? He was distracted by King James and next thing we knew there was no time remaining. What will be the backlash of this?? OH MY GAWWWWWD!!!
See, now wouldn't you rather tune in and watch this? I know I would.
I like that a lot. Maybe next year the X can have a conflict with TNA and we can get shitty washed up wrestlers injure Gabby by calling him a pussy to death.
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