I Hate Jonathan Papelbon

The Eastern Sports Propaganda Network (ESPN) has rammed him down your throat. You would think that he's the greatest closer of all-time already by the amount of media coverage he gets. You would also think that he's an incredibly insecure man with his frosted tips and his extreme celebrations. The man that I am talking about is Red Sox Closer Jonathan Papelbon.

I hate this man so much that I would cheer for the Yankees to beat the hell out of him. He whines at calls that are completely obvious. He throws a strike and starts screaming like a madman. He acts just like I would on the mound. I completely hate him for it.

A lot of people have wondered why Papelbon failed during his conversion to a starter in 2006.  ESPN said that it was because the Red Sox bullpen didn't have enough depth or anyone with the correct mindset to be a closer. That's not right, because Papelbon didn't have the correct mindset to be a starter to be perfectly honest. He'd throw strike 1 in the first inning...spin and scream so much that he would run out of breath and be done by the 3rd inning!

Papelbon is on pace to become the all-time saves leader right now. However, when you play for the Red Sox who are literally able to do whatever the hell they desire when they want to do it, life is pretty easy. Papelbon has even fit in with the Boston locals. Loud, unintelligent, and drunk are all words to describe Red Sox Nation. Their fans like to think they're better than Yankee fans, but really they're not. They're just as oblivious to the rest of major league baseball as their rivals are. Papelbon is no exception. After winning in the playoffs, Papelbon has been known to get drunk, go in front of a microphone, and act like Crishad on a Saturday night in River Falls. Not to mention stripping down to incredibly short shorts but whatever.

The bottom is that guys like this deserve to fail. When he fails, I feel better about myself. When Joe Mauer hit that bomb against him today, I had a huge goofy grin on his face. I hope that Papelbon continues to free fall into the complete headcase he is. Until then, I'll just watch ESPN and listen to Steve Phillips tell me how great he is.